Female colleague calling and texting partner all the time

[N12251234]

So I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, married for 3. We have a 3 month old baby together.

Just before we conceived our child my husband got a new female colleague. He works 12 hour shifts with her 2 out of the 4 shifts he does in a week. She is 23 and single. We are both in our early 30’s. To begin with he didn’t really like this girl, called her annoying and some other not so nice things. Then as they began to work together more they became good friends. I just want to make it clear that I don’t think he is cheating with her or anything like that.

My issue is, I think she is being a bit disrespectful and so is he. They text each other all the time, send Snapchat pictures to each other, and she calls him at least once every day. Sometime several times a day. He often has her on speaker so I know the chat is innocent. She will literally call just to tell him what she’s eaten for lunch that day. She did this all throughout my pregnancy and when I had just given birth. My partner doesn’t see the issue and just sees her as being friendly and he said it would be rude to tell her to stop as they are good friends.

I just feel like a young single female shouldn’t be messaging and calling a married man who has just had a baby all the time. Am I being unreasonable to ask him to tell her to back off a little.

I would not want him back. It's too easy to let him slide back in because it's easier for him, but the truth is he has badly betrayed both you and his child.

The relationship would be absolutely dead as far as I was concerned and I would be seeing a solicitor about formally filing for divorce. He was given the opportunity to save his marriage and instead chose 'a friend' who he has clearly been seeing, and probably sleeping with behind your back.

You would never, ever trust him again. You don't need him back to 'help' with the child and sorry - but my friends don't shit all over me and treat me like that. I'd be polite, as if to a stranger. He's wrecked the marriage with his behaviour. There's no coming back from that.

Be strong and stand your ground.

So I’m not sure why he’s suddenly saying he hasn’t been happy for a while.

@N12251234, he’s changing the narrative to justify his abhorrent behavior. As I said previously, he is ‘that guy’ who has pursued another woman and abandoned his Wife and new baby. Cheaters rewrite history to rationalize and save face.

You can’t believe a word he says about his future with OW. They may have an agenda to be fully together soon, but it’s more convenient right now for him to move back home. I would not allow this, @N12251234. He has shat on you from a great height, and has zero empathy or remorse, so having him back under your roof as ‘friends’ would be soul crushing.

He has checked out, so I would move forward with legal action.

You are right! I feel like he’s trying to turn things around by saying he’s lost the spark between us so he doesn’t look as bad when we explain to friends and family why we are divorcing!

I asked him if this was true, and he’s possibly been unhappy for potentially 2 years, why he’s never spoken to me about it. But more importantly why he was so adamant that we tried for a baby if he didn’t think he wanted to be with me anymore. He couldn’t even give me an answer. He claims our child was made out of love and he is now claiming that he thought having a child would fix his feelings. I don’t believe a word he’s saying. None of it adds up.

Ive held firm and told him he absolutely can not move back in. I don’t trust him, I’ve lost all respect for him, and I know for a fact he’d still be messaging and speaking to this friend still. And I can’t promise that I wouldn’t lose it and do something id regret if she called and he answered whilst I was there.

Well done for standing firm OP.

You've absolutely done the right thing, OP. He wanted the situation, he's got it - and he's got to live with it. He's trying to make up a script as he goes along, there's desperate damage limitation going on here from a man who couldn't even be bothered to come to see his own child! His excuses are pathetic and make no sense.

Onwards and upwards - Happier times will come and you deserve to be treated SO much better.💐🌻

So sorry this has happened to you, especially with a small baby. Each new revelation seems to be more hurtful than the last. Good for you for staying strong, I don't think an innocent man would blow up his whole family over a new 'friend'.

Good for you, for sticking to what's right.

What a silly silly man he is, I hope it all blows up in his face and he is left with nothing.

Update.

for anyone that is curious. I’ve started the divorce process. He came over to chat about some practicalities today and to no surprise. He confessed that him and this friend did/ do have feelings for each other. He admitted that they had an emotional affair behind my back. He claims there not actually in a relationship at the moment as it’s “too soon”. But says they are still messaging each other all the time still and acting like a couple in the messages (huh?). This to me says that they are actually a couple but are keeping it secret until they deem a necessary amount of time has past so people won’t think they had an affair. He’s not told anyone else about them. He didn’t seem remorseful in the slightest and he only apologised to me when I asked him to. He fed me the age old line of I didn’t mean for it to happen it just did. I hate that phrase so much because he is in control of his life and his choices. He chose to go down the path he did. I really hope karma works its magic.

Oh OP bloody hell I'm so sorry. He's let you down so badly at one of the most vulnerable times in your life.

The worst part (in a way) of all this is that he tried to turn you into the baddie and "He even went as far as to say my “hormones” post birth are making me blow this out of proportion."

Then ghosted you and his baby while he focused on his situation.

What a fucking bastard. He really is.

You sound lovely and switched on. You made a decision and stuck to your guns and you were right.

Did he even have the guts to admit he lied to your face about their dynamic and apologise for having done so?

Blaming your pregnancy hormones for your suspicions, when he knew they were correct, smacks hugely of misogyny too.

I'm so angry on your behalf but also really impressed with how you've handled this

I'm sorry OP, what a bastard 😡 your instincts were right all along and the cowardly tosser tried to make you feel like you were in the wrong/being paranoid etc. Shame on him. Karma will hopefully get him! Get your divorce sorted and move on with your life, you are worth so much more than this treacherous little weasel! 💐

I'm so sorry, OP. He sounds like an utter pig. Wishing the very best for you and your baby and the worst for him and the other woman.

So, he prefers someone "a bit simple". Lucky escape, I think! Onwards and upwards for you from here.

Sending hugs OP, what an arse!

God, it's like he read the script and followed it to the letter. What a weak pathetic specimen he is. You poor thing, you must be feeling wretched.

I bet his mother is super proud of him!!!! Bastard.

She sounds awful, he sounds worse. She might grow up and see him for the spineless chump he is and I think time might be it's own revenge.

Sorry, OP, you haven't deserved any of this.

Divorce him, get as much as you can. Then in time meet somebody better.

How bloody awful OP, I’m so sorry 😞

What a pathetic and ridiculous man. I'm sorry

I'm so sorry. What a weak spineless twat.

She's a paramedic, therefore she's not 'a bit simple,' and he's lying about that and so much else.

So many men lose it when it's no longer all about them. The baby shoved him out of his place as centre of the universe, your priorities of course changed and he didn't like it. Selfish, immature mummy's boy, it seems.

If anyone is in this situation, make sure you get legal advice. You and your baby have rights.

This is essentially what happened to me two years ago, we were early 30s, she was ?21 and they worked together. Also claimed they were just friends and she needed his support as she was new.. caught him out just as we'd booked our wedding.. we'd been together 9 years. He also told people he didn't cheat. They got together after we broke up.. men think people are stupid.. sending love and support. You'll get through this and wonder what you ever saw in him

Christ OP what a nasty man. They're welcome to each other, she's as bad as she knew he had a wife and a very young baby. Awful behaviour. She's only 23, give it a few months and she'll dump him .... don't have him back, be strong!

Thank you all for the amazing support and lovely messages! You’ve massively gotten me through these past few months of hell! And to anyone out there, always trust your gut and your instincts! If something feels wrong and off, it probably is.

I agree that the worst part of it all was the constant lying to my face and him trying to make me seem like a crazy paranoid person. And no he hasn’t apologised for that. All he’s done is tried to make excuses and not take accountability.

he even tried to make me feel sorry for him. Claiming that he’s been having an awful time and he’s mentally unwell with it all. And then said that this other women might even break up with him now that it’s all come out in the open because she “won’t be able to handle it”. I really don’t even know who this man is. Certainly not the one I married. But I’m glad it’s all out in the open now and that I finally know the truth. I can now start to move on and focus on the best thing in my life. My gorgeous baby!

I’m so sorry this happened to you too! It’s awful and neither of us deserved what these awful men did to us! Yeah I think they are both under the delusion that no one will figure it out if they wait enough time. But us humans are not stupid and everyone will know what they did.

Thank you, I hope you’re in a better place now!