Would you be offended by this message?

[Purplevioletsherbert]

Two new friends, have known each other a few months and have seen each other socially a couple of times. Both going through a bit of a tricky time.

Friend A has called Friend B a couple of times, B hasn’t answered but usually texts within a few minutes to check in and see if A is ok. After the last time this happened yesterday, B made a comment about not really being a phone call kind of person.

This evening B text A asking how they are and said “I’m gunna call in five mins” to give them a heads up rather than calling out of the blue.

B sent this response:

“Hiya, currently in the middle of settling DC into bed, and pretty exhausted myself from work. As I said the other day I really don't do phone calls, I find even when it's my close family they cause me lots of stress. How are you doing?xx”

Would you find this response rude? Is B just brushing off A?

I have been thinking the same. On many of these threads people advocate setting inflexible conditions for every interaction and it all feels very hard and cold. This life in which people no longer, God forbid, speak to each other seems full of misunderstandings and stress.
I hang on here I suppose to speak from the point of view of a teacher, a MiL and very new GM, and an ‘older’ person and I have to hope that Mumsnet is not typical of society as a whole.

It's not inflexible at all.

Some people phone a lot (A seems to be one of them if they've called 3 times without there being a particular reason) and just chat away about not much.

It's relaxing for them which is lovely but not for those who don't enjoy phone calls. Plus it's very time consuming.

Better to set a boundary so they know only to call if it's important (this includes personally important stuff, not just life or death emergencies) or for an occasional catch up when it suits both, not just regular and hoc chit chat.

Being socially skilled doesn't mean entertaining every opportunity to listen to someone blether on.

B is fine, A shouldn't have called so soon after first request unless urgent.

I've a feeling friend A finds text difficult. And it is because here you are wondering how your text has come across. Actually speaking to someone negates this. I think this friendship might be a short one, you both want different things.

OP if A struggles with texting maybe you can Suggest voice notes as a compromise?

The bit that's rude here is 'I'm gonna call in five minutes'. What the hell, person A??!

Person b has explained that they don't like phone calls. I detest phone calls even with my closest friends/family!

It's really rude to impose that on someone

I completely understand not doing phone calls, I have really bad anxiety and my heart races the second I hear my phone ring. I only answer to my parents and kids but anyone it's a no. People think I'm immature or rude but that's not the case, I just hate talking on the phone, especially when I have no idea why they're phoning.
If you are still checking in then you are a supportive friend, and friend A maybe thought you'd be ok with a little warning, now she knows otherwise I'm sure she'll just text in future

I could be person B! They are not rude. Just trying to make it even clearer that at the end of a busy day they don’t want to sit chatting on the phone. They want to text.

No not really, I'm not a phone person either, if it's textable then fine. They're being honest that they're putting kids to bed etc or maybe want to eat their dinner, watch a film.

i disagree. Being an 'older person' myself, having mobile phones as opposed to landlines has made calling people much, much easier. Which is why they have become an intrusion. With a landline, it was more considered calling because someone else in the family or group my need the phone, plus you had to stop what you were doing to make a call. Maybe that was why it was called 'making a call' These days, much more calls are made on a whim or to say nothing interesting at all. (this of course, happened in the days of landlines as well). That's why I appreciate texts so much (Are you free to chat?)
Reminds me of a holiday15 years ago with my family. Mobiles were much new er then. This guy had made an arrangement to meet my brother at 10.00 on a Sunday morning. My brother didn't have a mobile, so this guy rang the landline at the start of his journey from 8.00 ('I've left the house), to every 20 minutes or so till he arrived at the our house. ('I'm 20 minutes away , I'm half an hour away.' etc) So the phone rang shrilly and repeatedly on a Sunday morning, and someone had to get up and answer it When eventually the young man arrived at the house, I told him that he had disturbed us repeatedly for no good reason, and that if he couldn't make it was all we needed to know. This is what I mean by mindless calls.

B (you) are completely reasonable, I hate phone calls

Heading in absolutely the right direction.

I barely have any phone conversations with my friends - I hate it. Much prefer to see them in real life and text in-between.

It’s not rude it’s called respecting your boundaries and being clear about it not just saying “I’m busy”. Also it is this kind of situation where some genius invented voice notes, then person B can listen and respond when it suits them and it still feels like a conversation.

I bought a pair of Adidas Samba trainers from Sports shop. Saved for them and they cost £90. So excited about getting them. Gutted as when I got them home, they're obviously a display pair. One is perfect, the left one. The right one is all creased and the suede at the front is worn and dirty. There's hairs in the insole and all the lace are dirty. Gutted as I should have looked at them, before I took them out of shop. Taking them back today. Do I have customer rights?

I suspect many on Mumsnet hate phone calls, which has probably greatly influenced this thread.
I personally would make myself available to chat with a friend in need. Doing it by text seems a bit cold to me and really isn't the same. I wouldn't expect to have to do it every night though, or indefinitely, just sometimes.

B has clearly communicated that calls cause her stress and she doesn't want to take calls. A is disregarding this and is the one who is being rude.

I don’t like phone calls either. Text is much better- you can choose your words more precisely and you have a record of the conversation.

Not rude at all, I hate phone calls, it’s just effort you don’t want when you’re busy or at the end of the day. A needs to respect this, generally it’s needy ‘friends’ who are a pain in the arse who always want to talk on the phone.

Not rude at all, I hate speaking to anyone on the phone, prefer to text or face to face. I hate making phone calls of any kind