Sex for rent

[Hartley99]

I was just watching a documentary on the sex for rent scandal. Basically, landlords offer a room in exchange for sex. In most cases, the landlords are older men and the renters are young women. Apparently, it is common in places with large student populations - in other words, where there are lots of very young women who are struggling with debts/ loans.

The whole thing really sickened me. A journalist (herself a young woman) secretly filmed a meeting with one of these landlords. She posed as a young student who had seen his ad and wanted to know more. It made my skin crawl. He was late 40s, and a repulsive, creepy little nerd who could hardly contain his excitement. But what sickened me the most was that not only did he not think he was doing anything wrong, he thought he was being generous! He seemed to think he was doing her a favour! That seemed to be the attitude of all these men.

The other thing that got me was the comments below the video. I had naively expected people to write how vile it all was, how these men were taking advantage of the housing shortage, how they were targeting very young women, and so on. In fact, I read comment after comment (all by men) angrily defending the landlords! The general view seemed to be that it was a big fuss over nothing, that it was up to the women, and that if it was consensual it was OK and we should mind our own business. So many people were defending the landlords that I honestly began to doubt my own judgement. Is it wrong? Am I being over-sensitive and naive?

They are like fucking animals.

This is reminding me of the profumo affair and Rachman.

I don't know where you live but certainly in England, Wales & Scotland prostitution is (for the most part) totally legal - and taxed.

Its sexual exploitation and should be reported as such. I have worked with young women who experienced this. They were homeless, vulnerable, mentally unwell and I would say that any of those 3 rule out consent.

Current UK Law:
The exchange of sexual services for money is legal in the UK (apart from in Northern Ireland where it's illegal to pay for sex).
But, these related activities are illegal under the Sexual Offences Act 2003:

• soliciting (trying to get clients) on the street or other public place, including someone in a vehicle
• paying for the services of a sex worker who's forced or threatened into it
• owning or managing a brothel (any premises which is used by more than one person for sex work)
• pimping (someone who has control over sex workers and the money they earn)
• advertising sexual services, including putting cards in phone boxes

Advocates of decriminalisation want all aspects of prostitution to be legal including selling sex, buying sex, pimping and owning a brother.

Advocates of the Nordic Model want those exploiting women (including sex buyers and pimps) to be criminalised and prosecuted. The Nordic Model does not want those selling sex (mainly women and girls) to be criminalised. Instead, there should be proper support for those who want to escape prostitution.

Exploiting vulnerable people is not okay. I assume the majority of women “agreeing” to this are not wealthy or with many/any other options. It’s just predatory. And the attitude of “doing these women a favour” like some bloody saint just shows their disdain for the vulnerable women. Doing them a favour is giving them discount on the rent, or waiving it for a month or two if they lose their job or something. It’s not a favour if you are also benefitting, it’s a transaction.
I don’t walk into a shop, buy something and treat the shop worker like dirt because I’ve “done them a favour” with my custom.
These creeps just need to get in the bin.

I thought I remembered reading about this at the time, so did a bit of Googling and am now fucking furious all over again! This is a quote from a news website regarding the invasion of Ukraine:

”There has been a surge of interest in Ukrainian women, with British men offering to host female refugees. Searches combining the words ‘escort’ and ‘rape’ with the words ‘Ukraine’, as well as ‘Ukraine refugee porn’ have risen in an alarming way according to the OCSE…One website offering advice for men seeking mail order brides claims that there has never been a better time to find a Ukrainian wife, citing the abundance of young women who have left Ukraine due to the war.”

So there are foreign bride dating sites that urge men to try their luck because “it’s the perfect opportunity.” How the fuck is that legal? They might as well write “are you old and ugly, with a horrible personality and no social skills? Bet you never thought you could get a beautiful young bride, did you? Well now’s your chance! There are loads of vulnerable, homeless young hotties fleeing Ukraine.”

And I bet the people who run the dating sites, and the men who use them, think they’re saving these women, just as the scumbag landlords who offer sex for rent to young students or homeless girls think they’re doing them a favour.

As long as men exist.. all the seedy things in life will continue, illegal or not. It's all about emptying their balls since the dawn of time. I fucking hate it.

Yes you are probably right to be fair, exposure to women as a sexual object would normalise and desensitise.

Thats a good alternative perspective and has altered my view! Thank you

Yes its absolutely disgusting but if these women are contacting them, arranging meet ups, considering it and then acting on it, then it's a choice.

@OnHerSolidFoundations animals is an unfair description, be considerate of animals and do not compare such men with them. It is minimising what such men do.

Ofcom are useless and I don't expect them to hurry up with guidelines or requirements to reduce the advertising of such a vile practice.

@Notimeforaname can it really be a consensual choice if the alternative is homelessness? I think that muddies the waters massively. To me, it's always difficult if money is changing hands- for it to be fully and completely consensual it needs to be something the woman doesn't feel she 'has' to do (either to pay bills/ put a roof over her head etc etc). Where its landlord who is probably also trying to avoid appropriate landlord duties such as deposit protection, providing an above board contract etc and in the midst of a crisis leaving many priced out of much needed accommodation- then it's exploitation and it becomes harder to argue consent. The other trouble is, what if she no longer wants to have sex- does she lose her home/ is evicted so another vulnerable woman can be moved in? How does that affect her ability to fully consent?

See in the situation I know of the alternative wasn't being homeless it was women who wanted to live in a nice location but not have to pay for it, the women were usually living with parents or in a room in a house share in a rotten area and fancied living in a nicer area in zone 1 central London so it seemed way more of a transaction rather than desperate women doing it because they would be homeless otherwise! Hence not reporting it as it seemed very much a two way thing.

can it really be a consensual choice if the alternative is homelessness?

Yes it is a choice to look to exchange sex for a rent-free home.

Like op says many of them are students. If you make a choice to go to uni while living outside of your means and then choose to have sex for free rent, yes this is a choice and consent has been given.

But you must always consider the circumstances in which they chose - the condition they were in.

First of all, what was their mental health like? Were they depressed? Had they been through a traumatic childhood that left them feeling worthless? Had they been through some kind of breakdown? Were they so desperate and unhappy they didn’t care what happened to them?

Second, what was their financial situation? Was it a case of sleep with me or you’re homeless (and so is your child)? Were they in debt? Would they have been kicked off their university course?

No happy, stable, financially secure young woman would choose to have sex with an ugly old man in some filthy bedsit whenever he felt horny. And no pretty young girl from Thailand or Ukraine would marry such a man if she wasn’t desperate for a new life. Spin in however you like, these men are predatory vermin.

Disgusting.

I have very little time for men who 'buy' young brides from the Philippines, Thailand, Russia etc and absolutely no respect for them whatsoever. A man I know is in his early 60's, overweight, scruffy, poor personal hygiene, has recently introduced us (neighbours) to his beautiful new wife. She's tiny, very young, speaks very little English, but seems happy enough on the surface, at least. I hope she is astute enough to get away from him when she can - if that's what she wants. He's acting as if it was a wonderful holiday romance that turned into true love. Maybe it is. I am judgemental though and I see an unpleasant, predatory older single man with the wherewithal to buy himself a wife.

This should carry the harshest legal penalty possible. It's RAPE.

Paying a woman for sex is rape. It's literally just rape.

You KNOW you're not being over sensitive and naive. Come on.

Hmmm
Have you met animals? Ducks are the worst!

This is nothing new.
I grew up in a very abusive household, not physically but mentally with a mother who was mentally unwell. So as soon as I could get away, I did.

At 17 legally I was unable to hold a tenancy in that era. However, one landlord offered to let me join an existing house share.

I turned up to view the room, only for him to tell me the rent was far more than he originally said over the phone.

He said it didn't matter as he could have an arrangement with me similar to other tenants. He also owned a shop so I assumed he meant working in his shop. No, he said, my wife and mother work there, and pointed to the bed, saying I could work there for 80% of the rent removed. He said I would be entertaining him and his brother and possibly other associates.

Literally ran out and down the road in tears.

Luckily I found out about a charity for teens escaping abuse who housed me in a flat, no strings attached. They told me I wasn't the first to be offered that for rent reduction.

Looking back, there were 4 girls in that shared house, and he had two other shared homes too. It didn't occur to me to report it and I wouldn't have known who to report it to, that and the girls involved probably wouldn't have owned up because they'd have been homeless.

That was way back in the late 90s!

@Hartley99
I'm sorry, maybe I shouid have been clearer. I was responding only to the part about the women who seek out these arrangements for free rent to put themselves through college or uni.

Not someone who was threatened with being made homeless if they dont have sex, or someone fleeing their country.

Never read the comments. That's where the crazy people live.

There used to be a guy in my local Sainsbury’s who’d married a young Asian girl. He was late 50s and hideous looking (short, fat, bald, smelly). She was about 20 and stunning. I mean just stunning. What sickened me most was the sniggering and nudging you’d see as they walked past. Everyone seemed to find it funny. I never saw anyone look at the girl with pity.

The delusions of these men also sickens me. I’m sure the ones who offer such arrangements to vulnerable teens, or Ukrainian refugees, actually think they’re being noble and generous. Same with men like your neighbour. But what puzzles me is whether they really believe that. Is it how they justify to themselves what they’re doing? Or do they think they’re fooling the rest of us? I remember a post on this forum about an old man who’d married a beautiful young Russian woman. The woman had a little girl, and he used to tell all the neighbours that he’d “saved” them - like he was a fucking knight in shining armour. Now did he really believe that, or did he know precisely what he was doing but just hope to win over his neighbours? It genuinely puzzles me.