Sex for rent

[Hartley99]

I was just watching a documentary on the sex for rent scandal. Basically, landlords offer a room in exchange for sex. In most cases, the landlords are older men and the renters are young women. Apparently, it is common in places with large student populations - in other words, where there are lots of very young women who are struggling with debts/ loans.

The whole thing really sickened me. A journalist (herself a young woman) secretly filmed a meeting with one of these landlords. She posed as a young student who had seen his ad and wanted to know more. It made my skin crawl. He was late 40s, and a repulsive, creepy little nerd who could hardly contain his excitement. But what sickened me the most was that not only did he not think he was doing anything wrong, he thought he was being generous! He seemed to think he was doing her a favour! That seemed to be the attitude of all these men.

The other thing that got me was the comments below the video. I had naively expected people to write how vile it all was, how these men were taking advantage of the housing shortage, how they were targeting very young women, and so on. In fact, I read comment after comment (all by men) angrily defending the landlords! The general view seemed to be that it was a big fuss over nothing, that it was up to the women, and that if it was consensual it was OK and we should mind our own business. So many people were defending the landlords that I honestly began to doubt my own judgement. Is it wrong? Am I being over-sensitive and naive?

i just think a few years sacrifice to give my children something to inherit. Reality is I will probably not be able to buy a house until my parents die. And I will have wasted so much money just surviving. I completely understand why someone would do this 🤷‍♀️

@Mamasharp97 · 11/04/2024 09:08

To be honest I’d do it. I’d be able to save £12,000 in a year, and buy a house in two 🤷‍♀️

You really think you can buy a house for £24,000? 😂

Where do you live??? 1981?

Deposit obviously. But then you knew that, didn’t you?

Would this be any different if the man asking for sex was young and attractive, the property located in Chelsea, and the sex was once per month.

And is it the same if the woman in question has regular casual sex with strangers she meets in pubs after being bought a round of drinks?

Not a clear cut matter I'm afraid.

Bloke alert! 😂

It’s a fair point.

If these men really cared and wanted to help out struggling, young women, they'd offer their rooms for free, no strings.

This is so similar to the Oxfam scandal where aid workers were paying women and children for sex, arguing they were helping them financially and they were helping those struggling.

No.

If they wanted to help struggling women and kids, they'd give them money with no strings.

It's always sex isn't it. These men are offenders, taking advantage of vulnerable women and children for their own gratification.

If she has casual sex with a man she meets in a pub, it's because she finds him attractive and wants to have sex. That is different. The man isn't taking advantage of her.

Whenever this subject comes up, people say "yeah, but what if it was an older woman and he was a sexy young guy? What if it was a beautiful young man asking for sex instead of rent from an older woman? Bet you wouldn't have a problem then, huh?" Well, yes, it's still deeply unpleasant. Any form of sexual exploitation is ugly and horrible. But let's be honest here. In 99% of cases it's ugly, creepy older men asking for sex from young, and often poor, women. It's no coincidence that cases are highest in student areas.

Exactly. The same argument is made by men with foreign brides. I knew a guy with a young Thai wife. He was an ugly, nerdy 50-something and she was a beautiful 20-something with a baby daughter. He also had a cat from a rescue home and used to joke that he lived in a house full of things he'd "saved". Bullshit. That girl was poor and vulnerable and he took advantage. Simple as that.

It is completely wrong!

I met one of these people years ago (unknowingly until I got there!)

A friend had forwarded an ad for a flatshare with some guy. The city I was in had a huge housing shortage and getting a place was brutal. I’d been in a series of short-term accommodations (hostels, sublets while tenants were on holiday).

Arrived at the place and the guy was about 30 years older than he looked in his pic.

There was only one double bed in the whole place. When I asked where the other person’s meant to sleep he looked peeved af – well why do you think it’s so cheap?? he huffed. You’d think I was entitled to expect anything more by his attitude.

Turned out he’d advertised at BMR for somewhere to live as he wanted a young woman to shag him – and help him with his emails 😬😂

Madness

There is middle ground between being altruistic, and being exploitative, and that is a transactional relationship.She gets a UK passport and a more comfortable life and opportunitiesfir her child , and he gets a pretty young thai wife.

Yep, still gross.

And how she otherwise conducts her personal sex life is irrelevant to this scenario. People buying each other drinks does not make sex between the same people transactional. Bizarre comment

@ageratum1 Yep, grim as fuck.

I’d be able to put a deposit on a three-four bed! So yeah buy a house, obviously not outright 😂

Prostitution by choice being considered merely unsavoury work - the issues here are that:
(a) the vast majority of prostitution is almost certainly coerced or trafficked - and on that assumption, the number of "merely unsavoury" situations is going to be limited
(b) even where there is "choice" very often the choices are linked back to childhood experiences, people making such "choices" as a result of unresolved trauma.
In relation to (b) and/or working due to necessity (unsavoury work to put food on table), as a society there really is no excuse for these issues to exist at all in the numbers they do - we understand the effect of childhood trauma and there should be sufficient supports in place to prevent or help recovery from it; there should be sufficient social nets in place to prevent "unsavoury" work which is inhumane. Looking after the vulnerable, and sufficient taxation where appropriate to enable this to happen, is the hallmark of a civilised society.

The number of prostitutes who are not working as a result of being coerced, childhood trauma, poverty is going to be small, I think. They will exist, but not many.

Going back to "unsavoury" work, raising the bar on all "unsavoury" work by improving conditions/pay would be a civilised option too.

Poverty is a non-sequitur. Most people work because they need to put food on the table. That doesn't mean their work is not consensual.

Your other points are valid.

I need help I am trying to get my life together and I just got sober he offered for me to move in his house 8 years ago I got clean from drugs the first year from here on I have been sober since 9 years ago since I relapse a year ago after having a miscarriage I'm from my ex-boyfriend who lives in a different city but I still remain to pay rent and live in the house but after relapsing on drugs he wanted to go back to having sex with me I was on drugs and I don't want to have sex but he never told me a relationship was part of the deal when he offered for me to come live with him he gained my trust after 6 months made me Love him unconditionally he is 84 years old and I am 34 I was only 26th 27 years old at the time do you have the manipulator and now he wants to put me out because of last 3 months I tell him I don't feel like having sex I don't want to have sex and he keeps trying to come in my room with no pants on

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
There is a ‘get help’ link.

Riiiiight…it’s a good arrangement if you’re an incel and the abuse of women is your only avenue into sexual activity.

Isn't it, offering to pay for sex is in Scotland anyway ( I believe).

Whenever I have seen stories like this it’s always a bunch of men arguing there is nothing wrong it [it being coercing women into sex in this manner].

They are disgusting.

And a lot of men have a very poor understanding of “consent”.

They think as long as you don’t use force or violence to coerce consent from a desperate woman then it’s find.

Yep. Women without husbands / kids REALLY angers a lot of men. It’s weird.