Would you be offended by this message?

[Purplevioletsherbert]

Two new friends, have known each other a few months and have seen each other socially a couple of times. Both going through a bit of a tricky time.

Friend A has called Friend B a couple of times, B hasn’t answered but usually texts within a few minutes to check in and see if A is ok. After the last time this happened yesterday, B made a comment about not really being a phone call kind of person.

This evening B text A asking how they are and said “I’m gunna call in five mins” to give them a heads up rather than calling out of the blue.

B sent this response:

“Hiya, currently in the middle of settling DC into bed, and pretty exhausted myself from work. As I said the other day I really don't do phone calls, I find even when it's my close family they cause me lots of stress. How are you doing?xx”

Would you find this response rude? Is B just brushing off A?

I don’t think you were rude, you’ve told her before that you don’t like doing calls and the last message was polite but explained again.

A is very rude. B is not rude at all.

Exactly. Speaking on the phone is much better than pressing buttons. You get to hear the voice and the tone.
Texting is a cop out.

I don't think it's a cop out but I think it's a much more superficial interaction. Personally I don't value texting other than for specific pieces of info ("I'm running late, be there in 10", "Let meet the costa by the bus station at 11" kind of thing). It's pants for anything more deep, heart to heart, complicated - the kind of things which allow people to really connect and bond.

No, I think that's B being honest, and A needs to get the message.

A needs to bugger off. I'd have blocked her by now. I bet she'll start sending WhatsApp voice messages next.

I talk to horrible people on the phone for the majority of the day. The last thing I want when I get in is to chat one the phone.

I find it awkward and also I don't enjoy it.

Messaging is much better for me.

I love my closest friend to bits but honestly my heart sinks when my phone rings, because it always stops me from what I'm doing or worse, when I have a precious few minutes to relax. Phone calls take a lot of mental energy for me, I would far far rather text.

Yeah that's a brush off. Why on earth^^ would talking to friends or family on the phone cause stress? I struggle with anxiety making calls to companies etc but not my bloody friends or family. Self-absorbed, sorry

Person B obviously doesn't think much of person A

^this.

I hate phone calls, especially long surprise ones at ds bedtime or afterwards when I just want to sit on the sofa for an hour with dh. I think you've been honest about your boundaries and the other person needs to respect it.

What about friend A's needs and/or preferences? I get it if friend A is draining and chats for ages, regularly etc. In that case then it's different but OP didn't say that was the case. OP said that the issue is with her (Friend B) rather than with friend A.

So what if Friend A really needs a friend right now? Friendships are a two way street. No, we don't have^^ to go out of our way for anyone but just sometimes, a decent friend goes a little out of their comfort zone as it makes a huuge difference to a friend who needs a chat.
Like I said, not frequently but this sounds like it was just one chat which friend A attempted to have on two separate occasions, rather than wanting to chat two days in a row

I feel you B...im B too!

This is me and my brother. He insists on ringing and talking and I find it draining. He could make the arrangement in two texts but he wants to discuss the arrangements in a phone call every time. 😡

What about friend A's needs and/or preferences?

She can exercise her preference by choosing a different friend. OP has made her feelings clear.

I was just thinking the same. What on earth has gone wrong with people that they are incapable of having a phone conversation? - and the number of posters who seem to think it's fine is staggering. I'm sure it's a MN thing and I'm beginning to think I really don't belong here but should stay in the real world where people answer the door and talk on the phone. How can talking to someone on the phone be hard work?

No not rude and a friend would understand this.

I am person B! I really don’t like phone calls, even from family. I will happily text or voice note all night but I dread the phone ringing! I had to explain this to a new friend also who I would see all day at work and who would ring me in the evenings or weekends for a chat. It’s too much for me so I sympathise with OP x

I'vedragged myself kicking and screaming into the 18th century got into WhatsApp lately, it's so versatile being able to send photos and updates, whereas texts now seem a bit dull by comparison. I don't do Facebook, Insta etc it sends my head into a spin, I don't need 700 friends but WhatsApp is the best of all worlds.

And I get stupidly excited when I open my phone to see a WhatsApp notification squeeee!

A is rude for expecting the communication to be on her terms and ignoring B.

B was right to be direct and honest.

I will only take important calls and take calls from my mother. That’s it, because I am too tired to accommodate phone calls.

I'm fine either way but find most people these days prefer message over calls.

I'd be fine with that message.

Agree, A is the rude one here.

After a long day I want to relax and unwind. I don’t want to deal with more phone calls thanks.

Do you have children? Work full time? Are married? Running a home? Have animals to care for? There is not enough time in the day as it is!
If you were doing all of these things you would understand why it’s hard to also make time for a non emergency phone call. I want to spend with my children, my husband and in the bath. I am not interested in anyone life story at the end of a long day. My friends are mostly the same. Exhausted

Not at all. What’s rude, imo, is pushing past the boundary b already set, by making it clear they don’t like talking on phones.

Not incapable, people just communicate in different ways. I like to text but also to physically see my friends. I use the phone extensively for work no problem, and am friendly with neighbours and included in my local community. The idea of a phonecall once I've put the kids to bed is just not appealing though!

You don't think it's rude to demand someone's attention by calling them? That's what phonecalls do. You're demanding to speak there and then.