Wedding rings and DD/DSD

[TheCheekyKob]

I recently had my wedding/Engagement & eternity ring valued at a jewellers for insurance purposes.

A discussion happened after and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

I made a passing comment that it was nice they were valued at more then what we realised but it didn’t really matter as I wouldn’t ever sale them and plan to pass them down to our daughter anyway eventually.

DH was confused and presumed I would pass one to his DSD and I corrected him and said no, I planned to pass all 3 to our daughter as they are my rings. We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after.

I completely disagree with this as yes he may have bought them but he gave them to me! They are the rings that signify our relationship and DSD would probably flog is straight away to get a few quid.

Just for background proposes DH and DSD mum were never married or engaged.

So should I be sharing the rings?

I'm not necessarily disputing that per se. But I still think it's completely normal, and acceptable, for a step parent to not love and feel for a step child the same as their own. And I think it's unreasonable for any parent to thunk badly of anyone for not doing so.

If you think kids who are completely happy and secure in their relationships with their own parents are affected to this extent then that's your look out.
I'd be looking closer to home, not seeking to blame a third party for being closer to their own kids.

But then I also think it's fine for a step parent not to treat a SC like their own either which I know PPs will think a massive no no. If they have two active parents I don't see why they need me as a third personally.

Again, you are talking complete crap.
Obviouslt it entirely depends on the situation. But there are plenty of situations where children suffer in these situations which has nothing whatsoever to do with an underlying pathology in the child or the quality of their relationships with their biological parents.

I'm sure kids do suffer if their parent has allowed a step parent into their life who is mean to them, doesn't include them in ice cream at the park, obstructive to their relationship with their parent, makes them sleep in a cupboard under the stairs etc etc.
Whether a secure child needs therapy because they only inherited their own mum's diamond ring is what I have my doubts about.

Yep! You can have totally secure relationships but when siblings come along and you are treated differently most kids feel that! Even kids with two bio parents together get jealous of new siblings. Imagine dealing with all those natural feelings as a small child PLUS the diversity that comes with not being treated equally.

As others have said, children don’t get to choose. The very least they are owed is the happiest and most secure life possible.

HMRC look into insurance policies I found out recently. We've rings and antiques and a couple of pieces of artwork. They'll add them to the value of the estate. This annoyed me because as stated the insurance replacement value of jewellery is always lower.

Your rings, your choice. Unless she lives with you full time and you're actually doing the mother role.

If he cares that much about it, he can ensure he leaves her something of similar sentimental value. Like thw watch you mentioned, or something left by his parents or whatever.

Is your DH aware that the resale of the rings would be so poor? Perhaps he is putting up a stink because he thinks it’s significant inheritance value when it’s not.

YANBU to pass the rings to your DD

You handing jewellery down to your daughter, which you have with your husband, is not a slap in the face to your SD. Have you asked him which one of his ex wife's wedding and engagement rings your daughter is being bequeathed? I understand that with blended families, the parent who already has kids doesn't want their child to feel less than part of the family, but it isn't an equal situation. His DD will be in line to inherit jewellery from her mother, potentially also his parents- your daughter won't (in regards to his ex wife obviously) so why the heck because he is the common buyer, should you have to? He's the common buyer for any jewellery he bought her too- which is obviously ridiculous, but maybe he'd understand it put that way?

Sorry, just saw not married, but point stands if he bought her anything of significance

What? Where else is it supposed to make sense? Don't know about you but I do my thinking with my head, yes.

Absolutely.

Too much loves doesn’t lead to as much therapy as being treated as less than in a blended family.

You need to stop trotting that line out.

I don't need to do anything.

Appropriating another woman’s child 😂🙃😂

”I don’t care for my SD for her own benefit”

If this pony wasn’t so damaging to the children it would be laughable.

It’s about the value of the children, not the value of the rings.

She values her own daughter above anyone else’s, regardless of whether they’re also family members. That is entirely normal.

How many people actually want a memento of their father's love/marriage/relationship with a woman that is not their mother? What sentimental value is there?

I am also with OP
Blood ties only.

DSD and I have a nice relationship, her parents were quite clear from the start how they wanted it to be and nobody is getting stressed out as everyone knows who their mums/dads/children are and set their expectations of those people accordingly.

I think you'll find I never once said I didn't care about my DSD. I care about her very much. More than any other child in the world, actually, apart from my own.

No ponies are being damaged in the making of this family. Nor are the ponies rampaging around and causing damage.

How do you know that?

Dad feels the same about both daughters and wants both daughter to be part of the family. Nothing says you’re not my family more than leaving a supposed member of the family out of a will. OP hasn’t suggested that Dad thinks the sisters would get a 50/50 financial split, just that he assumed both his daughters would receive something.

The whole situation could have been easily resolved if OP had reassured DH that she loved his daughter. “I’d like to leave my rings to DD due to sentimental value. I was thinking about leaving my diamond necklace to DSD as a token of my affection”.

If this isn’t the case and OP doesn’t want to leave a token to her DSD who she helped raise from childhood, then DH will feel his daughter is being rejected.

Not every blended family will feel this way but DH obviously thinks the family is more blended than the OP does.

They are both part of the family. Not considering her stepdaughter to be her daughter does not mean she isn’t a family member, as you well know. That’s like saying you have to consider your mother in law to be your mother or else it’s a rejection. Similarly, I’ve got family members that aren’t in my will, as I’m not in the wills of some family members. Still family though.

It seems the situation is resolved, with the husband winding his neck in regarding what OP does with her assets.

Winding his neck in. MN love a man under the thumb.