Guy lied about which university he went to

[Snoopy104]

We were talking about our backgrounds etc. And he told me he'd been to the 'uni of' of the town, which has a good rep.
I live pretty much next door to that uni so I asked him if he'd lived in halls close by.
He said no he'd lived in an area in the South of the city as his campus was based there.
The area he mentioned is a very nice, affluent neighbourhood and I had a look at the campus.
It turns out the 'uni of' doesn't have a campus there, it's the 'poly' that has a campus there.
I couldn't care less what uni he went to or even if he went to uni, I went to one of these so-called 'lesser' unis for my masters and I think in the grand scheme of things nobody really cares where you went, the right people wouldn't anyway.
However, the lying is a red flag for me. I get it was maybe to try and impress me or that he felt embarrassed, but the lying makes me uncomfortable. Would you say this is a red flag?

I guess depends.how he said it. I went to uni in Nottingham/Bristol or if said went go Bristol uni and was uwe. Both are university status now and have been for 30 ish years.

I would be very wary! I know someone who met a guy who lied about himself to impress, he ended up cheating on her so be careful.

As others have said, it could all depend on when he went. One of our big, local universities, Kingston University, was a poly up to 1992 and then it became a university. Now the university is so huge, Kingston probably qualifies as a university town.

It is perfectly possible to look up a few college names, which you’d know any way if you were a student in the same city, and outright lie, though.

I’ve never encountered someone pretending to have gone to Oxford, but I often had people asking me ‘Which college?’ when they didn’t believe I was a current student (non-traditional background). For some reason the college name used to reassure them. Not entirely sure why, except perhaps they thought someone lying would have chosen a more obscure college?

True! But the danger is that the lie becomes more concrete. And more disprovable. The vague reputation-enhancers probably won't have thought that far.

Did you look it up after he told you he went there? If so that would be a red flag that you are doing a deep dive 🙃

This thread has actually been really interesting. DP and I were looking at post grad - MA and LPC. I can't remember which one of us it was but Oxford Brookes had the appropriate course. I was speaking to a colleague at the time who was wise and spoke very well so being 21, I assumed she knew everything - she said something along the lines of it being Brookes campus of the university of Oxford and I remember first questioning myself as I didn't think they were the same. Later, many people said Oxford uni instead of Oxford Brookes and I genuinely thought that was what people called it rather than them trying to seem better than what it was. Now I'm old and know better. Obv neither of us went there or indeed completed any post grad.

Not terribly deep? The guy got OP's spidey senses tingling, due to living in the area, so she checked it out.

This is exactly what I do.
Although it became a university whilst I was there.

My ex did this. I didn’t have any reason to doubt him and in fact didn’t find out what he had said was a lie for four years.
I went to an “old poly” - I’m no university snob, so even 16 years after finding out the truth, I still can’t fathom why he lied about it.
but then, he did (and still does) have a tendency to tell fibs without even thinking about it. Pathological liar would be a bit harsh, but not far off!
From my experience, I would say it’s a red flag!

Could it be that his course was validated by the University of …. But delivered within another uni? I’ve done this twice once it was Uni of …. but course was delivered about 80miles away, second time was a different uni of…. But course was delivered in a University College within the same city.

Does it really matter? It seems, from reading some of the comments, there might be room for confusion. What's he like? What's he doing now? Do you enjoy his company? Surely those are the important things. If he's insecure about the uni he went to, does that over rule his good points? No red flag for me just something to bear in mind.

I went on a date with a guy who said he'd be to LSE Some months later when I met his family, in passing, I mentioned about him being at LSE. They laughed and told me he'd never been to LSE but did a year at Kingston as he'd failed his A-Levels but they took him anyway! I was baffled and when we were on our own, I laughed and asked him why he lied and why he'd think I'd even care! It did send me red flags as I thought if he'd lie about that then he'd lie about anything.

He actually went very quiet and said "Yes, I did lie. I only did it to impress you as I know you went to ... "

I told him if it was going to last he needed to be honest about everything and he then admitted to 2 other minor porkies he'd told me to impress me.

I just roared with laughter and said it was him and his personality I liked, not his social status or qualifications or earnings. I also said, moving forward if he lied again we were done. I married this guy and we've be happily married for almost 20 years! You are not being unreasonable to see a red flag here but it's how he deals with it will be a deciding factor. If he owns it like my husband did and swallow his pride to say it was to impress you, it might lead to a really honest and satisfying relationship.

I don't think he's lying as such, just a massive snob.
I can remember years and years ago I went along to a yoga class (of course) with my sister who was 10 years older than me. I must have been 12.
The teacher asked her where she read English and she said Manchester....did she shite, she went to Warrington College....I seem to recall her degree was presented at Manchester and she was just stretching the truth so far. Unfortuately you get families where a 'Jeffrey Archer' lie isn't really a lie it's called bettering yourself. I'd avoid if I was you.

I would speak to him about it. Tell him you think he's lying. Just be honest.

ask him directly was it a uni or poly when he graduated ?
explain you understand many institutions have changed over the years ….
if you can’t ask the question directly problem is with you red flag
if he can’t answer directly, then yes it’s a red flag for him

Have you watched Baby Reindeer on Netflix yet? 😂😂

You sound completely bonkers (sorry)
Just ask him! Or don’t….

"completely bonkers" , seriously lacking in imagination if that's all it takes for you to diagnose someone 🤣

@SimSam "ask him directly was it a uni or poly when he graduated"

Well, unless he's over 50 it won't have been a poly, because the last of them got "university status" in the early 1990s.

@SimSam he left 5 years ago apparently!
Wherever he went it can't have been a "poly" !

This is daft.

Lots of uni's change names or have more than one in the city.

For example, someone of a certain age might say they went to UCLAN when, in reality, it would have been called Preston Polytechnic or Lancashire Polytechnic.

I wouldn't care less.

It's more you fact-checking him as a red flag.

I understand Exactly where you’re coming from. It’s the lying that’s the red flag or the reasons behind the lying. Do you feel you could take the conversation further, maybe expressing your opinion about why you feel lying is unacceptable?

But she’s not saying he failed to use the old name for the university he attended, which did not have university status when he went there.

He is claiming that the university he attended was a different, more prestigious, one.

OP I totally understand where you are coming from . Irrelevant what the lie was about it was a lie and there will be more. Huge 🚩for me . I can't stand blatant lies.