Sex for rent

[Hartley99]

I was just watching a documentary on the sex for rent scandal. Basically, landlords offer a room in exchange for sex. In most cases, the landlords are older men and the renters are young women. Apparently, it is common in places with large student populations - in other words, where there are lots of very young women who are struggling with debts/ loans.

The whole thing really sickened me. A journalist (herself a young woman) secretly filmed a meeting with one of these landlords. She posed as a young student who had seen his ad and wanted to know more. It made my skin crawl. He was late 40s, and a repulsive, creepy little nerd who could hardly contain his excitement. But what sickened me the most was that not only did he not think he was doing anything wrong, he thought he was being generous! He seemed to think he was doing her a favour! That seemed to be the attitude of all these men.

The other thing that got me was the comments below the video. I had naively expected people to write how vile it all was, how these men were taking advantage of the housing shortage, how they were targeting very young women, and so on. In fact, I read comment after comment (all by men) angrily defending the landlords! The general view seemed to be that it was a big fuss over nothing, that it was up to the women, and that if it was consensual it was OK and we should mind our own business. So many people were defending the landlords that I honestly began to doubt my own judgement. Is it wrong? Am I being over-sensitive and naive?

No, I'm not at all surprised. What does surprise me is the number of people who excuse them. I just know that if I went to the local pub at the weekend, and started a debate on this subject, someone would angrily defend the landlords. Read an article about these men online and then look at the comments section. Some of the comments are just breathtaking. And these aren't idiots. They're men who genuinely can't understand what the fuss is about.

The other thing that surprises (and sickens me) is the way these men think they're doing good. In the various documentaries and articles, some of the landlords see themselves as generous and noble. They think they're being kind by letting the girl off the rent!! In reality, of course, they're not letting her off at all. They're taking advantage of her situation.

The self-delusion of these arseholes is unbelievable. You see the same attitude with men who buy foreign wives. I remember someone telling me they knew a guy in his 60s with a pretty young Russian wife. He also had a couple of rescue dogs and used to joke that he lived in a house full of things he'd 'saved', like he was fucking Ghandi or something. In reality he was a grubby little predator who'd exploited that young woman and her wish to give her daughter a better life.

If we had harsher punishments in this country, we’d have less crimes. He belongs in jail, let’s see how he likes his accommodation there.

The bigger the wealth gap between rich and poor, the greater the opportunity for this kind of exploitation. It’s inequality that’s the driver, it allows for disgusting individuals to exploit others. I’m sure the gender pay gap also doesn’t help.

In my opinion, I agree, this is a vile, grubby practice, but then if there weren't women prepared to provide the sex in lieu of rent, then these disgusting landlords wouldn't be able to get their grubby way.

"If there weren't desperate, vulnerable women who thought that this was the only way that they could avoid homelessness, these disgusting landlords wouldn't be able to get their grubby way."

Fixed it for you.

Why would you assume it’s all men voting that way?
I’m a man and think it’s absolutely dreadful. Most of us can see this sort of thing absolutely is not okay.

The worst is local housing charities and associations where lone women are expected to house themselves by shacking up with a man as a way of solving their lack of housing crisis. Yes this attitude is out there in the realm. If your a childfree woman they see you tethering yourself to a guy for housing as an option so therefore u won’t need help with housing this was put to a woman I know. Rain Dogs showed a scenrio like this but with a mother on the brink of desperation which was pretty grim sadly as having a roof over your head is now not simply home but an investment . My other realisation is women being beggars with male handlers watching from shelter as they sit in the cold being lashed by rain begging for money on my local high street you report but because its women being exploited its just part and parcel of everyday life. Modern Slavery, human trafficking is thriving in many guises

Had a friend who did this a long time ago. The whole thing backfired on him badly when he got his japanese tenant pregnant.

She knew almost no English and had a 30k debt due to non payment of rent on her former residence.

He paid off her debts, married her, and supported her lazy lifestyle for many years until he died young from cancer.

@cariadlet

I totally agree that this should not be happening, buy unfortunately it is.
Many of us have been desperate in some way or another, at some time in our lives, but the majority will try anything and everything rather than resorting to what is ultimately sex work, but then there are others who either hit rock bottom and see it as their only option, or there are some who see this type of sex work as a means to an end.
So yes, there are vulnerable women who feel they have no choice (which really shouldn't be happening anyway), but there are some who would actually choose to use their bodies rather than cash to pay for rent, if/where it's an option.

Well the question is ambiguous. Which one are we voting on?
Is it wrong? Am I being over-sensitive and naive?

To be honest I’d do it. I’d be able to save £12,000 in a year, and buy a house in two 🤷‍♀️

You keep justifying it, which says a lot about you TBH. How did you come to know this man?

I just refuse him access and never let myself be alone around him if I ever need to be near him.

We have viewings each week for other properties but it is a nightmare! Hopefully something soon though x

Are you sure the payoff would be worth it ,some repulsive oik grunting away on top of you? What looks ok on paper might be very different in reality.

@ItsRalf hoping you find something soon. Do you share a house/living space with him or “just” have him as a landlord?

Gross. Have some self respect.

I don’t care what you think, it wasn’t me doing it and I wonder if the others on this thread who was offered this set up reported it? Probably not. I clearly stated at the time I didn’t know it was illegal. Gross but not illegal. The woman I was told about was not going to be homeless she moved from a flat share to his, if you were going to be homeless you would live anywhere you wouldn’t hope to only live in zone 1 of central London 😑

I dont think you get the point being expressed.
There is a choice but not really - much like Sophies choice ( please see premise of film )
homelessness and not being safe- or doing something with a man that makes you feel violated ( so that you can have somewhere to stay ).
much like the girls who strip or work brothels in America, that have chosen this path ( but again not a real choice, what was the alternative ??? think about it )

not everyone has friends or family to support them

The way I see it landlords engaging in this behaviour is no different to random men engaging the services of sex workers. In other words the debate/discussion should be about prostitution in general, as there is nothing different or worse when it's a landlord.

As to consensual prostitution in general, well it's a tricky one. Obviously it's horrible for the women (and sometimes men) who have to endure it just to put bread on the table. However, the reality of life is that without earning a living you're hungry and homeless.

As such people have to engage in all kinds of unsavory jobs to earn a living. That doesn't in itself make it exploitative or coercive.

I wonder how a man like that would react if you called him out on his behaviour? I mean, if you looked him in the face and said “what you did was disgusting. You knew I was struggling and you tried to take advantage. Imagine if that was your daughter or sister. How could you have looked yourself in the mirror?”

I’m sure some scumbags would just laugh, and others are so fucking cretinous they wouldn’t understand. But I bet some would feel bad if they were confronted in that way. Often, it’s only when somebody spells something out that people realise what they’re doing is wrong.

I see your point. Personally, I think men who suggest sex for rent are worse than men who visit prostitutes. I think men who go to Thailand or Russia in search of young brides are also worse. It’s the way they take advantage of these women that sickens me. They know they’re vulnerable, and they exploit that. You could say that prostitutes are also vulnerable, and that their clients are taking advantage, but I’m not convinced that is always the case. It’s all pretty hideous and depressing, of course, but I’m sure some prostitutes see their job as just that - a job. I have heard women say that they enjoy sex work, and that they prefer it to working in Tesco.

Also, it’s the power imbalance and the age gap that I hate. I could forgive a teenage boy who visited a brothel. He’s young and stupid and half-mad with raging hormones, but an older man should know better. With sex for rent, or foreign brides, it’s always ugly old men with money exploiting young attractive women without.

It’s not 10 people, the vote showed 10%. Currently it’s 8% of the 1250 who voted, that’s about 100 people currently!

God knows what the results would have been if it was only men voting. Look up an article or video on sex for rent and then read the comments underneath. It’s unbelievable. So many men genuinely cannot see the problem. And a lot of them don’t just defend these scumbags, they angrily defend them. No wonder so few women report rape or childhood abuse.

There's a thread in the property section about the soaring costs of rents. I agree the men who offer sex for rent are awful and taking advantage of vulnerable women (and maybe vulnerable men too, if there's any gay landlords doing this?) but I just think it's no good saying sex for rent is bad without addressing why it's happening. If the cost of housing isn't addressed, the alternative to sex for rent will be someone is homeless and that's definitely not safe.

I think with the poll, some could be 'fat fingers'? I've done that before.

Lmao why though? I’d be independent much sooner, my children will have something worth hundreds of thousands to inherit, and I wouldn’t be wasting £1200 a month (most of my paycheck) to be able to live