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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sex for rent

186 replies

Hartley99 · 08/04/2024 23:16

I was just watching a documentary on the sex for rent scandal. Basically, landlords offer a room in exchange for sex. In most cases, the landlords are older men and the renters are young women. Apparently, it is common in places with large student populations - in other words, where there are lots of very young women who are struggling with debts/ loans.

The whole thing really sickened me. A journalist (herself a young woman) secretly filmed a meeting with one of these landlords. She posed as a young student who had seen his ad and wanted to know more. It made my skin crawl. He was late 40s, and a repulsive, creepy little nerd who could hardly contain his excitement. But what sickened me the most was that not only did he not think he was doing anything wrong, he thought he was being generous! He seemed to think he was doing her a favour! That seemed to be the attitude of all these men.

The other thing that got me was the comments below the video. I had naively expected people to write how vile it all was, how these men were taking advantage of the housing shortage, how they were targeting very young women, and so on. In fact, I read comment after comment (all by men) angrily defending the landlords! The general view seemed to be that it was a big fuss over nothing, that it was up to the women, and that if it was consensual it was OK and we should mind our own business. So many people were defending the landlords that I honestly began to doubt my own judgement. Is it wrong? Am I being over-sensitive and naive?

OP posts:

JHound · 15/02/2025 22:36

Desertislandparadise · 09/04/2024 05:44

Very depressing stuff. But have to say, the fact that we clearly all agree that this is horrible just goes to show that 'sex work is work' is just not true.

No one would mind lowering rent in exchange for mowing the lawn or whatever. Sex work (in all its various shapes and forms) is very often exploitative and I wish we all a society would stop glamourising it.

Except I would. I have seen ads for housemates that explicitly said it would be cheaper rent if the applicant agreed to do more of the household chores. I thought they were out of line.

There is also a world of difference between freely choosing to do something and being coerced into it.

JHound · 15/02/2025 22:40

Chatonette · 09/04/2024 09:15

So….this is sex work. The girls may not be getting cash, but they’re getting rent in lieu of cash.

The ‘doing the girl a favour’ thing really bugs me. I worked with a guy who used a prostitute when he went to Thailand. He said that what he paid her was what an average Thai worker earns in a week (but was peanuts for him). Because he ‘gave’ her a weeks’ salary, he acted like he was a fucking philanthropist.

If there was not a housing crisis maybe. But there is so this is more than simply sex work.

It’s men once again, using women’s desperation to coerce sex from them.

JHound · 15/02/2025 22:41

MarkSloaneComeBack · 09/04/2024 10:07

This is vile but as long as there are women prepared to do this, it will continue

So blame the women in desperate situations but not the men exploiting that desperation.

Of course.

JHound · 15/02/2025 22:46

ItsRalf · 09/04/2024 11:13

My landlord tried this with me. I reported it. He gave me a section 21 afterwards. The council was well aware of what he did and yep, I'm still in this property with a god awful landlord who I don't feel safe around. I've tried private properties and I'm struggling to get anywhere. So I have to stay here with this disgusting man. I've paid for repairs to this property as he won't get tradesmen in, he just wants to do them himself. I don't trust him near me or my two daughters who are both teenagers.

The thing is, nobody cares. The police didn't care, the council didn't care. You just have to get on with it until you find another place to live.

And this is my issue. This is not women freely offering sex services. These are desperate women dealing with the shit show that is the private rental market who often feel they have no other option.

It is a fact of life that wherever you get desperate women you get men willing to use that to coerce sex from them.

Interestingly the opposite almost never happens.

JHound · 15/02/2025 22:48

MintGreenC · 09/04/2024 13:21

Lots of men will pressure women into sex until they give in. That's nothing new.

Show quote history

Yep. A LOT of men think coercion = consent.

JHound · 15/02/2025 22:51

Maddy70 · 09/04/2024 14:47

Im on the fence ... its exploitative for sure ... (i haven't seen the documentary)

But...
If its made very clear at the outset that its a "deal" and they aren't coerced into believing it's a relationship etc. Then it's no different from finding someone on sugardaddy.com

As long as all parties are in agreement at the outset then I'm ambivalent

They are coerced if they are desperate for somewhere safe to sleep.

JHound · 15/02/2025 22:54

Notimeforaname · 09/04/2024 18:21

can it really be a consensual choice if the alternative is homelessness?

Yes it is a choice to look to exchange sex for a rent-free home.

Like op says many of them are students. If you make a choice to go to uni while living outside of your means and then choose to have sex for free rent, yes this is a choice and consent has been given.

Edited

Coercion is never consensual.

JHound · 15/02/2025 22:55

Harmonypus · 11/04/2024 00:15

In my opinion, I agree, this is a vile, grubby practice, but then if there weren't women prepared to provide the sex in lieu of rent, then these disgusting landlords wouldn't be able to get their grubby way.

So you blame women for men choosing to exploit them.

Lovely.

JHound · 15/02/2025 22:59

claireismyname · 24/04/2024 08:01

Would this be any different if the man asking for sex was young and attractive, the property located in Chelsea, and the sex was once per month.

And is it the same if the woman in question has regular casual sex with strangers she meets in pubs after being bought a round of drinks?

Not a clear cut matter I'm afraid.

If you don’t understand the difference between consent and coercion then you cannot be helped. It’s nothing like a woman freely choosing to have a one night stand.

JHound · 15/02/2025 23:01

SwordToFlamethrower · 24/04/2024 09:53

If these men really cared and wanted to help out struggling, young women, they'd offer their rooms for free, no strings.

This is so similar to the Oxfam scandal where aid workers were paying women and children for sex, arguing they were helping them financially and they were helping those struggling.

No.

If they wanted to help struggling women and kids, they'd give them money with no strings.

It's always sex isn't it. These men are offenders, taking advantage of vulnerable women and children for their own gratification.

THIS!!

They claim to be “doing the women a favour”.

So why don’t they just let them stay rent free while they get on their feet? They clearly don’t need the rent money.

JHound · 15/02/2025 23:04

ageratum1 · 24/04/2024 13:34

There is middle ground between being altruistic, and being exploitative, and that is a transactional relationship.She gets a UK passport and a more comfortable life and opportunitiesfir her child , and he gets a pretty young thai wife.

Show quote history

Men like that don’t view women as anything more than sexy lampshades.

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