Sex for rent

[Hartley99]

I was just watching a documentary on the sex for rent scandal. Basically, landlords offer a room in exchange for sex. In most cases, the landlords are older men and the renters are young women. Apparently, it is common in places with large student populations - in other words, where there are lots of very young women who are struggling with debts/ loans.

The whole thing really sickened me. A journalist (herself a young woman) secretly filmed a meeting with one of these landlords. She posed as a young student who had seen his ad and wanted to know more. It made my skin crawl. He was late 40s, and a repulsive, creepy little nerd who could hardly contain his excitement. But what sickened me the most was that not only did he not think he was doing anything wrong, he thought he was being generous! He seemed to think he was doing her a favour! That seemed to be the attitude of all these men.

The other thing that got me was the comments below the video. I had naively expected people to write how vile it all was, how these men were taking advantage of the housing shortage, how they were targeting very young women, and so on. In fact, I read comment after comment (all by men) angrily defending the landlords! The general view seemed to be that it was a big fuss over nothing, that it was up to the women, and that if it was consensual it was OK and we should mind our own business. So many people were defending the landlords that I honestly began to doubt my own judgement. Is it wrong? Am I being over-sensitive and naive?

Utterly vile and incredibly sad that anyone would think this is even remotely ok.

I only hope it does not mess these young women's heads up. I feel sorry for them. In addition I wonder what their families would think. Have their parents even found out?

Terrible that today living independently costs an arm and a leg and inevitably a spiral of debts can ensue alongside many minimum wage jobs.f

You can understand why so many young women do camming and in particular Only Fans as a safer alternative. Either full time or part time to subside their sorry incomes.

Too many minimum wage jobs in the UK alongside extortionate rents is the problem here.

As long as there are men choosing to use/consume women/people like they aren't humans this will continue.

No I won't be reporting. This was years ago now and I have no contact with him or no evidence at the time I actually didn't even know it was illegal. He said the women suggested it.

Have you tried women's aid @ItsRalf ?

Landlord or not this should be classed as DV. (In my opinion).

That's not what your post said earlier. You said ...

I know someone who does this. He has a flat in central London and he rents rooms out for sex.

Present tense, not past/YEARS ago. Your post also suggested that you still know him. There was no 'I used to know him many years ago' in your post.

If you do still know him, and he is still doing it, PLEASE report him. You can do it anonymously!

The biggest reason I think these people are disgusting is because …. How on earth can you feel ok about yourself when you have had sex with someone who doesn't actually want to have sex with you … that's how you know they are not good people because that's gross, Its why i have no problem with prostitutes but i have a problem with the people who use them because how does it not gross them out , My husband cant even get a hard on if I'm not in the mood because he can tell I'm just not into it and so it doesn't turn him on.

I do suspect he still does it. But he told me about it years ago and I have no evidence is what I mean, he told me verbally. I'm no longer in contact with him and won't be reporting something I have no actual proof of. I didn't report it AT the time as I didn't know it was illegal, thought it was gross but not illegal. I do believe he still does it.

Lots of men will pressure women into sex until they give in. That's nothing new.

Thanks for the replies everyone. After reading the comments under these videos, I honestly began to doubt myself. So many people (well, men, let’s be honest) defended the landlords that I wobbled a bit and wondered if I was being prudish and puritanical. A lot of people genuinely cannot see what the fuss is about. I read a couple of articles on this a few years ago, and the online comments were unbelievable. So many men defending these scumbags. The other sickening thing is the way the landlords themselves not only think they’re doing nothing wrong but that they’re being noble and generous - letting the girl stay for ‘free’.

It reminded me of an incident a few years ago. There was a guy I used to see around town who was hideously ugly (late 50s probably). He was often in a wheelchair being pushed by carers. Anyway, one day I saw him sitting in the town centre next to a really pretty but scruffy looking girl with a baby. She was probably 20. As I passed, I thought “oh, that’s nice, that must be his granddaughter or his niece.” Then he suddenly lent forward and stuck his tongue in her mouth. She returned his kiss, and then blushed slightly and looked around to see if anyone was watching. It really shook me. What the hell kind of hold did that disgusting man have over her?

I also remember reading that when the Ukraine war started, there was a massive increase in men looking for Ukrainian brides or girlfriends online. The dating agencies that set up western men with Ukrainian women were overwhelmed with inquiries, apparently. Yet again men taking advantage of vulnerable women. And I bet you’d get the same response from thousands of men: “what’s the problem - it’s their choice. The Ukrainian women get a better life, and the older men get a hot young woman. Everyone’s a winner”

I know Craigslist banned rooms in exchange for sex ads on their site. They also stopped all lonely hearts ads. Presumably because rooms for sex ads were deemed illegal.

They still get a few ads creep through but there is a report button.

Really vile step in the wrong direction.

Imagine if that was your daughter, you know?

I had a landlord years ago who come round to talk about the £300 rent arrears I was in, thought we'd come up with a payment plan but he had other ideas, tried to stick his tongue down my throat and basically offered cheap rent in exchange for sex. I was 23 and he was 84! Grubby little pervert.

Oh God, 83!! That’s just unbelievable. I remember watching one of those hunter videos (you know, where vigilantes confront a man who’s been grooming an underage girl). They caught a guy who was in his 70s and had been to prison years before for sexually abusing his daughter. And there he was, with white hair and a walking stick, waiting outside a train station for a 14-year-old child.

My niece is going to university this year to train in nursing. She’s such a sweet girl - gentle, kind, etc. She’s also very pretty. And she’s got the freshness of youth. You know, the sense of excitement and hope that is quickly ground out of the rest of us lol. The thought of her being exploited by one of these scumbag landlords turns my blood cold.

I often wonder what secrets a lot of men are hiding. How many of the men we work with, or meet at family weddings, etc, have a secret life? How many of them abused a stepdaughter 30 years ago? Or secretly hoard child pornography? Or have offered sex for rent to a vulnerable girl? If I were to list all the men I know, from cousins to neighbours to work colleagues, I could quickly divide them into those I’d trust and those I wouldn’t. It’s strange how easy it is to sense when a man is sinister or predatory. I have a 60-year-old neighbour, for example, who makes my skin crawl. He has never done or said anything to make me suspicious, but I get such a bad vibe off of him.

The theory is though, making it a criminal offence drives it EVEN MORE underground, which means even more human trafficking.

IMO prostitution should be licensed and legal, making illegal prostitution less lucrative. Yes it’s seedy as hell, but better than high numbers of poor women ending up as sex slaves.

God, I’m so sorry. What an absolute piece of shit. The fact that you have teenage daughters is so upsetting. I hope things work out for you and you get them away from him, I really do. I also hope he steps out in front of a bus.

I remember in 2009 when i was looking for a flat when my studies were about to start. I was surprised by the amount of the public ads. I guess I should give them credit for being honest at least. On reputable rental sites. I do know one of my friends who had an "looking for a flat" ad and got a few creeps offering accommodation for sex. Again very honestly. To me it shows how common it is so there is no need to trick anyone.

Exactly my thoughts. I often think that about men who marry mail order brides. If you are 58, obese and ugly, how can you marry a pretty 25-year-old Thai or Russian girl and not feel disgusted with yourself? There is no real intimacy, no affection, no mutual interests, nothing. Perhaps in some cases it grows, but it’s not going to be there at the start. Christ, in many cases they can’t even understand one another. And those men must sense the contempt and disgust these women feel for them. Yet they can still get turned on each night, still go out for meals with her, go shopping with her, and behave as if they’re genuinely in love.

While that is a theory which seems to make sense on the face of it (and indeed was my view until I read more about it), the evidence from countries in which prostitution has been legalised is that trafficking and pimping actually increases.

@Workhardcryharder I used to think that legalising prostitution would make it safer for women who were forced into it but have looked into it more and now support the Nordic Model.

I've been to a couple of Nordic Model Now conferences and listened to survivors of legal prostitution talk about their experiences.

Women are still abused and traumatised. Legalisation just normalises prostitution so that far more men use women. The increased demand leads to increased trafficking.

It's worth checking out the Nordic Model Now website and also following them on Twitter/X.
Julie Bindel has also written extensively about the topic.

@cariadlet - I had never heard of the Nordic model until your post. I will have a look/read into it, so thank you.

Women are still abused and traumatised. Legalisation just normalises prostitution so that far more men use women. The increased demand leads to increased trafficking.

Yes - I fear if prostitution were legalised, it wouldn't protect women and regulate the work. It would just allow more men to abuse more women, but more openly and in plain sight. If said men are ever then questioned on their actions, they would probably just throw a few laws about and claim ignorance, "Oh, but I thought this meant I was allowed to do XYZ."

Im on the fence ... its exploitative for sure ... (i haven't seen the documentary)

But...
If its made very clear at the outset that its a "deal" and they aren't coerced into believing it's a relationship etc. Then it's no different from finding someone on sugardaddy.com

As long as all parties are in agreement at the outset then I'm ambivalent

100 percent agree.

We need to stop normalising ‘sex work is work’. It is not.

It's like modern slavery