Would you be offended by this message?

[Purplevioletsherbert]

Two new friends, have known each other a few months and have seen each other socially a couple of times. Both going through a bit of a tricky time.

Friend A has called Friend B a couple of times, B hasn’t answered but usually texts within a few minutes to check in and see if A is ok. After the last time this happened yesterday, B made a comment about not really being a phone call kind of person.

This evening B text A asking how they are and said “I’m gunna call in five mins” to give them a heads up rather than calling out of the blue.

B sent this response:

“Hiya, currently in the middle of settling DC into bed, and pretty exhausted myself from work. As I said the other day I really don't do phone calls, I find even when it's my close family they cause me lots of stress. How are you doing?xx”

Would you find this response rude? Is B just brushing off A?

I don't think it's rude. B has said a few times now they don't do phone calls and A is not getting thr message. B still checks in. I think B is being nice about it.

I don't think it's rude no.
Disappointing if you'd like to phone someone though and chat.

I think it's fine. Person B prefers to communicate by text. That's OK.

They just don't like talking on the phone, better to say than keep ignoring calls. They're obviously happier texting. Not rude at all.

B doesn’t want to chat on the phone, it sounds like chatting drains them after dealing with work/DC/family all day. I wouldn’t take it as a brush off and if I valued the friendship I’d accept they will just message. B sounds like a decent friend as they generally message after missing calls, that’s not a brush off at all.

I wouldn’t find it rude but I am very much person B in this scenario. A phone call takes time and energy, which I don’t always have. A text or WhatsApp conversation its much easier.

Not rude. Or brushing off. Just making the reasonable point that they’re not up for talking on the phone at the end of a busy day. If they’d been clear on this already, and are happy to text or meet up, then I don’t see what the problem is.

No, of course it isn't rude.
It is just re-explaining to A, who clearly missed the message the first time, that B doesn't like talking on the phone.

I don’t think it’s rude. I respect the fact that B is upfront about it instead of just never taking the calls.

No, it's not rude.
I have friends who just really aren't comfortable on the phone aaannd that's okay!
They're doing what they can to check in on friend A in a way that's comfortable to them.
Friend A isn't getting ignored but friend B has personal boundaries that they're sticking to.
Its not for friend A to decide.

Not rude at all or offensive! B has set her boundaries clearly

Why is A trying to call B again the day after they said they’re not a phone call kind of person? Definitely not rude from B.

Not rude.
B is setting a boundary.
They offer an alternative 'how are you doing' indicates they are happy to continue by text.

Ok thanks all, you’ve put my mind at ease 😂 I’m B, I’m worried I might have upset my friend by being too blunt but honestly I just hate phone calls. My son is disabled, I work full time, and I don’t have the emotional capacity after everything else to be chatting on the phone. I’ll happily text. Feel bad because I know she’s going through a difficult time though.

A is being rude by insisting on calling someone who has clearly said they don’t like it.

I hate phone calls too, I always feel so awkward !!

It's not rude but maybe could have been softened a bit.. from 'I don't do phone calls ' ( which nearly everyone does sometimes even if only to the bank) to ' I prefer not to do phone calls/ what works better for me is ....

B sounds justifiably cheese off but I can see A taking umbrige the way its worded

I disagree with PP.

Given B only said yesterday they are not really a phone call kind of person, which could mean I'm not very chatty, I never hear the phone, I never have it charged etc then I think it was a bit rude to add into the text "as I said". But otherwise it's fine to say being friends with me will never involve talking on the phone if that's the reality.

I think it's rude that the friend is being pushy about a phone call when they have already explained they don't like to talk on the phone. I find unnecessary phone calls a hindrance too. A message can be responded to when I have time, a chatty phone call is demanding and sometimes just too much when I am burnt out.

B is setting clear and reasonable boundaries in a polite and friendly way. Well done B.

If anyone was rude, it was A for calling after B said she didn't like phone calls

Seems like you are brushing her off because you don't have emotional capacity. That's not the same thing really as not doing phone calls... basically you're screening.

I don’t think I agree, for me, not having emotional capacity means I don’t have the energy to respond immediately to another persons needs in a conversation at a time when I’m very tired. With messaging, I have time to consider a response. I find communicating verbally quite difficult.

Someone giving you a five minute "heads up" for something you've explained you don't want to do is the rude bit

It seems to be a thing, now, that people are incapable of having a phone conversation. Very few on Mumsnet answer the door either, and many seem to have no contact with their neighbours. Makes me wonder where we are heading with social interactions.

I’m more than capable of social interactions (although I do find them hard work!), but at the end of the day when I’ve been busy working and looking after my disabled child, I want to switch off. I don’t want to be having phone calls with no idea how long it will last when I find it hard work. My day has already been very hard work, every day.