Someone threatened my allotment.

[BigBarbara]

I was sat in my allotment, minding my own business, having just potted some beansprouts and some mad couple come bowling over to me demanding I move my chair and leave their allotment!

I'd only just settled in with my voddy & orange in a Stanley Cup and a copy of Take A Break.

Weather was 19° and not muddy at all.

They said its their land! I said it bloody ruddy is not, I've been here 10 years and I put this bloody ruddy shed here myself. It cost me £89 from B&Q. And I had to pay someone from the face book £40 to put it up too. In cash!

AIBU to think finders keepers, losers weepers?? If they wanted the land they shouldn't have waited 3 months to come visit, even if it had been pissing it down for months and who in their right mind would bother with checking an allotment in a pissy February right after moving and being ill too?

I'm currently going through my paper bin to find some cardboard to make some signs saying 'Big Barbara's Beansprouts, keep away'
And tonight I'm going hedgehog hunting so I can strategically place the prickly bastards on leads around the perimeter of MY land.

The cheek of some people!

(Dear MNHQ this is satire and for a laugh. For legal reasons I am not in fact Big Barb and have no intentions of tethering hedgehogs. Please don't call the RSPCA)

I don’t really think opening a thread on mumsnet is an act of endurance. Just don’t read it, good job every one has a different sense of humour isn’t it.

Fabulous! 🤣🤣🤣

And you succeeded in making me laugh op 😂

That’s brilliant! I honestly don’t understand why some posters are so po-faced.

The only miserable things here are the posters sucking on lemons. Even the original allotment OP is enjoying it.

How’s that going for you?

Is someone is forcing you to read MN against your will?

It why do you think that pointlessly telling someone you don’t find what they say is funny is ‘nailing it’?

Imagine being so arrogant to thinking your opinion on what is funny is so important you feel the need to declare it at every turn

sorry Babs, you’ll have to pay the dude off the face book another £40 to dismantle the shed and move it to your land.

😂

It's funny 😅

Bloody hell, there's some proper Friday Fun Sponges around! Humour failure aplenty!

@BigBarbara
I'd suggest getting your grandson to empty the garage of all the boxes of crap old Bernard has been storing since Methusla was a kid, (free gratis at that, CF!) and filling your shed with them.
The new owners will be so chuffed they have an empty garage, bingo! allotment forgotten!
Gotta play 'em at their own game Babs!
If all else fails, castle walls and gun turrets...
Although... I do have some particularly aggrieved squirrels I could rent out - less prickles than the 'hogs, although harder to wrangle. I'd give you a hand obviously, for half the allotment space and no rent! 😁

😂

YABVU for trying to tether hedgehogs, everyone knows they are better deployed as stealth weapons, much like standing on Lego therefore the leads will make them too easy to spot.

What's a TAAT?

It is funny!!

God there are some miserable people about 😣

Oh get a grip! And a life.

I’m just letting you know Babs that the owners cheeky gits, who want to take their your allotment back away from you, snuck onto the plot and took soil samples whilst you weren’t there…

My advice is to muster your inner Miss Trunchball and put them in The Chokie.

Are you strapped to chair with matchsticks in you eyes Clockwork Orange style?

Its a Thread About A Thread

Start digging a moat now. Strategically hide those loud shot bird scarers.
You also need rolls of barbed wire, watch an old episode of Dad’s Army for inspiration. Stand strong @BigBarbara though you might need to sleep in the shed in case they try a nighttime assault.

You are going to have to go, unfortunately, however you could dig some elephant pits, disguised with a thin layer of radish seeds, which will grow fast enough to fool ‘em.

They won’t look so smug in the bottom of a 6ft ditch, now, will they!

Love it 😂

🤣

Thank you!