To have just driven off?

[Oklie]

On my way home from work I collect mine and DHs DC either from nursery or my parents wherever they are that day as both are on my route home.

I also pass my husbands exes house who he shares a child with and so on the days (50:50) they are with us my husband will ask me to collect SC too.

Our DC are young and are often ratty by 5:30/6pm when they are picked up. There are often tantrums in the car or trying to get out of car seats when we pull up anywhere etc..

I have asked time and time again for SC to be ready when we arrive, he knows the time we will be there and I always let him know on the day too both earlier and 10 mins before we arrive. His mum also knows when I'll be picking up. However he always without fail seems to take ages coming out and its chaotic in the car waiting with tired, hungry and grumpy little ones.

I have asked dh to speak to him, I have spoken to him myself, I have asked DH to speak to ex, I have called / texted when I'm there and it's been 10 + mins of waiting in the car.

Anyway today I'd just had enough. It got to 15 mins of waiting in the car and I rang him again to which he admitted he was "just finishing a game" (as in a multiplayer xbox game) and was 'coming now'.

It got to gone 20 minutes I'd been waiting and so I text again, said it wasnt on and that I was going now and I just drove off and left. DH later went back himself.

DH thinks I was wrong, ex is apparently "fuming" because it meant she had to set off late for work waiting for DH to get there (but couldn't make sure he was ready to go on time obviously). I am passed caring. I don't mind picking up SS but I don't want to be left outside in the car for 20+ bloody minutes dealing with stressed out toddlers. It's disrespectful, especially when it's down to finishing a fucking game. This is not the first time this has happened, its not even uncommon, its practically 90% of the time I go I am left waiting for a stupid amount of time.

Was I unreasonable to have left? SS is 12.

any DH that asks his wife to regularly collect his son at the end of the day with two tired toddlers from a woman she has zero context with…. and then gets pissed off when she drives off after 20 mins waiting (and it happens more than 90% of the time) well, is not a thoughtful man

So you’re saying that the behaviour of ‘warring parents’ is having a negative effect on the boy and you feel sorry for him. Yet in your next breath you’re saying it’s unreasonable for his dad to ask OP to collect him even though she’s passing his house on her way home, and, timekeeping arrangements aside, is perfectly willing to do so ?

Assuming that the 50/50 arrangement puts the onus on each parent to drop off DSS at the others’ home each time, then if OP doesn’t pick up, the child will have to either make his own way or rely on his clearly unco-operative mother to bring him, and yet you seem to be criticising OP and her DH for trying to make the situation a little easier for everyone. Child included.

@Rosscameasdoody
you don’t have children 🤷

OP and DH have both ‘had a chat’ with him and it hasn’t changed anything. And they have no control over his gaming - any ‘unplugging’ would have to be done by his mother, and l suspect that isn’t happening any time soon.

the boy is with his father 50% of the time

given his father is so disrespectful to his SM
and given his mother is so disrespectful to his SM

im not surprised he is disrespectful towards his SM

Another reach. Still, saves actually addressing what l said.

what exactly is your point

that this 12 year old is a selfish prick?

What other thread ? I don’t tell lies. And all l’ve said here is that you’re reaching. You’re getting dangerously close to deletion territory here.

If you bothered to read the post l was replying to, my point is clear l think. The poster was advocating that OP talk to DSS - l was pointing out that they’ve already done this and it hasn’t made a difference. And they have no control over his gaming so it’s pointless suggesting they unplug it when they can’t physically do that. You’re the one who used the phrase selfish prick, not me. I would never apply that term to a 12 year old child. So now you’re just trolling my posts and derailing the thread in the process.

🤷

moving on.

For the integrity of OP’s thread that’s best l think.

Which means she has step children doesn’t it ?

I would ask dh to pick up his child

I know that. The consequences should have come much earlier.
The unplugging was to someone saying you can't expect kids to stop a game mid-play.

What has not having children have to do with giving advice?

According to many on this site, not having children means it's impossible to have a valid opinion about anything related to children.

Trollhunting - last sentence

I'd have gone 10 minutes beforehand to be honest, they need to sort themselves out and not fuck about

I love this! Well done you! I think once it had gotten to 5 minutes, I would have been gone. Set your boundary that you aren’t waiting, it’s not fair on your DC either. I think when he said he was on a game I would have lost my shit.

Agree - if it’s 50/50 shared custody you have to wonder why his dad hasn’t come up with consequences on his own watch before now. And I wouldn’t hesitate to unplug if I was DM in this situation.

When my EXH had his GF picking our kids up I would absolutely make sure my kids were ready to go 5 mins before agreed time. So all screens off, shoes and jackets at the ready (I don't allow shoes in the house) and they had everything that they needed so it was just a case of putting on shoes/jacket and off they went. A maximum of 30 seconds. It's the mums job to make sure that her son's ready to go. At 12 he should be at the door ready to go when she pulls up! If that was me I would have stopped doing pick up a looooong time ago.

Wait maximum 5 mins (that’s generous, I’d give 2, especially with a ten min heads up)
then leave again.

husband, kid, or other mom will figure it out sooner or later. This is not on you.