Female colleague calling and texting partner all the time

[N12251234]

So I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, married for 3. We have a 3 month old baby together.

Just before we conceived our child my husband got a new female colleague. He works 12 hour shifts with her 2 out of the 4 shifts he does in a week. She is 23 and single. We are both in our early 30’s. To begin with he didn’t really like this girl, called her annoying and some other not so nice things. Then as they began to work together more they became good friends. I just want to make it clear that I don’t think he is cheating with her or anything like that.

My issue is, I think she is being a bit disrespectful and so is he. They text each other all the time, send Snapchat pictures to each other, and she calls him at least once every day. Sometime several times a day. He often has her on speaker so I know the chat is innocent. She will literally call just to tell him what she’s eaten for lunch that day. She did this all throughout my pregnancy and when I had just given birth. My partner doesn’t see the issue and just sees her as being friendly and he said it would be rude to tell her to stop as they are good friends.

I just feel like a young single female shouldn’t be messaging and calling a married man who has just had a baby all the time. Am I being unreasonable to ask him to tell her to back off a little.

N12251234 · Today 14:14

she offered him a place to stay as a “friend”.

Well, how kind of her to do that - and because he doesn't get on with his Dad, too🙄! The pair of them have really shown you exactly what they're like, haven't they? You'll be well rid of him, OP, especially as he's again shown what a waste of space he is by not exactly putting himself out to see his own child, either. I wonder if he's told her yet that he thinks she's 'a bit simple'? That's a real turn-on isn't it? Pathetic pair.

You are right - you deserve to be respected. Look after yourself - you can get through this and find much better times ahead. 🌻

You’re brilliant @N12251234

Well done. You’ll look back on this and know you did the 100% right thing

Absolutely this @N12251234

As painful as this might be right now you’re doing the right thing for you and your child. Everything that your child ex-H has shown you about his behaviour indicates where his priorities lie and I sincerely hope he lives to regret his actions. I’m thinking of you 💐and admiring your strength!

OP you should be so proud of yourself for being this strong, it’s never easy to go through this but especially with a young baby too.
I went through something similar with my ex husband 12 years ago. Similar situation with a work colleague who was younger and single and she appeared to be the one contacting him. I was told it was just friendship and that I wasn’t giving him enough attention etc. Ultimately I discovered their affair and stupidly took him back but the trust and respect had gone and he is now my ex husband. I wish I’d have had the strength to not take him back and to believe that my life could be amazing without him. i’m now married to a wonderful man, my two kids have a good relationship with their father and life is good.
Sending you lots of love and strength. Please look on the entitled to website to check if you can claim UC and help with childcare once you return to work.

I do know from his parents that he’s also been to stay over at her house a couple of times too since he’s been gone

WTAF? He clearly thinks you're "simple minded" too if he thinks you'd believe that is innocent. If he wanted to sort things out with you there is no way on this Earth he would have done that

Even if she sees it as a friendship I guarantee he wants more

Wow, I'm sorry to hear about your update, he clearly was having an affair with her and has abandoned his family.

Good for you sticking to your guns and starting a divorce. It will be hard with a little one, but you deserve respect and someone who always puts you first no matter what.

Keep doing the amazing job your doing.

She does still live with her mum and brother

FWIW I have a daughter that age and if she was still living in my home and brought home to stay “as a friend” (yeah right!) a married man round who had abandoned his wife and newborn child for her I’d be having words with her about the implications of exactly what he has done…and they’d both be shown the Travelodge website!!!

I do know from his parents that he’s also been to stay over at her house a couple of times too since he’s been gone. He claims it’s because he needed a break from his dad (they don’t get along great) and she offered him a place to stay as a “friend”.

WTAF! Shes the reason he isn't bloody well at home. So he goes and stays there a couple of nights!
Stick to your guns OP, he is absolutely taking the piss and staying at hers has just nailed his own coffin shut. How does he expect you to trust him now?

Its more than friendship if shes invited him to stay at hers where she lives with her parents! I can only imagine the story she has been spun from him - but I expect it to be full of woe is me, my wife is crazy, let me cry on your pretty little 23 year old shoulder, you understand me...........

So sorry op, you sound amazing and so strong and sorry he turned out to be a dickhead.

Hmm, yeah it's well known that difficult fathers are particularly challenging OVERNIGHT, so totally legitimate to stay the night elsewhere to escape them.

So sorry he's showing so little concern for your relationship, OP.

My god. He is shameless. He’s having an affair in plain sight.

Good grief he has no shame does he.

Have his mother or father offered to help you at all? Now you’re doing it all alone due to their son’s behaviour!

Well he has really shown you what type of person he is and where his priorities lie.
A horrible situation for you OP but your instincts were right and no matter how difficult it is for you at the present you are taking the right course of action.
All best wishes to you and your wee baby.

So his answer to his marriage hanging by a thread is to go stay with his OW…

@N12251234, he has made his choice and is fiercely holding on to his obsession. He is ‘that guy’ who ditches his Wife and newborn. He wouldn’t be trashing his family for a platonic friendship.

You are one strong woman and I admire your definitive boundaries. At this point I would be serving him with divorce papers.

OP - you are an amazing woman , when my ex h did the same to me 14 years ago and like you I had a young baby .. I’m embarrassed to admit that I pleaded and begged at the time until I came to my senses .. he did the same .. left the family home to stay with a friend .. the friend turned out to be OW

Im remarried now to. a wonderful man ..

Id be seeing a solicitor and serving him divorce papers .. It will be interest to see if the gloss wears off his new “thing” when he’s got a mum and brother in the same house

If he is willing to leave you and the bebe over this and its innocent, he's not your person.

Relationships are about compromise. He isn't interested in compromises, he is a toddler who wants to get his own way snd is prepared to cut his nose off to spite his face.

Your bebe is better off without the influence of this prize bellend

And, the mothers always side with their sons in these situations. That's how he ended up this way.

He's barely come to see his own child and yet he's gone to stay with his 'friend'. Tells you everything doesn't it. So sorry for you and your baby

Reiterating what others have said .. this man has barely shown interest in his baby since he left yet can find time to visit the friend….. quite frankly the man disgusts me .
OP your life will be so much nicer without this pathetic man child in it

How are you doing, @N12251234?

Up and down tbh! He’s been back a couple of times again to see little one and I’ve told him I want to separate. He doesn’t seem bothered at all and has agreed. Suddenly he’s saying that he doesn’t feel a spark between us anymore anyway and has been feeling this way for a while! (He said possibly even years!) He’s adamant it’s nothing to do with his friend and he’s never going to date her now or in the future. Up until I called him out and asked him to cool it with this friend we were perfectly happy. We’ve got loads of plans coming up this year as a family, holidays and concerts. So I’m not sure why he’s suddenly saying he hasn’t been happy for a while. I’m just so confused and hurt. When baby was a month old we even jokingly were planning baby #2. He wants us to remain friends and even wants to move back in with us until we can sort housing so he can help with our child. I just don’t know what to do or think.

Of course he wants to move back in!

He is rewriting history OP.
He is playing mind games with you..
You know how he behaved when you asked him to put your relationship before that of him and his female interest.
You know he prioritised her over you and your baby.
You know he was willing to leave your home and you and your child rather than work on your relationship together.
You know he hardly bothered even asking after your baby, let alone visiting him but had time to go and stay with the OW.
If he is suggesting moving back into your home you can be sure it is for his own ends. For his benefit.
It's really difficult for you but I don't see how you can ever respect or trust him again.
Stay strong.

Girlfriend's probably got an idea of his devious behaviour and what he's up to and wants him out - or if he's still staying at her family home then her parents want him gone (perhaps he's not had the 'welcome' mat thrown out for him?).

He's definitely game-playing here, testing the water and seeing how far he can get, OP, in case it's in his best interests to move back in - in which case it'll only be a matter of time before he goes off with someone else (who may also be someone he charmingly describes as 'a bit simple' - who knows?). Definitely trying to leave his options open and a BIG mistake to allow him to do so - this is a man who couldn't put himself out to come and see his own child.

Nice. What a catch he is. I think he deserves two words said to him - the second one being 'off'.

Sounds like he's missing his home comforts and wants to move back in because it suits him. Sod that, let him go stay with his girlfriend!

He'll soon see the grass isn't greener.

Of course he wants to come back to live. He doesn’t want to pay cm. File for cm now!

He wants to return home, because of all his comfy home comforts.

Stand firm, he has dumped his family for a few shags with this woman and now wants to come crawling back