Wedding rings and DD/DSD

[TheCheekyKob]

I recently had my wedding/Engagement & eternity ring valued at a jewellers for insurance purposes.

A discussion happened after and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

I made a passing comment that it was nice they were valued at more then what we realised but it didn’t really matter as I wouldn’t ever sale them and plan to pass them down to our daughter anyway eventually.

DH was confused and presumed I would pass one to his DSD and I corrected him and said no, I planned to pass all 3 to our daughter as they are my rings. We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after.

I completely disagree with this as yes he may have bought them but he gave them to me! They are the rings that signify our relationship and DSD would probably flog is straight away to get a few quid.

Just for background proposes DH and DSD mum were never married or engaged.

So should I be sharing the rings?

No. You're right. I have a step mum and if she passed, I'd expect her rings to go to my sister . I wouldn't want her rings as they have no meaning for me. It would be different if it was my mum's rings.

I'm afraid if my DH told me who I should leave my rings to, I'd be throwing them at him. What a bloody cheek! Is he going to want to dictate where all the other gifts he's given you over the years go, or just the valuable ones? This would have made me REALLY cross!

My mum left all her jewellery to me, as her sole DD. (I have DBs but no DSis.) She did ask that I give something to my nieces, which I did. Perhaps you could do something like that, OP? But I don’t think there’s anything hurtful or unusual in wanting to leave your wedding and engagement rings to your DD.

No, I don't think you should share the rings.
I don't see a reason.
🙂

Initially, I felt a bit sorry for the OP due to her 'D'H's obnoxious 'he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after' remark.

Now I'm beginning to see that OP and he are well-matched.

I’m going to leave all mine to my daughter in laws. If I was you I’d share.

So about 25% of that if they were to be sold?

In reality it will depend who dies first unless it is in a will. If you die 1st then he can do what he wants with the rings and the house.

I got that, thanks for the comment.

The likelihood is that DSD mum doesn't have anythig to give and her DF wants her to have something. I think it is petty to deny DSD any sort of gift from her father. The wedding rings in effect were a gift to the OP who will gift them to her DD so why can't DF buy something for his little girl without it being a petty competition?!

Blows my mind, such a first world problem. God knows how people like this would respond to a real problem.

Rings that you sell back to a jeweller are worth the gold weight and nothing else. The insurance value is so you can replace if stolen or broken. My marriage ended in divorce. I sold my wedding ring in 1997 ( 24 carat gold) for £12.00. My engagement was 24 carat gold and had 7 small diamonds. It sold for a few pounds. The retail price your husband paid will be nowhere near what anyone ( DSD) who sold them would get.

What young lady is likely to wear her dads watch? Seems unfair that she gets an heirloom that gets to sit in a box whilst DD gets to parade around in gems worth a lot more and that she can use.

I have been in this predicament and I felt awful for my DB as he had nothing of my mums to wear daily of sentimental value. Not saying that the OPs DD is going to feel sympathy but DSD shouldn't be left out altogether. Getting her something of her own wouldn't hurt OP or her DD really?!

@Mumofferal3 her mum might not have wedding rings but surely, she will have something else to leave. Either something she inherited herself or bought. She can also get things of sentimental value passed down from her father.

What "misses" out on is an object of sentimental value from OP/the step mum.

I have 2 rings ( Mum gave to me ) and I am safeguarding her wedding and engagement rings

The wedding ring is a heavy solid piece over 60 years old .
Doesn't fit me so I might pass this to my DD ( I don't think anyone else will mind ). Engagemt ring needs a repair ,
The others are over 100yo so irreplaceable but two of the ugliest rings I;ve clapped eyes on.

So your DSD might want one of them.
But what would she do with it ?

What are you basing ‘the mother doesn’t have anything to give’ on?

Op isn’t denying her a gift from her father, she said herself there’s a watch he could leave her as a sentimental item. What Op doesn’t see is the need for the eldest to be compensated because she isn’t going to get OP’s belongings. The DH is splitting his assets to his children equally, so again, why does the eldest need something extra from him? Hardly fair to the youngest, is it?

Her Mum could buy another ring that would some day go to her DD. I have wedding rings too and in reality, a different style of ring would actually get worn by my DD and DGD when passed on to them. Not sure if they would wear wedding rings from me, grandma and great-grandma.

They are your rings, to do with as you choose. The three are basically a set, so I can understand your reasoning. I would give all three to DD and maybe buy a ring to be able to leave one to DSD. It doesn't have to cost thousands, just something decent.

@beanii it's not about terrible relationships. It's about sentimental value. And there's very little in something your parent gave to someone else.

Usually, the estimate is for replacement value, as for insurance purposes. Resale value is a lot, lot less.

The fact she has no wedding ring etc to give which is in the thread.

If the youngest gets 3 rings to wear based on that they belong to her DM and the eldest gets a mans watch to wear, how is that fair?! For all we know her dad could wear a plastic casio watch. Now that would hardly be fair.

I don't see the harm in getting something wearable that the eldest can keep in memory of her father. If they can afford to get the items appraised, they can afford a small trinket for the eldest.

The OP comes across as she hates her DSD and doesn' t want her to gain anything from her father. She doesn't seem to like her very much by saying she will probably sell them. The comment might have been tongue in cheek, but the OP comes across as her daughter is far more important.

The OP comes across as she hates her DSD and doesn' t want her to gain anything from her father. She doesn't seem to like her very much by saying she will probably sell them. The comment might have been tongue in cheek, but the OP comes across as her daughter is far more important.

No she doesn't. You're just making stuff up to suit your narrative. You're seeing what you want to see. That's a you problem.

That's naive of you to say. Not everyone in this world has things they can pass on. Her DF is in a position to give her something and that should be able to be done without his schemey wife wanting in for her and the pirncess DD.

Not having her own wedding ring to leave doesn’t mean she has nothing to leave. For all we know she’s got her own mother’s wedding ring. That said, what’s wrong with an Casio if the value is sentimental?

Each girl will inherit from their mother - that is fair. It isn’t ‘fair’ that one gets special treatment from their father.

This..honestly you are over thinking this and it's just not worth arguing over. The rings are not worth much really and this could be years away..Still think it would be nice to include DSD..this is what this is really about.

YANBU. The rings are yours to leave to whomever you wish. You may later have granddaughters and wish to leave one or more rings to them.

DH can leave his wedding ring to his DD for her to have melted down and refashioned to her taste so that she can wear it.

But it is ok for one to be treated better by the mother?!

Not many people would wear a casio unless they liked it.

This is getting daft now. My opinion won't change that if the father can afford to get something for her, he should. The other daughter will understand.

It matters a lot. Someone I know recently tried to sell her diamond engagement ring. It was bought for £15k, valued for insurance purposes (replacement value) at £16.5k. She contacted about 20 jewellers (including those in Hatton Garden as well as the north of England) and the highest price anyone would offer was £6.5. You’d be lucky to get 50% of the value when selling engagement/wedding rings. So if you give DSD the cash equivalent of the replacement value, she’ll be much better off than your DD.

Understand what? That sister’s a charity case?

They have different mothers. So yes, it is indeed okay for each to be considered ‘more important’ to their respective mothers.