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Original poster

Guy lied about which university he went to

410 replies

Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 17:30

We were talking about our backgrounds etc. And he told me he'd been to the 'uni of' of the town, which has a good rep.
I live pretty much next door to that uni so I asked him if he'd lived in halls close by.
He said no he'd lived in an area in the South of the city as his campus was based there.
The area he mentioned is a very nice, affluent neighbourhood and I had a look at the campus.
It turns out the 'uni of' doesn't have a campus there, it's the 'poly' that has a campus there.
I couldn't care less what uni he went to or even if he went to uni, I went to one of these so-called 'lesser' unis for my masters and I think in the grand scheme of things nobody really cares where you went, the right people wouldn't anyway.
However, the lying is a red flag for me. I get it was maybe to try and impress me or that he felt embarrassed, but the lying makes me uncomfortable. Would you say this is a red flag?

OP posts:
GasPanic · 10/04/2024 17:59

I think this is fairly common to "upgrade" your degree via ambiguity !

I mean technically you can say "I went to university in Oxford" - is not a lie. But obviously if you went to Oxford Brookes rather than Oxford University and lied when asked for clarification it would be.

There are many cities that have two institutions and I expect the use of deliberate ambiguity when asked the question is quite common ! So much for the myth that all universities are equal, so often touted on here.

But to me it does show some signs of insecurity if the person does not come clean when questioned further.

Muthaofcats · 10/04/2024 18:01

It is not picky to be wary of dishonesty.

whether he went to a crap Uni isn’t the issue; it’s dishonest and insecure and cringe.

if he was otherwise a good guy and just had an inferiority complex I may give benefit if doubt as long as not a pattern of behaviour but I think it may already have stopped me fancying him by that point…

i disagree that we all lie about stuff like this; I never ever have and would find someone who did not to be my cup of tea if we are talking an intimate relationship. Neither would I hire on this basis either.

Needmorelego · 10/04/2024 18:01

To be honest - I don't think he is for you.
Whether he lied or not - who knows?
Your comment about not being fussed about him going to gigs because "they can be expensive" is an odd thing to say.
Surely he doesn't go because he doesn't enjoy them or he would have said something like "I don't go as much as I'd like to" and the conversation would have led to discussing music.
You thinking because it's about costs makes me wonder if you are more interested in how much money he has than his interests 🤔

CheapThrillsMeanNothing · 10/04/2024 18:02

Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 17:37

He also specified his lectures were in this area in the south, I looked at the uni of doesn't have any lectures outside of the city centre

The location where he had his lectures may now be different.
My daughter had lectures for her subject in the city centre instead of on the university campus. This was for the 3 years of her course whilst a new building was constructed on campus to accommodate her course. Current students are now taught on campus.
Something similar could have happened to the course he took.

70sdisco · 10/04/2024 18:02

Does it matter?

I went to a poly but it changed to a university while I was there. I don’t bother telling people that. What’s the point? If it ever comes up (hardly ever) I just say, I went to Liverpool.

LauderSyme · 10/04/2024 18:03

Iwouldlikesomecake · 10/04/2024 17:39

Yeah red flag. I’ve been to a red brick and an old poly and they were both the best for the subjects I studied, there’s no shame in going somewhere that’s a newer uni- not even that new any more lol- but if you’re saying you went to University of Oxford and you actually went to Oxford Brookes you’ve got issues.

I once had a boss who did this! She would tell people she went to university "in Oxford" and they would assume she meant the Oxford, and she wouldn't correct them.

Am not sure how I found out it was actually Oxford Brookes, I may have asked her a direct question about it and she had the decency to tell me the truth.

SiobhanSharpe · 10/04/2024 18:03

Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 17:45

Didn't even know Cambridge had another uni tbh 😅 yeah maybe I'm being too picky, I just hate lying tbh.

It's called Anglia Ruskin or ARU (merger of two former polys)

Menomeno · 10/04/2024 18:03

Glass113 · 10/04/2024 17:58

I thought the same. Liverpool Uni does have halls in the Greenbank Campus which is in the south of the city. I don't think they have lectures there but still.

Show quote history

That was my thoughts, as well as Carnatic which closed in 2019.

Concannon88 · 10/04/2024 18:03

If its leeds, my brother went to both

DancingFerret · 10/04/2024 18:03

Reading this thread I immediately thought of Bristol; I've lost count of the number of people who (maybe or maybe not disingenuously) say they went to university in Bristol to give the impression they went to the red brick and not the former technical college which is now the University of the West of England.

MsLuxLisbon · 10/04/2024 18:04

Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 17:45

Didn't even know Cambridge had another uni tbh 😅 yeah maybe I'm being too picky, I just hate lying tbh.

Yes, Anglia Ruskin. I also knew someone who went there and claimed to have gone to the University of Cambridge.

BestMug · 10/04/2024 18:04

Look him up on LinkedIn.

CheapThrillsMeanNothing · 10/04/2024 18:04

Also the campus where I studied at university in 2nd/3rd year closed down and the site now redeveloped. All courses are now taught at the campus where I did my 1st year. Things change over time.

Wolfpa · 10/04/2024 18:05

Saying “the uni of” is a strange way of describing a uni, I would think from this sentence that they were trying to inflate their story.

every embellishes things when first meeting someone. I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag.

it does however sound like you are looking for an excuse to get rid. You don’t owe him anything if you are not interested just stop seeing him.

MsLuxLisbon · 10/04/2024 18:05

70sdisco · 10/04/2024 18:02

Does it matter?

I went to a poly but it changed to a university while I was there. I don’t bother telling people that. What’s the point? If it ever comes up (hardly ever) I just say, I went to Liverpool.

Liverpool isn't as prestigious as Oxford, Cambridge or Bristol anyway, so there is less implied deception IMO.

WeevilWood · 10/04/2024 18:07

Agree red flag.

Especially as it's so common now for people to retrain and have portfolio careers

If he's got that "tells lies, not happy with who he is, overly concerned what people think about him" vibe it's hard to break out of!

If people have that superficial mindset then they tend to project that onto others too and socialise with similar so you'll end up "giving him a chance" and sucked into his weird world.

Hopefully he'll grow out of it (assume you guys are in your 20's) but you don't want to take the risk.

(I know a guy who put on his LinkedIn profile he went to

X training school, Cambridge

He had gone to the supermarket management training course for the job he did).

Geebray · 10/04/2024 18:07

It would give me the ick. I have a friend who constantly fibs about things for convenience, or to make himself look better. I see him much less frequently now I have figured him out. No way would I go out with a person like that.

MsLuxLisbon · 10/04/2024 18:08

WeevilWood · 10/04/2024 18:07

Agree red flag.

Especially as it's so common now for people to retrain and have portfolio careers

If he's got that "tells lies, not happy with who he is, overly concerned what people think about him" vibe it's hard to break out of!

If people have that superficial mindset then they tend to project that onto others too and socialise with similar so you'll end up "giving him a chance" and sucked into his weird world.

Hopefully he'll grow out of it (assume you guys are in your 20's) but you don't want to take the risk.

(I know a guy who put on his LinkedIn profile he went to

X training school, Cambridge

He had gone to the supermarket management training course for the job he did).

Ha, that is brilliant!

Cheepcheepcheep · 10/04/2024 18:09

It would be a pink flag for me for sure. I used to work with a girl who told me she went to Oxford (we were talking about my ex who went, so we were clearly talking about the Uni of). When I asked which college she matter of factly said ‘Brooks college’. I resisted the urge to laugh but it was fairly indicative of her personality when I got to know her better…

curiositykilledthiscat · 10/04/2024 18:09

DancingFerret · 10/04/2024 18:03

Reading this thread I immediately thought of Bristol; I've lost count of the number of people who (maybe or maybe not disingenuously) say they went to university in Bristol to give the impression they went to the red brick and not the former technical college which is now the University of the West of England.

From what you’ve described, I think that’s fine - saying “I was at uni in Bristol”. It’s totally different from the unambiguous and downright dishonest description OP’s acquaintance has said about his university.

Karolinska · 10/04/2024 18:10

Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 17:54

Yeah, I do feel bad if he's insecure about it, he really shouldn't be and I don't think I said anything to make him feel that way.
He said a couple of times he wishes he'd got a first too so seems insecure about getting a 2:1. I got a 2:2!

This hang up is a tedious one too. Coupled with the misnaming of the uni I wouldn’t bother going on another date.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 10/04/2024 18:10

You checked up on his story?
That's a bigger red flag to me!

Nearby city has several universities. They all get called X University even though they have different names.

StedeBonnet · 10/04/2024 18:12

MichaelFlatulence · 10/04/2024 17:47

I know someone that went to’Oxford’ Brookes, they invariably left off the Brookes. Even their wedding tables had Oxford college names. Insecurity. Exaggeration, misleading. Can’t find a positive adjective

That's really sad!

Sagittarius · 10/04/2024 18:13

Did he specifically say he went to the Uni of X , or was it more like I went to Leeds Uni which could have been University of Leeds, or Leeds Metropoliton for example.

I don't see the reason to lie about it as there is no shame if he went to a met compared to a red brick, however maybe he's had other people make comments about it and he's trying to be vague about it. It does happen unfortunately that people look down on this sort of stuff, but a lie is a lie, and it depends if you can look past that.

Whattheflipflap · 10/04/2024 18:13

Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 17:41

I don't want to specify which city, however the poly uni specifically has a campus in the area he mentioned, the uni of only has a city campus.

You say this but I’ve just finished a degree in Plymouth. My course and 2-3 others only were a Plymouth degree at the other cities Campus.

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