Different surname for full-siblings

[Bananabreadandstrawberries]

Should full-siblings have the same surname,

DH and I have 1 baby boy, who we have given a double barrelled surname (with mine first, in the spur of the moment DH said he didn’t mind whose name went first). I have not changed my surname, we are married.

Since then DH has had some regrets about this and wants children to have his name only or his name first.

I am now pregnant again. DH has said “ah second. Child can have my name!” Joking - not - joking.

What would you ladies do? I want to be fair, but think it would be odd for siblings with same parents or have different surnames?

IABU: Husbands name for next child (or DH-my surname).
IANBU: Same surname for full siblings

That's interesting, completely the opposite of my experience in school and since then. All my schools, university etc put me on the register based on the second half of my hyphenated surname. I've never once had anyone drop the second part of my surname.
With initials, it's always both or just the last one.

this with bells on.

@crbear - thank you for the information. That is the way I would have thought it would be but wondered if I was out of touch.

I'm not sure how old you are so apologies if I'm way off but I think what I'm describing dates from the use of software like SIMS in schools. Spreadsheet style. The whole double barrel name goes into one cell, so when it sorts alphabetically it lists you with your first surname.

Previously, lists were a bit more manual (physical filing cabinets etc) so they might have done what you describe. Schools are often tech laggards so even as recent as 15y ago many schools had clunky systems.

I would keep the same surnames.

I'm in my very early 30s, we had electronic registers when I was in high school and university, although I'm not sure what the software was, I was still placed alphabetically based on the second half of my surname. Younger family members were in school much more recently than me and they had the same.
Now professionally I get called Miss Secondhalfofsurname regularly but have never been called Miss Firsthalfofsurname.

Hyphenated names are pains for passport and visa purposes. Some countries don’t even recognise them and so you need to provide all kinds of evidence on top. I’d personally change both children’s surnames to a single one - either yours or your husband’s.

Couldn’t give a shit if it’s emasculating. My child has my surname because I gave birth, I think that trumps macho shite!

Where have you had issues with this? And what extra evidence have you had to provide?
I've never experienced this but have only been to Europe and a handful of places outside of Europe.

My paternal grandparents suggested the same thing for me (second child). I'm really glad my mum said no and gave me the same double barrelled name as my sibling.

Erm... quite incorrect.

How on earth does 'a country' get to decide to 'recognise' or not someone's name? My name is my name and 'Gambia' or 'Canada' doesn't get a say in it.

What tends to happen is, you take the hyphen off and put both surnames together in the box, with or without a space.

Also, there are numerous countries where two surnames (no hyphen) is the norm.

@Ozanj I've never had an issue in 30 years of travelling fairly widely. Where have you had that problem?
@tarheelbaby titles and surnames aren't the same. All of those people also have surnames (Windsor in the royal family's case).

Well you’re the one who has to give birth so why shouldn’t your name come first?

I wonder if your parents filled in the registration forms incorrectly if this happened to you and your siblings.

I've worked in schools for over 10y and taught lots of double barrelled kids and it's always listed by the first surname as the whole double barrel is in one field.

I know someone in similar circumstances who alternated surnames of their children. Didn't cause a problem.

I would want them to have the same name, and it's nice to have both your surnames included

Your husband needs to get a fucking grip. Your baby is literally living inside you for 9 months, you get to choose the bloody surname.

Beautifully put!

No the schools had our full names correct, when reading the register they even read it all out, but we were 'filed' under the second half of the surname only. It was the same for other children in my classes with double barrelled surnames too.
All my school records have the correct name.
I filled in my uni application and registration forms myself so know that was correct too, and they did the same thing.

Any time you come across the concept ‘emasculation’, you can dismiss the entire idea as utter bullshit. That’s a top tip for all occasions.

It would be absurd not to give both children the double barrelled surname
you both originally agreed on.

If he’s that bothered, he can change his surname to the double barrelled one.

Alternating surnames is not the same as double barrelling and then deciding the second must be named according to the patriarchal standard because his dad is feeling sad and emasculated.

Any time you come across the concept ‘emasculation’, you can dismiss the entire idea as utter bullshit.

I would like this cross-stitched, framed and on my wall.

I had two university friends that used different surnames to their sibling. In one case they actually had different surnames - from memory, older boy had mum's, younger girl dad's, parents were still together but had never married. In the other case, both sisters had the same double barrelled name and each used a different half of it day to day. Unusual in both cases, I guess, but not unworkable.

I do think it's a bit rich of your DH to change his mind now, though.

If he were my husband I'd just laugh at him until such time as he can justify why his masculinity is being threatened by our child's name. Utterly ridiculous and regressive thinking that should not be pandered to.

We have friends who very sensibly didn't want their daughters to have long double barrelled surnames to write, so they gave one girl each half of their name. I.e. Anna Armstrong and Jill Jones instead of Anna and Jill Armstrong-Jones. Their girls are in their late 20's and it was considered very strange, but I think it is a lovely tribute to both families. We also know four couples in the last five years who have combined their names i.e. Jim Smith and Amy Wilson become the Smithsons. Why not reverse the double barrelled names? The UK has very lax legal naming rules so take advantage!