Mine have just turned 21 and 18. I have very rarely shouted and then it was only when there was danger. I grew up in a shouty house and this is not a positive way to communicate so we never did it no matter how exasperated I was.
Firstly, I listened to them, never belittled the things they loved (Pokemon, Minecraft, Fortnite, stupid songs What does the fox say etc) asked questions about it, took an interest in things they were interested in, played Minecraft parody songs in the car. They in turn learn to ask questions about other people and things, talk to Sacha about her dancing, Paul about his running, children or adults.
Family dinner where everyone talks about their day which is funny because I am a sahm but they still listened, learned to ask questions about things, news, things their friends said. Get their view on things, get them to think about things. Listen to Grandparents talking about stuff they might not find interesting because Grandma has watched your dance moves, listened to you read your poem aloud etc.
Absolutely no stomping out of rooms or doors slamming, never happened. Laid out expectations of behaviour from early on, ie you need school shoes, if you co-operate it will be quicker and we get watch <insert tv show> because we will have time. I expect you to be polite to the shop assistant, thank them etc.
That expectation goes to chores with no complaints, help bring in any shopping and unpack it and put away what you can, ask where things go that you don't know so you can learn.
This is gardening/DIY it is hard work, boring and repetitive, clock how long you have been doing it, do you think you want an outdoors job? Manual labour job? Trade job like plumbing etc, talk them through choices we make as adults for the house let them understand how much effort goes into redecoration. We did this for meals too, they set the table but are expected to be in the kitchen, stir that, put plates in the microwave to warm them through, weigh out the pasta. At the end everyone stays in the kitchen until it is all cleared down and clean, children then see how much effort parents put into meal prep every. single. flipping. day.
Family meetings, anyone can call one, you can ask for things, negotiate, complain yes but say what you want, hopefully have a solution to the issue.
And no one disrespects me (or Dh) I have two sons so I knew they would tower over me at early teen stage. Dh backs me, no one speaks to my wife that way. I would say if you were a boyfriend and you spoke to me like that I would show you the door. It hasn't happened very often, mainly Ds1 when he was getting a bit too big for his boots and testing boundaries. He had mates who talked to their parents like shit, ate in their rooms, never talked to their parents. They thought he was weird for watching tv shows with us, talking to us, singing in the kitchen with us, guess the band and song title games, board games etc.
Oh and that I would bury a body for them, walk through fire for them, we draw a line under stupidity and move forward. Along with Dh they are my favourite people.