To have just driven off?

[Oklie]

On my way home from work I collect mine and DHs DC either from nursery or my parents wherever they are that day as both are on my route home.

I also pass my husbands exes house who he shares a child with and so on the days (50:50) they are with us my husband will ask me to collect SC too.

Our DC are young and are often ratty by 5:30/6pm when they are picked up. There are often tantrums in the car or trying to get out of car seats when we pull up anywhere etc..

I have asked time and time again for SC to be ready when we arrive, he knows the time we will be there and I always let him know on the day too both earlier and 10 mins before we arrive. His mum also knows when I'll be picking up. However he always without fail seems to take ages coming out and its chaotic in the car waiting with tired, hungry and grumpy little ones.

I have asked dh to speak to him, I have spoken to him myself, I have asked DH to speak to ex, I have called / texted when I'm there and it's been 10 + mins of waiting in the car.

Anyway today I'd just had enough. It got to 15 mins of waiting in the car and I rang him again to which he admitted he was "just finishing a game" (as in a multiplayer xbox game) and was 'coming now'.

It got to gone 20 minutes I'd been waiting and so I text again, said it wasnt on and that I was going now and I just drove off and left. DH later went back himself.

DH thinks I was wrong, ex is apparently "fuming" because it meant she had to set off late for work waiting for DH to get there (but couldn't make sure he was ready to go on time obviously). I am passed caring. I don't mind picking up SS but I don't want to be left outside in the car for 20+ bloody minutes dealing with stressed out toddlers. It's disrespectful, especially when it's down to finishing a fucking game. This is not the first time this has happened, its not even uncommon, its practically 90% of the time I go I am left waiting for a stupid amount of time.

Was I unreasonable to have left? SS is 12.

The DM could have saved the OP from wasting her time by messaging her Ex back saying....

"D12 year old is playing a game right now and as he wants to complete it tonight he will be sometime yet so I'll bring him over to your house so as not to inconvenience him in having to stop mid way, after all It would be unreasonable of me to ask him to stop so I don't expect your DW and her 2 young DC to wait outside especially as DW will probably be tired after working all day then getting home even later due to having to hang around for him, plus the little one's will be shattered and will want to get to bed anyway"

But no, DM,...she can't be inconvenienced.

Actions speak louder than words so you hopefully won't have this problem again lol 😆

I'm a 'bio mum' and I agree entirely with what you did. I feel a bit for the SC, not because of you, but because surely his mum could be overseeing this and helping him to organise his time. It sounds like she isn't.

With you not getting on it sounds so difficult to be able to manage it. I understand why you'd be inclined to leave it for the husband and his ex to sort out tbh. If the lad is struggling with being on time, which alot do when sucked into gaming, it's really on the mum to make sure this doesn't happen is my view.

Because they have a car full of little kids?

This is his mother's fault. and his. You should leave every time they aren't out there on time. Someone needs to teach them that other people aren't there to serve them and be at their beck and call.

My sympathies. Being a step mum with a lack of respect or willingness to work together from the birth mum is awful. Hardest thing I’ve ever done and still doing. You are not being unreasonable. They are taking the piss and can suck it up.

Step back and let DH and the SS and his mum all work it out. You pick up Ur kids and bring them home. Stop dancing to everyone else's tune.
Makes my blood boil just reading this story.
Everyone just using you and not thanking you for putting urself out for something that isn't even Ur job.

This

You offered to collect him, he effectively declined and behaved poorly in the process.

Oh dear. Suggest his mum can sort his transport from now on.

I'd have driven off too.

Not unreasonable at all.

I will sometimes pick my DD up from her dad's who is about a 10min drive away with my 4 & 5 year old in the car too. We'll always have arranged the time, i.e. 1pm. I'll ring her when I'm leaving so she's knows I'll be there in 10mins and sometimes I'm still sat there waiting for her for 15mins the 4 & 5 year old are bickering / arguing / taking at me constantly / wanting to get out of the car and it drives me bloody mental!

She knows what time I'll be coming, she's had all the time to get ready. When I tell her I'll be there in 10mins it should just be a case of shoes (and coat if necessary) and out of the door but IT NEVER BLOODY IS!

And that's with my biological DD. So I'm with you on this one OP.

Quite a difficult situation for you. I think that you have faced this problem many times, and your decision to leave was a reaction to accumulated feelings of frustration and disappointment. I know that in such situations, discuss how you feel and offer practical solutions to improve the situation.

It's not the OP's fault mum would be late for work.

The OP was there on time.

It's her son's fault and mum could have done something about it!

So you worked all day, had to pick up the two children, and then go pick up the stepson.

I sure hope that your DH was home preparing a nice meal for all of you before you get home. I suspect that isn't the case though.

I wouldn't give them any more chances you've been more than patient enough with this. let dad and mum handle it.

The mum knows what time he's being picked up but doesn't care enough to hurry her son along.
She doesn't respect OP and is passing it on to the son.

That said, OP & her DH should have had a chat with the son when he first started doing it and nipped it in the bud.

Gaming worse, they soon learn to behave if unplugged mid game.

Like a pp, only had to do it twice before it hit home.
Now even of they're mid game, they communicate well and check timings before starting one.

please don’t do this op

and as if the neighbour gives a shit that the insensitive prick disturbing everyone on the street is waiting for her DSS

the ex doesn’t give a shit about the current wife
the dh doesn’t give a shit about putting his wife regularly out of her way with his two very young children and then accused her of being in the wrong
the boy has grown up with two selfish parents and doesn’t have a good barometer sbout being polite and thoughtful

the only mystery to me is why the hell did the op marry him when presumably
a) the ex was like this
b) she could see the boy was not being parented well by the man she was dating

Oh it's OPs fault is it?

Apparently this poster doesn’t think so, no. Made that clear upthread. Somehow - despite OP not posting any information to that effect - Lemonfawn thinks that the child is rude and disrespectful because he’s stuck in the middle of ‘warring parents’ who have never taught him any manners and are setting a bad example by their behaviour. This presumably includes OP by default because she married into it.

of course it does t include the OP

i feel sorry for her

and i wouldn’t have driven off because i wouldn’t even have agreed to regularly collect him with my two toddlers at the end of the day!!

i said the only “mystery” was what drew the op to join this shit show in the first place!

Lemonfawn thinks that the child is rude and disrespectful because he’s stuck in the middle of ‘warring parents’ who have never taught him any manners and are setting a bad example by their behaviour

why else would a 12 year old boy be so disrespectful and thoughtless?

Massive and ridiculous reach. Nearly as ridiculous as the poster who suggested that at 6pm after a day at work, OP takes her two tired, hungry and grumpy toddlers into the house at pick up time for juice and happy families !!

There’s nothing in OP’s posts to suggest that anything other than DSS’s behaviour - enabled by his mother - is to blame for the situation. DH probably snapped at OP in the heat of the moment for driving off without DSS because he was likely dreading the inevitable earache from his ex as a result. All that needs to happen is for DH to remind his ex that OP is doing the pick ups as a favour and that if ex hasn’t got the manners to make sure DSS is ready on time, she’ll have to make other arrangements for him.

for me it’s the fact that the dh even thinks it’s reasonable to ask his wife to regularly collect his son at the end of the day with two toddler from his ex’s with whom she has a very negative rel with.

It is unbelievable to me that he even thinks this is reasonable to ask of her

Because he’s 12 and he doesn’t want to stop gaming. And his DM clearly enjoys the thought of inconveniencing OP so doesn’t help the situation. Doesn’t mean he hasn’t been taught manners - OP and his dad have both spoken to him about his time keeping. This is squarely on DSS and DM. Him for being rude, and her for enabling it for her own amusement.

head. wall. bang