To distance myself from this friend?

[GreenHome]

Met friend A when we were both pregnant, now our DDs are 3.5.

Friend A has the habit to turn up on people’s house (mine and other friends’ house) unannounced or very little notice.

She feels very low when her DH is at work and she has to stay on her own with her DD. She is very extrovert and likes constant company. Even with her DD is with her PILs and her DH is at work, she can’t enjoy time on her own.

So yesterday mid morning, Friend A called to say she was just round the corner, could she pop in for a coffee and a quick playdate? I said yes.

She came in and as the girls settle and start to play, she sits on my sofa and thumbs through the coffee table books/magazines while I’m in the kitchen.

I then bring coffee, water and some biscuits and sit on the other sofa. We start to drink and I start chatting - the usual.
After a few minutes she asks if I can just ‘leave her alone so she can read the magazine she selected please?’
I’m weirded by that but I say sure, so I take my coffee to the kitchen and finish it there while tidying up and stuff. When I have nothing to do in the kitchen anymore, I go to my DD’s bedroom where the girls are playing and stay there.

Then I receive a text message from friend B inviting me for lunch at her house as she has some good news to share (she was ttc so I know what it means).

After about 45 minutes (from me leaving the sitting room to now), friend A comes to the bedroom and asks me what I’m planning to eat for lunch. I tell her that I’m going to friend B’s house for lunch and she asks if she can come too. I tell her to call friend B and ask. She tells me that I should call because I was the one invited. I said no, I don’t think this is how it is suppose to work.
She then decides to leave. She said she might call friend B soon.

When I get to friend B’s house, I ask her if friend A called. She didn’t. I explain she was at mine when I received the text and she knows about the lunch. Friend B knows it means she might turn up unannounced. But she doesn’t.

So I received a text from friend A saying that she hoped we had a good lunch and hope to be included next time.
She also said she might pop at mine again tomorrow, same time.

I just don’t have energy for this nonsense anymore. I get it that she needs constant company but her behaviour at mine yesterday turned me off this friendship, I need to create some distance.

AIBU?

How should I reply?

She just wants childcare for her daughter, she doesn’t want your company.

asking you to leave her alone in your house is weird, you should have said do.
say no next time she bites herself round.

Really weird behaviour! I would not give any more time to that

Wow! I'd definitely be distancing myself as fast as possible from her. She sounds slightly deranged.

Rude! Next time she turns up unannounced, what a shame you are just stepping out. Or, she wants to pop in for a cuppa? Unfortunately not, you have other plans. Rinse & repeat.

Ignore her and be unavailable next time she calls. I don't like people calling round at short notice anyway, it is annoying, and she sounds like a CF.

This would send me back to full time work lol

Just say you are busy. And don't answer the door.. Close blinds if necessary..

I just don’t know what is best

1- ignore, ignore, ignore and be unavailable when she turns up

2- tell her the friendship is not working anymore, so she won’t even try

1

Have you considered an honest conversation?

1

You reply

"You have got to be kidding me right? You asked to come to mine and then asked to be left alone to read my magazine while I supervised our children. Incredibly RUDE.
You then wanted me to invite YOU to someone else's home! WTF?
You need to have a rethink about manners. In the meantime do not call round or contact me until you have done so"

I vote for this. It will be the hardest of the options but it might give her a bit of insight into her behaviour.

The issue with ignoring is that she might just show up

She didn't want your company though! She wanted your kid to keep her's entertained. I think I'd just tell her straight to be honest. And I'm a very non-confrontational person. 'I didn't really appreciate being told to go away in my own home, so please don't come round again tomorrow'
Unbelievably fucking rude

Crikey! I'm pretty laidback but she sounds completely annoying.

Playing devils advocate for a second. Did she mean to leave her alone or did she just want some companionable silence? Let's sit together whilst the kids play and look at our phones/magazines type thing. Is she so comfortable with you that she thought you could do this instead of making conversation?

The question is do you want to spend time with her? If you do, then make it work for you. ‘Hi A, I’m busy tomorrow but let’s get together Tuesday morning if you’re free? Or alternatively the following Tuesday’

if you don’t want to spend time with her then you’ll likely need to have an honest conversation, say you feel smothered or whatever

1. Because she will ignore 2 and push harder than ever.

Keep your door locked and donated answer calls or texts. She sounds awful and very rude.

I know she didn’t want my company.
Now I don’t want her company either. Ever.

It was the first time she did such thing though, so I was a bit dumbfolded, thinking maybe she is going through something, need some time alone.
But she could have asked to leave her DD for a few hours so she could have some peace and quiet and read a magazine somewhere else.

I

After a few minutes she asks if I can just ‘leave her alone so she can read the magazine she selected please?’

her words exactly

Dunno really. I might put up with some of this from a person I liked, and just try to keep the boundaries in place. But if you don't particularly like her then yes, distance yourself.

Weird behaviour.
Don't respond.

"she asks if I can just ‘leave her alone so she can read the magazine she selected please?’
I’m weirded by that but I say sure, so I take my coffee to the kitchen and finish it there while tidying up and stuff."

Allowing her to dismiss you from her presence in your own home (while she drinks your coffee and reads your magazine) was a mistake! I realise you were probably too shocked to say no - but "no" is what people like this need to hear.
"No, Sandra, you can't send me away in my own home!"
If she really hates being alone, why doesn't she go to her PIL's with her child?
She's enjoying the game-playing.