DD angry at mature student for inappropriate email

[KeepCalmPlease]

NC just in case.
Daughter is angry this eve as a mature student on her course has mistakenly replied all to the class, instead of just her lecturer. In the email, apparently they brag about finishing their assigned work early, and then flirt about a shared hobby with lecturer. Daughter wants to bring this up formally with the institution along with other friends of hers. I haven't seen the email so I'm not sure what "flirting" is but I suspect the mature student, being older, just shares a hobby with lecturer (and likes being teachers pet).
My advice to her is just ignore the mistake, keep your head down and make sure your own work is done. AIBU?

I'm not sure why DD is so exasperated by this. I'm sure many emails fly about all day in academia.

This!!

Why are young people so touchy & over sensitive these days? What exactly is she complaining about? It’s NONE of her damn business for one. Also she must realise her perception of “flirting” is probably well off- it was probably just friendly chat!

I was thinking this too, WhatsApping each other and talking (aka bitching) about other people behind their backs……its bullying.

OP tell your daughter to get a grip, she isn’t at school anymore. Out of curiosity, was your daughter queen bee at high school?
She should be concentrating on her own work (and so should her classmates).

Have you seen the email?

Had the email unveiled cheating on the work or some kind of blackmail or sexual favour etc THEN there would have been grounds to complain.

I’m a lecturer. Please discourage this…. Nothing good will come out of it.

I get - what I see as - overly familiar emails (nothing spicy, Jst students trying to be jovial) all the time. It doesn’t mean I encourage it. I’d also be massively insulted by the insinuation that I give preferential treatment based in a shared hobby and an email (also maybe a bit amused). I act as convenor for courses. If someone came to me w this complaint… I’d internally roll my eyes while following procedure, acutely aware of the waste of everyone’s time. Your daughter will come out of this looking ridiculous.

Being a "tattle-tale" over something so small and meaningless will just serve to make your DD look petty. Not something one should aspire to be at this stage of life.

All of this. Your daughter needs to grow up and get on with her own work.

Agree, 100%.

”just to let you know I’ve uploaded X assignment to the portal, I know it’s not due for another week but want to make sure you’ve received it.” - normal.
”have you done hobby lately? I found out about this great tip” - normal
TBH two consenting adults are allowed to date.
As an adult in the workplace I use reply all more than just reply so I would assume an honest mistake. Also if they thought they were doing something questionable they’d double check.

This. The student made a mistake end of.

Your DD sounds very immature.

This type of attitude is more typical of young teens.

Sometimes when you are young(or when i was growing up), your emotions are not always well balanced.

Is your DD jealous ? Whatever the reason for her thinking/rational, she should use the situation as a learning curve.

Also have empathy.

Would love to know what makes her think it’s flirty 🤣

This is a learning curve for your DD.

It’s nothing to do with her. Mature student made a mistake in sending to ‘all’…so what. Mature student perhaps is ‘flirty’ in the email…so what. Your DD has another agenda she isn’t admitting to. She’s either struggling with her work and is jealous the mature student seems to have completed it with ease or she fancies the lecturer.

Dear god, that is rather pathetic behaviour.
Is she away at uni or local? Is she coping with life in geberal?

That's crazy.
Probably hard enough being a mature student and then you have to cope with your peers acting crazy about some email you sent.
Imagine if she reports it, people reading the complaint will be like 😵‍💫🤨

Does she fancy this lecturer, perhaps, and is a tad jealous ?

That's how it will come across, regardless.

It sounds awfully petty. Most people will have better things to think about 😂

I think she might be jealous that the mature student finished the assignment which her or her uni mates should be working on instead of gossiping in the WhatsApp group.

This was my thought. She must be living at home and maybe she hasn't grown into being at university and is in the school zone. That the only explanation I can think of.

Reporting an email because a mature student has already completed their work and has a shared hobby with the lecturer and is perceived to have being flirting is absolutely ridiculous. It really is. I agree with posters saying if it was the other way she might have a point.

My own university aged DD's reaction would have been something along the lines of I can't believe that happened.

One day she might “reply all” in error and suffer the humiliation of that, it’s not uncommon. Imagine then having someone raise a complaint about it when the only hurty feels they got were receiving a mail not for them.

I agree with the others your daughter sounds immature but also one of the great offended.

DD perhaps needs to calm down. I'm a final year mature uni student (though not this one as I never finish my work early enough to brag! 😅) and all of our work is second marked, and all marks are provisional until the exam board meeting later in the year. Our work is also all submitted anonymously to avoid any unintentional bias. Favouritism is very hard in academia.

She's not in school anymore! It's insulting she's assuming bias in marking because people are friendly.
I'm curious what the "flirting" was.

Surely this is where you just tell her to stop being ridiculous?

She will make herself VERY unpopular if she reports it and people find out!!

This place is such a vipers nest at times - many of these replies are so needlessly bitchy.

My DD is college age, so younger, but we've had similar experiences not with mistaken emails, but with the teacher seemingly favouring a student which was actually having a negative impact on the whole class and their work. She toyed with the idea of complaining about it.

We just had a chat about what the complaint would be, what could be achieved and the possible negative repercussions for her/the people involved as well...basically, is it worth it?

They're learning about so much more about handling conflict and unfamiliar situations in their college & uni days so it's good that she lets off steam and confides in you, but sometimes their sense of injustice can be a little too strong. I'll sometimes suggest that my daughter should complain to to start off that thought process then leave it to her/spare myself listening to a 15 minute rant 😄

Although it would be easier if our kids came out of the womb being totally independent & certain about everything that life throws into their path like 85% of the respondents on this thread. But I'm not sure that's what life is about....

an issue here is GDPR - the original email from the lecturer should only BC students’ names in, or if another type of messaging service has been used there should be no reply to all function. A cock up.