Wedding rings and DD/DSD

[TheCheekyKob]

I recently had my wedding/Engagement & eternity ring valued at a jewellers for insurance purposes.

A discussion happened after and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

I made a passing comment that it was nice they were valued at more then what we realised but it didn’t really matter as I wouldn’t ever sale them and plan to pass them down to our daughter anyway eventually.

DH was confused and presumed I would pass one to his DSD and I corrected him and said no, I planned to pass all 3 to our daughter as they are my rings. We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after.

I completely disagree with this as yes he may have bought them but he gave them to me! They are the rings that signify our relationship and DSD would probably flog is straight away to get a few quid.

Just for background proposes DH and DSD mum were never married or engaged.

So should I be sharing the rings?

I can’t speak for MN, but I most definitely love it when people respect the rights of others to make decisions over their own belonging, yes.

That’s your guess. Not what her DH actually thinks. He has only demanded she leave DSD a wedding ring.

Everyone is guessing what’s on his mind as OP doesn’t seem to have asked or is unwilling to share why he felt the way he did.

But my post was a question to OP as to why he may have reacted the way he has. You can’t refute it with a pure guess (and you can’t refute a question anyway).

You followed a question with a statement. You guessed he cares about financial value. I countered with a guess that it’s more about how he values the children.

Is your DH aware that the resale of the rings would be so poor? Perhaps he is putting up a stink because he thinks it’s significant inheritance value when it’s not.

Don’t see why OPs husband can’t just go and buy her a ring? OP if your son is inheriting his dad’s ring and your daughter is inheriting your 3 rings.. why would you object to your husband buying his daughter a ring?

I agree with a previous poster that the ring situation is not the actual issue here, he clearly feels that you treat his daughter differently and coming from the posts you have put on here all it seems to be is negatively towards her.. your instant assumption to make is that she would sell the ring.. your daughter could possibly do the same..

either way clearly this from your husbands point of view is what is to be left to the children.. how he feels fair to do so. He clearly feels it’s unfair to leave two of his children something meaningful and not one of his children, which is completely understandable.. could he not speak to her mum and your husband and her mum come up with the arrangement to both put money towards buying her a new ring? Then they keep it tucked away until she may need it etc.

seems more optional for him to buy her a ring and keep it for her to pass it down..

I have a stepmother and much as I love her, I would feel awkward if she left me an engagement/wedding ring and wouldn’t know what to do with it. I certainly wouldn’t wear it out of loyalty to my mum. It’s a very personal thing, and I’d far rather she gave them to my half-sibling. Is your DH actually thinking about how your DSS (and her mum) would feel about it?

It depends on the relationship with DSD.

If you saw her as your own then I’m sure you would do.

But just because you have a step child does not mean you’ll naturally have the strong bond and you’d want to gift her anything.

MIL has left all her jewelry to her DD but we have DD and her DS and I always felt she should have left DDs a little token but hadn’t it her will.

My husband and my daughter will get my wedding rings and jewellery he’s bought for me my older daughter will get the equivalent jewellery I had before marriage what’s left they can share between themselves it’s hardly a ding dong matter your husband doesn’t over ride your will so have one drawn up and left with someone you trust

If you die first he is so giving a ring to the your step child so get a will written now as you never know what can happen

I’d be inclined to leave a different piece of jewellery to your DSD rather than the rings, they’re more of a reminder that things didn’t work out with his ex!

Depends how close the two of you are - your rings your choice but obviously if you see her like a daughter then you may consider it.. I dunno it’s a tough one.. it was easy for us as me and my sister had different dads and our mam married both of them so we both got a set of rings when she died

If HE bought them for you then I do feel it a little unfair to not think of your step-daughter 🤷‍♀️

If they were yours before you met then fair enough.

Do you really think DSD wants a memento of her father's love and commitment to a woman who is NOT her mother?

You definitely view both girls in totally different lights. Your rings are yours to do as you please but I think your attitude about the DSD not having anything is very unforgiving, doesn't paint you in a very good light.

If your daughter will have the world that you are leaving her, then why deny his daughter something to remember her father by. Saying she has a watch from her father is very different, she isn't likely to wear it.

I lost my mum and feel terribly guilty that my DB has very little to cherish from my DM as an heirloom. You are bordering spiteful IMO.

Trouble is the OP doesn't want the DSD to have anything. Someone suggested gettig DSD somethinnof her own and she said not unless her and her DD were getting something.

She sounds odious.

Actually she said DSD could/should have a watch as a sentimental item from her father.

The buying comment, I suspect it was tongue in cheek. Even though, not necessarily unreasonable as it's about buying , rather than passing down items of sentimental value.

This is but your dh is missing

you would pass to your shared DD if they were worth not a lot- it’s sentiment

your DSD would perceive them as gift from her dad of another woman’s ring. Unless you were in mothering role to her too and she was very involved in yours and dh marriage. To her it would be a value gift - to sell, even if she bought her own ring with the cash

your mistake was telling your dh the value. Or even you feeling good about value. Intrinsic value maybe high now due to price of gold or stones, but like all investments can go down. Second hand jewellery is worth little beyond intrinsic value unless it’s exceptional pieces wanted by collectors.

drop the whole value bit. Just ensure your will states ALL jewellery goes to DD for sentimental reasons.no need to specify rings at all.

your dh would likely have remained clueless on this if you’d not bragged on value. Stay quiet next time.

Just let them sort it out after you're gone? It's not advised to leave named items in a Will anyway.

Yes that was me. It was met with mirth.

Nope it’s a Mother/Daughter thing, her Mum can pass her any rings if she gets them it’s not up to you and it’s not up to your husband to decide what happens to YOUR rings

Also may I add that you would never get any where near insurance value for a ring of you sold it, my ring was worth over £4k on paper and didn’t even get offered £1k for it when I tried to sell it

Because it isn’t something that requires compensating for? Both daughters will inherit items from their parents, one doesn’t need something extra.

What he’s asking doesn’t even make sense.your DD should inherit your jewelry, DSD will inherit her mother’s jewelry, and if their DF owns any jewelry or other valuables then that would be divided between the 2 girls.

Not every step family has a troubled relationship 🤷‍♀️ - plenty get along like their own children.

Clearly the dad feels she would.