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Original poster

Guy lied about which university he went to

410 replies

Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 17:30

We were talking about our backgrounds etc. And he told me he'd been to the 'uni of' of the town, which has a good rep.
I live pretty much next door to that uni so I asked him if he'd lived in halls close by.
He said no he'd lived in an area in the South of the city as his campus was based there.
The area he mentioned is a very nice, affluent neighbourhood and I had a look at the campus.
It turns out the 'uni of' doesn't have a campus there, it's the 'poly' that has a campus there.
I couldn't care less what uni he went to or even if he went to uni, I went to one of these so-called 'lesser' unis for my masters and I think in the grand scheme of things nobody really cares where you went, the right people wouldn't anyway.
However, the lying is a red flag for me. I get it was maybe to try and impress me or that he felt embarrassed, but the lying makes me uncomfortable. Would you say this is a red flag?

OP posts:
LauderSyme · 10/04/2024 18:13

@Wolfpa Saying “the uni of” is a strange way of describing a uni, I would think from this sentence that they were trying to inflate their story.

But a lot of universities are literally called "University of Someplace"? I went to the University of Birmingham and always describe it with the definite article because it sounds weird not to.

Not that anyone is ever impressed, even though it was apparently in the top 7 universities back then: Poor Birmingham!

RobinBobbin · 10/04/2024 18:13

Wolfpa · 10/04/2024 18:05

Saying “the uni of” is a strange way of describing a uni, I would think from this sentence that they were trying to inflate their story.

every embellishes things when first meeting someone. I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag.

it does however sound like you are looking for an excuse to get rid. You don’t owe him anything if you are not interested just stop seeing him.

Saying 'uni of ...' is pretty standard in my experience of current students. It's just shorthand to distinguish from other unis that share the city name.

Simonjt · 10/04/2024 18:14

Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 17:57

He went about 5 years ago. Maybe it was demolished/taken over but it just seems convenient they'd have their own campus in the exact place the other uni does.

In which case he didn’t attent a polytechnic.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 10/04/2024 18:15

And if he was trying to lie then saying he had lectures at "the other campus" would be a bit of a give away if it wasn't

UrbanFan · 10/04/2024 18:15

cuckyplunt · 10/04/2024 17:37

God, he needs to run for the hills, you are out of your mind.

Made me laugh out loud. 😂 I was thinking the same thing 😂

Gloaminggnome · 10/04/2024 18:16

Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 17:41

I don't want to specify which city, however the poly uni specifically has a campus in the area he mentioned, the uni of only has a city campus.

I know lots of people who went to Plymouth uni but had all their lectures at the Marjon (aka the "poly") campus, it happens all the time. Especially these days with the pressure to offer a million courses but not have the funding.

HappyEDT · 10/04/2024 18:19

I used to occasionally lie about having gone to university when I was younger, not to boast, rather, to avoid being excluded or relegated or othered by the crowd/person who was about to pigeon hole me. Obviously, I know now that I shouldn't have bothered, but at a certain age, young people want to make connections only with people like them. As I grew up, I realised that some people want you to help them judge you, rather than put on their critical thinking and assess you over time based on how they find you.

So I'd judge a young person less. If somebody in their 30s or older was still lying then I'd be wary.

outsidethemug · 10/04/2024 18:20

OP I went to a uni of and had a guy tell me he also went to the uni of. Let me go on about our union, the area of the city etc and then told me via text weeks later that he didn't actually go to uni of and was embarrassed to admit the uni he went to.

I couldn't care less where you go to uni or even if you do! But the lying was it for me and I got the ick completely

mnahmnah · 10/04/2024 18:20

I would say he is someone with a chip on his shoulder and overly concerned with ‘status’. I couldn’t be with the someone like that and it’s likely a personality trait so where else in life may he be like this too?

curiositykilledthiscat · 10/04/2024 18:23

Saying “the uni of” is a strange way of describing a uni, I would think from this sentence that they were trying to inflate their story.

Not in Manchester. Current students at both universities generally call the redbrick “uni of” and the one down the road either “Man Met” or “MMU”.

Ygfrhj · 10/04/2024 18:23

Internalised snobbery and insecure. It would put me off.

Juicyj1993 · 10/04/2024 18:24

Depends how he said it. For example if he said he went to university in Leicester and you made the assumption that it was Leicester Uni and he actually went to De Montford, then YABU.

If he said he went to Leicester Uni and he went to De Montford, then that's different and YANBU. It's a silly stupid lie and if he'd lie about this, then what else could he lie about?

No-one really cares what Uni someone went to, so odd to lie about.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 10/04/2024 18:27

Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 17:36

It's just that he made a point of saying 'uni of' when the actual uni has a different name.

If it was the 'uni of life' and the 'school of hard knocks',

That's where I went, perhaps I know him!

IvorTheEngineDriver · 10/04/2024 18:27

Cut to the chase and forget all the bollocks about universities/polytechnics and whathaveyou.

He lied. Is it a red flag?

Answer: Yes. At the very least it's a sign that he's insecure.

lazarusb · 10/04/2024 18:28

SereneHighnessPrincessTheresa · 10/04/2024 17:40

It would bother me not that he'd been to Oxford Brookes instead of Oxford but that he lied. Lying to impress isn't great, suggests he's a little insecure.

My dad went to Oxford Brookes university as a mature student (40 and single dad to my brother and I). He would tell people he went to university in Oxford. They would always assume it was Oxford university and immediately look impressed!

SilverDrawer · 10/04/2024 18:29

I get what you mean @Snoopy104 and actually have similar vibe from my boyfriend. He told me he went to the same university as I did, albeit at a different time, but I’m not sure…

Houseinawood · 10/04/2024 18:30

I just say Cambridge then Warwick. They normally follow up with which college. Both are university of … though. Why don’t you just ask eg you said you went to … - did you go to … both look like good places to study.

LighthouseCat · 10/04/2024 18:31

Where did you go to uni? If it was a known good one, I reckon he may have panicked a bit and felt insecure by comparison. Not a great look though.

WeevilWood · 10/04/2024 18:31

HappyEDT · 10/04/2024 18:19

I used to occasionally lie about having gone to university when I was younger, not to boast, rather, to avoid being excluded or relegated or othered by the crowd/person who was about to pigeon hole me. Obviously, I know now that I shouldn't have bothered, but at a certain age, young people want to make connections only with people like them. As I grew up, I realised that some people want you to help them judge you, rather than put on their critical thinking and assess you over time based on how they find you.

So I'd judge a young person less. If somebody in their 30s or older was still lying then I'd be wary.

Excellent point...some people are ashamed over things when younger that weren't within their control.

(it's not an even playing field, some parents know how to advise and set their children up to be popular mainstream types.

Other parents may just not know what to do, so set their children up to be Othered).

Group dynamics with (some) judgemental people being exclusionary and rejecting can be pretty cruel.

However, like you say after a certain life stage people should be finding their own identity.

Hopefully this guy will earn money and get his career going and move on and find better social groups and learn that no-one decent gives a shit about things like this.

But probably a mismatch for the OP for now.

LlynTegid · 10/04/2024 18:32

I'd be wary it's not the only example of spin he will use.

Chatonette · 10/04/2024 18:36

I’m thinking University of Liverpool vs Liverpool John Moores, or Oxford University vs Oxford Brookes. Yeah, not cool. Are you sure he didn’t just reside near the other uni?

Chatonette · 10/04/2024 18:37

SilverDrawer · 10/04/2024 18:29

I get what you mean @Snoopy104 and actually have similar vibe from my boyfriend. He told me he went to the same university as I did, albeit at a different time, but I’m not sure…

You still don’t know exactly where he studied? 😂😂😂 Have you not met his uni friends yet?

Chatonette · 10/04/2024 18:43

70sdisco · 10/04/2024 18:02

Does it matter?

I went to a poly but it changed to a university while I was there. I don’t bother telling people that. What’s the point? If it ever comes up (hardly ever) I just say, I went to Liverpool.

But Liverpool’s a red brick?

Geebray · 10/04/2024 18:44

Chatonette · 10/04/2024 18:43

But Liverpool’s a red brick?

Show quote history

Liverpool John Moores isn't. That's the point.

OzziePopPop · 10/04/2024 18:46

My ex mother in law tried this in court. She claimed to have taught ‘at Oxford’ and didn’t object when the judge called her an ‘Oxford Don’ or teacher at Oxford University. She had actually taught a summer class at Oxford Brooks University… she never even taught ‘for’ that Uni, just rented space there one summer! The judge was corrected and unimpressed….