DD angry at mature student for inappropriate email

[KeepCalmPlease]

NC just in case.
Daughter is angry this eve as a mature student on her course has mistakenly replied all to the class, instead of just her lecturer. In the email, apparently they brag about finishing their assigned work early, and then flirt about a shared hobby with lecturer. Daughter wants to bring this up formally with the institution along with other friends of hers. I haven't seen the email so I'm not sure what "flirting" is but I suspect the mature student, being older, just shares a hobby with lecturer (and likes being teachers pet).
My advice to her is just ignore the mistake, keep your head down and make sure your own work is done. AIBU?

I'm not sure why DD is so exasperated by this. I'm sure many emails fly about all day in academia.

I strongly suspect the email is not as the OP's DD has described. Who brags about submitting an assignment early and why would mentioning submitting early be bragging? The "flirting" is probably nothing of the sort either. The DD's reaction is more about how she feels than what has actually happened - issues around completing and submitting work on time and she probably fancies or idolises the lecturer/wants to impress them herself.

What the hell has it got to do with her?

Unless the email was sharing some confidential information there's nothing to bring up.

She sounds jealous. What relevance is it even that the student is 'mature'?

Is she always so petty?

She needs to stop fixating on other people and live her own life. She’s jealous.

She does sound jealous. Is she used to being the teacher's favourite, or is she trying to be? It's a ridiculous over-reaction. All the group WhatsApp messages make it sound as if she's in a nasty, gossipy group. I just can't imagine caring beyond cringing a bit for the person who sent it. Being a mature student, and in the minority, feeling older and often a bit out of things, combining studying with other responsibilities, is hard enough without feeling as if you're being judged.

I feel quite sorry for that mature student. They'll feel awful about this.

I would say though that my emails to professors were far more casual than any of the ones I saw my fellow students send (I was shown some by them as class rep)

Mine were obviously polite but after 25 years of working were more of fellow professionals working together on a project.

@KeepCalmPlease For what it is worth I think you are taking the right stance as a parent. As others have said the chances of this making a material impact on results is neglible and they are all technically adults now. It happens. The mature student part is misleading and I would politely suggest a bit ageist. The mature student will have worked hard to get on the course and I would find it incredibly rude if I thought my counterparts were judging me on age. They will need to be careful they are not giving this student grounds for a formal complaint too.

I would try and use it as an opportunity to explain this is the real world now and they are no longer in school...

Honestly OP, seeing as your daughter hasn’t shown you the email, I imagine that on some level she already knows that it isn’t particularly bad and doesn’t want your rational, level-headed response, and she’s enjoying the drama with her friends right now. But this is where she needs to be careful - I would perhaps ask her if there is anything in her own communication record (ie the group whatsapps) that might be considered a breach/bullying. Then say how easily this student made a mistake and shared an intended private communication with the world, and how easily that could happen to her (all it takes is someone screenshotting something she might have said and sharing with someone else).

I definitely think this is a case of emotions being stronger than logic, as you’d expect at that age, and hopefully sleeping on it overnight will have been enough for her to realise that this is a fruitless piece of gossip that doesn’t impact her at all. Even if there was something untoward in the student’s relationship with the lecturer, there’s not an unlimited amount of good grades available and if her work is good enough then she will get the grade she deserves.

I do think she might have a bit of a crush on the lecturer though, hence the spike in emotions.

I think I speak for everyone when I ask what the shared hobby is.

Cycling or rowing?

@burnoutbabe

'A shared holiday sounds inappropriate though.'

Good thing that's not mentioned then.

Not sure why you can't just read that again, but she said your daughter sounds immature. And a little jealous/ spiteful.

And she's right.

Drama 🦙

It sounds like your daughter needs to grow up a little.

Unless there is evidence of inappropriate behaviour in the email there is absolutely nothing to complain about.
A flirty tone is subjective - I teach mature students and we will often have a more informal relationship as we're close in age. Students will ask about my holidays or mention shared interest. It's just conversation.

As for favouritism, all assessed work will be moderated and subject to external examination so any anomalies will be picked up.

How is she going to cope in the workplace if this sort of thing gets her so wound up?

OP, you might want to warn your DD that organising a pile-on on an older student might be seen as ageism and bullying and if the older student wants to make a thing of it DD could end up on the front page of the Mail as a tyrannical Gen Z zealot trying to bully a mature student out of education. As others have said, the mature student has already been humiliated by this. Any attempt to compound the humiliation will look like a personal vendetta motivated by jealousy or a sense of inadequacy. I presume the mention of the mature student getting work in on time has pressed buttons?

With retirement in sight I'm thinking of signing up to do another degree at my local university but the thought of having to negotiate my way through it among a cohort of censorious young people makes my blood run cold. Perhaps I'll just cut straight to an MA and hope it's full of critical thinkers of a certain age.

A mature student of my acquaintance is currently coming to the end of a art foundation course and, having been told time and time again that 'you can't say that, you can't do that, you're not supposed to think that' by both fellow students and staff, decided to make her final project about the censorship of older women — and has been told she can't do that, by her 20-something course tutor, because it would cause too much trouble for everyone and upset her fellow students.

I think because of the embarrassment the lecturer will probably now bend over backwards to distance themselves and ensure everything is marked super fair.

It's good this has happened.

@Hobbi sorry I read hobby as holiday!

Though I managed to skip a reference to a tv show I know both me and lecturer liked into my essay (mafs) though it was relevant to the topic (consent /drinking/ non professional participation in tv shows).

Agree with this. Time to tell your DD to grow up, mind her own business and concentrate on her own work

I’d have laughed as a student if I’d seen an email like that. Your DD just needs to move on.

A chatty email would piss people off? Really?

Some people really need to grow up.

I was a mature student on a post-graduate course. One of the lecturers had been a friend at a different university for our first degrees. This was in the days before so much technology but if either of us had emailed about lunch or a drink together and sent it to the whole group it would not have caused much of a ripple.

I would be worried about favouritism too

I’m an academic. If any of the students want to complain they need to read their course handbook carefully and work out exactly what they’re complaining about because ‘Bob sent the tutor a mildly flirty email and we think she’s going to give him a better grade because of it’ would be received with an eye roll.

Instead of all this drama have any of them actually had a chat with Bob about it instead of bitching about him on WhatsApp? It can be a pain in the arse when students get a bee in their bonnet. Some of them, usually the weaker ones, seem to thrive on generating hysteria over perceived slights. In reality we mostly don’t know their names and their assessments are marked anonymously.

There’s no GDPR issue here. The email will have gone to students’ uni email account and their email addresses will be in the organisation’s address book, so nothing is being disclosed. It will only have gone to students registered on the module, again no inappropriate disclosure. A reply to all function is not against GDPR. Unless the email the lecturer sent included personal details about a student/students then the lecturer has not breached GDPR. The student is responsible for their own “data” so whilst they might not have meant to share it publicly, they haven’t broken GDPR by doing so.

Mumsnet strikes again! Poor girl being torn to shreds ... noone knows the girl, nor read the email but so many opinions and adjectives used for this poor soul immature, spiteful etc. Who do you think you are to classify a girl and talk about bullying? Look at you lot first before attacking other people!

OP I'm sorry I can't advise probably your daughter is not completely unreasonable but I don't think such a thing can be formally reported.

I was thinking the same. She has seen the message from the student, but nothing of the lecturer's response. Most likely the lecturer will continue to behave professionally. It is nothing to do with dd, she needs to forget about it.