Wedding rings and DD/DSD

[TheCheekyKob]

I recently had my wedding/Engagement & eternity ring valued at a jewellers for insurance purposes.

A discussion happened after and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

I made a passing comment that it was nice they were valued at more then what we realised but it didn’t really matter as I wouldn’t ever sale them and plan to pass them down to our daughter anyway eventually.

DH was confused and presumed I would pass one to his DSD and I corrected him and said no, I planned to pass all 3 to our daughter as they are my rings. We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after.

I completely disagree with this as yes he may have bought them but he gave them to me! They are the rings that signify our relationship and DSD would probably flog is straight away to get a few quid.

Just for background proposes DH and DSD mum were never married or engaged.

So should I be sharing the rings?

They are yours you decide who you vice then to.
Generally it's customary to give them to your daughter/daughters but that's irrelevant, it's up to you. Write a codecil to your will detailing your wishes.
Why doesn't he give his ring to his daughter?

Insurance valuation, and the amount you'd actually sell them for are vastly different. In reality they are probably worth not that much in re sale terms but a lot sentimentality

But it is ok for one to be treated better by the mother?!

Their own mother? Of course it is.

Should DSD's mum consider OP's DD when she considers what she buys/leaves her daughter?

Agree with this. And your replies to people (sorry, 'arsey' is the only word I can think of for their tone) don't exactly make my impression of you any better.

You seem not to have disclosed your dsd's age because you know how much worse it would make your 'she'd just sell it' comment sound than it already does.

You say you have a son as well as a daughter. Why does the daughter get everything and nothing for you son. Maybe he'd like one of your rings for his future partner.

My mom has a number of rings and there's the potential that they will all come to me as the only daughter. But one of my brothers has asked if his son could have one - not as it is now but to be remade into something his son would like. I think it's a nice idea, particularly as there are more males in the family than females.

An Insurance valuation and what anyone could actually sell them for would be less that 50% buy him a £3.5k watch for him to leave your darling step daughter - all sorted and not an issue.

They are YOUR rings, your DH should wind his neck in about what you want to do with your own jewellery. In what crazy world does he get a vote about your personal effects?

Each child will inherit from their own mother and father. DSD's mother will not leave something to your child (her own daughter's half sister), will she?

Your DH is mistaking 'paying for your rings' for 'still partly owning them'. He doesn't.

As a symbol of his love for a woman who is not her mother, I can't see why the DSD would want them anyway.

It does not matter.

As Iv already said multiple times I know the resell value is a lot lower.

Hence saying ‘few pounds’.

Do people not read threads before posting.

Yes I will just go out and buy Another watch for him so he can leave it to DSD.

How bizarre.

Thanks everyone. DD will be getting my rings, DS will be getting his fathers ring and DSD will get her fathers watch.

It’s all sorted. Thanks

He’s a piss taker to say he paid so he should have a say. No no he really doesn’t. They were a gift. Idiot.

I can’t imagine dsd would want a ring that’s not from her parents marriage.
Do you have a necklace, chain, bracelet , earrings you can leave her that have no sentimental value?

( and you’ve helped me decide OP, I’m going to sell any jewellery I have, no sentimental value whatsoever and I can’t imagine DDs or dgds will want any of it)

I have a step mum (I’m 34 and she joined the family when I was 17/18).
I love her just as much as my mum. No, she’s not my mother but she’s family and is the most amazing grandma to my children. For reference I also think of her mum as family, because why would I not?

I find your barrier between your daughter and your step daughter unsettling. Sure, they are different and I’m sure you have different dynamics with both, but they’re both still your family.

If my step mum thought of me as lesser family because she didn’t give birth to me I’d feel so sad (not because I want her jewellery). The fact you just assume she’d want to flog sentimental, but valuable items you give her is also really sad. Why do you think this? Is there precedent?

How old are you SD and D?

No.

If you have another, maybe sentimental thing your DSD would like to remember you by then fair enough

But those rings go to the child/children of the marriage

Why?

They're the rings of the marriage.

DH should leave something to both his daughters if he can

Does he have a wedding ring as well as a watch, OP?

You are related by blood to all of them...

I don't disagree leaving the DSD something, but not the rings of the marriage

Jeez. Chill out. I was actually on your side (until you got mardy). If you knew it was irrelevant information, why bother to share it in the first place. Anyway, good luck with your DH. He sounds like a peach.

Your rings, you decide. She can have his wedding ring.

They are your rings. Leave them to who you want. I do think it would be odd to leave any of them to your DSD - I have step daughters, and it just wouldn’t occur to me to leave my rings to them, I’m not their mum..

I took a friends to be sold- twice valued at £10k independently in addition to the purchase 'price/valuation' and couldn't get an offer above £600 from a range of jewellers/auctioneers/pawnbrokers at all ranges.

I worked for a jewellers and it is criminal the prices they give. My DM was burgles to the sim of around £30k and she got £13k but only as I had receipts and dates of most of it. She had to fight for 18mths for pay out too.

For me, jewellery is a very personal thing passed from mothers to daughters. I agree with you, OP. Same as I wouldn’t expect your daughter to wish for any personal items from her step dad.

I am with your DH here. He bought the rings. So I think you have an obligation to carry out his wishes. Bit selfish if you don't.

Maybe read the whole thread before repeating what 20 other posters before you have already said.

Wow, really aggressive and unpleasant to XelaM there OP. It does look weird to keep saying "sale" instead of sell, I wondered if it was a regional thing. Hardly worth namecalling over is it.

People are traditionally buried with their wedding ring. So you can take that one out of the argument at least!