Guy lied about which university he went to

[Snoopy104]

We were talking about our backgrounds etc. And he told me he'd been to the 'uni of' of the town, which has a good rep.
I live pretty much next door to that uni so I asked him if he'd lived in halls close by.
He said no he'd lived in an area in the South of the city as his campus was based there.
The area he mentioned is a very nice, affluent neighbourhood and I had a look at the campus.
It turns out the 'uni of' doesn't have a campus there, it's the 'poly' that has a campus there.
I couldn't care less what uni he went to or even if he went to uni, I went to one of these so-called 'lesser' unis for my masters and I think in the grand scheme of things nobody really cares where you went, the right people wouldn't anyway.
However, the lying is a red flag for me. I get it was maybe to try and impress me or that he felt embarrassed, but the lying makes me uncomfortable. Would you say this is a red flag?

Also in some fields (eg law) you have no idea how heavily people judge you for not going to the “right” place. If you have a non-RG degree, you get it shoved down your throat that you are lacking in intelligence so I wouldn’t judge that much. It’s not a lie that harms anyone is it? My ex went to Hull and was so embarrassed about it. It’s a fine uni and not even an ex-Poly but he had been told for years when he did his training that he was thick because he hadn’t been to a Russell Group and he took that on board and got insecure.

I once had an interview where the women interviewing me, mentioned seven times that she had been to Cambridge. Luckily I did not get the job.

I think there is something a bit suspicious about this man.
Not nec calling his poly a university as that's the common way of describing them these days.
More not being open with you and answering your further questions in a frank way.
As pp say, no shame in wherever you studied but be honest about it

In my experience, if they’ll lie about something so basic then they’ll lie about anything.

Because he’s basically demonstrating that he is willing to remember these lies so it’s likely he makes a habit of it.

You have been warned. ‼️Proceed at your peril‼️

He did not call ‘his poly’ a university. Polys are not ‘commonly described’ as universities these days. Universities are universities, though there is a distinction between old and ‘new’ or post-1992 universities.

He also seems to have answered the OP’s questions in a frank way, so I am struggling to understand where the suspicion comes in. However, I need to know now, so, OP, please ask him.

Red flag OP. I went to prestigious university - DH anything but. I don't look down on anybody, but I hate liars.

He’s not answered in a frank way as he’s lied about which university he went to.

Is it in a town you both know well? Wondering if there was a misunderstanding and he thought you were asking where he went, as in, what town. Anyway I wouldn't date someone who lied about something so trivial. So in your shoes I'd really try and establish the fact - whether the uni had changed buildings, where he actually went, and so on. Find some pretext to ask him directly. Maybe mention a friend who went to that uni and do you know them? If it's only five years ago it should be very very easy to find out, you just need the social media or business page of anyone he went to uni with. You're probably too young for Facebook if you're only five years out of uni, but something with that info.

Or you might think this is all too much effort for a guy you're only getting to know. I have a friend who deliberately misleads women about what university he went to (the ex poly in Oxford...).

Also if he's lying about this I'd worry that he is not serious about the relationship. Because what's his plan, lie forever? It implies he doesn't think he'll have to keep up the ruse for long.

My ExH lied about having a driving licence when I first met him. Probably technically didn't lie, but phrases it very misleadingly as "I can drive". It was the first of much controlling, manipulative and just generally bullshit behaviour, I wish I hadn't let it slide.

It's always referred to as University of Nottingham, I don't know why as there are other cities where the university is officially known as Uni of 'x city' but people say 'X city' university but people always say University of Nottingham

I have a couple of friends from there and they all said the city name. This might have been because everyone else did the same, and they might have sounded pretentious otherwise.

Maybe because it might be mixed up with Nottingham Trent?

I went to a London uni so no issues for me 😉

We don’t actually know that though. OP’s done her girl detective thing and assumes he’s lied, on the basis of his frankness about where he lived. If someone was going to lie, I’d have thought they’d be a bit more thorough than that.

I feel a lot of people do this. It's annoying. Sounds mean but often I give them benefit of the doubt and assume they truly think it's the same thing lol

It sounds like you’re reading a lot into it - did he definitely say “uni of Sheffield” (a clunky way to say it which I never hear anyone use) or did he say “Sheffield uni” and so you assumed “uni of”? If the latter I don’t think it’s a lie, he’s just telling you the city he went to uni because like you said it really doesn’t matter which one?

If he wanted to convince you he went to the other uni in the city, why would he go into detail about where his campus was? He could have just said “no I lived in this nice area because I liked it there”.

I’d ask him casually “did you say you went to uni of Sheffield or Sheffield Hallam? I have a mate who studied maths as well you might know…” so he has to answer direct. Then you’ll know whether he actually lied or not. If he lies in answer to a direct question like that then yes major red flag.

But right now you’re sounding like a bit of a red flag yourself the way you’ve gone off and researched this!

All polytechnics are universities now. What does it matter? I went to Leicester polytechnic. Its now De Montford university with an excellent reputation. I might say I went to uni in Leicester. Literally noone cares.

Everyone I know says uni
I wasn't aware there was anything wrong with that.

Just a personal hatred of mine. I can’t stand “telly”, “invite”, “hubby” or “brekky” either.

Are you using this poll to decide whether to see him again or not?
or are you using this poll to validate your own personal opinion
maybe you should just trust your gut feeling regardless of the poll

I couldn't get massively worked up about this, he went to a university, in the city he named.

Unlike someone who told me they had 'studied' at the Slade school of art. When I subsequently asked for some pointers, as I was applying there for an MA, it transpired she had never been to art school at all, just done a 2 week summer course (open to the general public) at the Slade.

I couldn't get massively worked up about this, he went to a university, in the city he named.

This. I think I have the solution, though. Send him a link to this thread and prepare to be dumped.

It sounds like you’re reading a lot into it - did he definitely say “uni of Sheffield” (a clunky way to say it which I never hear anyone use) or did he say “Sheffield uni” and so you assumed “uni of”? If the latter I don’t think it’s a lie, he’s just telling you the city he went to uni because like you said it really doesn’t matter which one?

In one of OP’s replies, she said he specifically told her “I went to uni of”. So he lied to her.

This is like saying "oh I went to Oxford", but they actually went to Brooks. Or I went to Bristol, but it was UWE.

It is a lie, and one that is easily caught out.

It doesn't matter if somebody went to an ex-poly; it's trying to give the impression that they went to a much higher ranking/prestigious university that's suspect, because they may want people to think they are cleverer or higher achieving than they are.
If someone says they went to Bath university, it suggests they went to University of Bath, which is a top 10 university and very hard to get into, whereas Bath Spa University is much lower down the rankings and requires lower grades.

“they may want people to think they are cleverer or higher achieving than they are”

It’s people with this attitude that makes people feel they need to lie or cover up with university they went to. In reality, it has nothing to do with intelligence or how how high achieving you are and everything to do with class background.

I studied 4 A-levels and got 3 As and a B. I went to a polytechnic because at the time I didn’t even know there was any difference between a redbrick or former-polytechnic. I just looked up universities that did the course I wanted and went with the one I liked best on open day. My parents didn’t go to university and weren’t in a position to guide me and my comprehensive sixth form college gave no information or guidance either.

I’m in a profession where many of my peers went to Oxbridge yet they’re in the same job as me and get paid the same.

The same applies to my husband who went to a very non-prestigious medical school because it was near his family home but it is now at the top of his field.

I would be wary of the lying too OP.
It may be something ‘small or insignificant’ but lots of those add up to a problem and something I would not be happy with.

A friend of my dd is currently doing this - there are three unis in our city, we know he had an offer from the former poly and we saw him at the applicants day. He now tells everyone he is at the ‘uni of’ as it has a better reputation. He is going through an elaborate ruse pretending to be there, it’s just building up more and more lies. Dd knows he’s not where he says he is, but hasn’t told him, she just doesn’t really bother with him anymore as she can’t trust anything he says. So stupid really. Be wary OP.