No phone for secondary school

[StillCreatingAName]

AIBU? I feel like I might be missing something obvious on this one, but honestly why do children need to take a smartphone to school? It’s baffling me as to why there appears to be parents on auto pilot buying their children smartphones (£££) now in year 6, ready for year 7 as though it’s part of a uniform policy (and then sharing their purchase on the class WhatsApp, give me strength).

Is this all just a fallout from lockdown times, people were sort of forced into screen life, so now there’s more children at secondary school with them, who may not have ordinarily had a phone until older?
I’m expecting dc to walk home with friends talking and socialising without the inclusion of a screen or mindlessly scrolling social media instead of listening to friends. I can see where a basic phone might be needed to contact home, but that doesn’t mean the phone should be out of school bag anytime during school hours should it, but maybe I’m just being naive, time will tell 🤷‍♀️?

AIBU to say children don’t need to get a £££ phone for starting secondary school? (It goes without saying they don’t need it at all for primary school, IMHO)?

My DD is 27, and I got her a smartphone at age 14 for school. She was the last in her peer group.
She didn't use to access anything she shouldn't, and it was an additional phone on my account, so I could monitor what was accessed.
Honestly? They don't want to be different.

Why do you need a phone or to be on WhatsApp? You’ll get the usual lot on here who only got their child a bog standard Nokia and spend 99p a month on it but in reality, with 3 children I’ve yet to meet a child who doesn’t have a smart phone.

Put parental security on it. Have the least expensive smartphone you can find. It’s disingenuous to act so confused about it though.

I was the child who was always the odd one out and didn't have the latest ...anything, and whose mother pretended she was an absolute Luddite when it suited her. If you do this you are making your child's life miserable.

My children have had a smartphone for year 7 because they travel to school across multiple methods (bus/train) and need to be able to access apps to assist them. Bus tickets are also cheaper via the app. I can track their location and order a taxi for them if public transport fails. It’s a helpful and reassuring tool for them (and me) as they gain greater independence.

Smartphones are not the devil, unregulated access to them is the real problem. My children have always had iPhones and their account is linked to mine. I can choose exactly which apps they can access and for how long. I can limit their contacts to a chosen list. I have total control over exactly what they can and cannot do on their phones and it’s worked well.

I don't even think the majority of this thread are supporting that and a thread like this will always attract people who do.

1. monitoring and teaching safe phone use is much easier with an 11 year old who still listens to their parents v a 14 year old who thinks they know it all.
2. my dc communicate with each other and with me really well, and speak with their grandparents even though we don’t live near them.

Mobile phones used with boundaries are good. we have no phones upstairs until year 10 (unless specific permission for private call or listening to music - each time must get permission) and all phones are on charge overnight on the docking station. Dd is 16 and still does that by choice at bed time. Finally, if a parent asks you to put your phone down it’s done with no argument.

Interesting points @TeenLifeMum particularly safe phone use when younger- these are all family home arrangements, do your dc take them to school?

This, the first thing most do is look at their phones and have no awareness of what's going on around them.

They take them to school so they can message to arrange friends to come over rather than just turning up with them. They also quite often, especially near the end of term, okay blooket with their teachers so all use phones.

one dc in dd1’s class started secondary without a phone and by Christmas had one because it was limiting when the others are all making new friends and messaging each other.

we gave dd1 a phone just before starting secondary and that was a mistake because she then was overly focused on it. We learned and gave dtds phones the Christmas in year 6 so they had months to learn and by the September they were less obsessed and it was much smoother.

we also learned with dd1 to ban group chats - ones with the whole class. Small groups planning an activity or close friends is fine but not people they don’t even like from school.

You realise What’s App IS social media?

Mine needs it for her timetable, to view homework, school e mails etc. Her timetable can change so it can't be printed and is on an app.

It might be classed as that but not for what he uses it for - he is only in groups with people he knows - doesn’t use status etc. his friends use it in a similar way to us - to arrange meet ups.

he knows to block people who message him that he doesn’t know.
he also knows I monitor his phone. We chat about what might get shared and what to do if he sees something he doesn’t like or upsets him.
it’s totally different from say snap chat or tick tok where there are algorithms at play. It’s a way of messaging multiple people at once and sharing (imo) unfunny gifs.

In 5 years time (or less if he leaves home at 17) he is going to be out in the big bad world all on his own and I have to help him transition to be able to be a responsible man and use the internet well. When he is 13 and still listens to me we can instill this values in him rather than shouting through a door at an 15 year old.

Allowing him WhatsApp it the first step towards that.

No. Smartphones and technology are here to stay and children need to learn to use them safely. They are not going anywhere. What would be the point in not educating children about it. That would be a pointless and backward move.

OP, your kid will need a smartphone for an increasing number of things and they don't have to cost a fortune. Homework apps, school email addresses (yes, some secondary schools do issue these to students), timetables and bus passes.

Contact with their friends is also often via WhatsApp or other messaging apps. Your child will be very much in a minority if you try to refuse this.

It definitely doesn't have to cost a fortune. My DD had a fairly basic smartphone when she was in year 7 (a few years ago now) that cost £8 per month. I had all of the limits on it that I could (couldn't go more than £1 over her limits or it would cut off) and quite a few parental controls.

Schools have their own WiFi and expect students to be able to use it. They will have some laptops of course, but like everything else, not enough to go round. Your child will have some advantage if they do have their own phone, and can look things up for themselves when asked to.

Most schools do ban general phone use during the day and they should then be kept off/in bags during lessons. However, as you can see, they are needed at times too.

Mine was given a phone at the end of year 6, uses it reasonably well and it’s regularly checked. some of the WhatsApp messages are a bit dubious but my child doesn’t really use the main tutor chat it’s normally the little chats with friends, arranging their social life 😂

Timetable, homework are all done via an app.

No facebook/snapchat or any of that rubbish!

Parental controls are set and the phone goes off at 8pm and can’t be access again until 7.30am. I have also set app limits so after the allocated hours it’s not accessible.

Main reason we gave a phone was the unreliable bus journey, I’ve had several phone calls the bus hasn’t turned up, bus was late, bus broken down 🤷‍♀️ I also like the location settings as I can track them.

Dc2 has one as well but it’s mainly used to playing game on car journeys…and texting me what’s for lunch over the half terms/holidays 😂 or checking in with me for example I go on a dog walk and they haven’t listened to me telling them where I am going 🤣🤣

I'm in my mid-30s and I had a phone at 10? My son has an iPhone, I track him when he's using the bus. He has apple pay on there with an old bank account of mine so if he's ever stuck, he can pay for something without taking a bank card/cash. His bus ticket is on there, his timetable and homework apps etc. He's also able to let me know if there's traffic and he's going to be late or that hes staying for after-school club. It's a way of life now.

Maybe a 11-12 year old needs a phone in order to live in 2024 when the vast amount of information is available digitally.

We use map apps, not paper maps. That will help them to navigate the local streets.

They will access news websites to see the results of sports matches or what time the game is on TV, are you expecting them to buy a newspaper?

They will text their friends, instead of writing letters. Access money management apps instead of saving pound coins in a piggy bank.

We live now, kids need to learn how to use the technology of now. Demonising phones or those who use them makes you sound deeply out of touch, OP. And pretty damn judgemental.

Another reason to use a phone is to be exposed to a wider world of opinions. Maybe think of all the good reasons for a young teen to have a an incredibly useful and versatile device owned by almost every adult instead of frothing about it.

Follow smartphone free childhood on Instagram.

All the studies show an overwhelming negative effect of children having smartphones.
Things NEED to change. We have made a big mistake letting kids having phones become the norm.

DD starts yr 7 in September and she is almost the only one in her year that doesn't have a phone yet. I don't want her to have a smartphone for much longer but also I am aware she will be very much in the minority at secondary and I don't want her to be excluded/teased due to that. Just don't know what to do. Stuck between a rock and a hard place comes to mind.

We've done this in advance of secondary and a longer trip. To get her used to it. No doubt it won't be perfect, but it is what it is.

I think the tide is changing and the genie is going to be put back in the bottle. All the schools around us are smartphone free at the gate and there is a large and vocal community to make smartphone free childhood the norm here.

schools using apps for homework is pretty lazy but moderately ok as that can be tablet that lives in the communal home spaces. Schools using Teams or other apps are surely just being lazy… they’re designed for globally diverse groups who can’t communicate in real life.

anyone getting their child a smartphone cos they need to take a bus or train is just enabling their child to incorporate mindless scrolling into their routine. A basic phone for calling would do the job for emergencies.

when my now 9 year old was 4 I made a flippant reply to ‘when can I have a phone mummy’ of 14. I’m now really hoping I can push it back to 16

My friends son on his first time coming home on the bus from secondary school, forgot to get off at his stop. Luckily his Mum was tracking him on his smart phone and able to jump in the car, follow the bus and get to him when he eventually got off, in a right state. Smart phones aren't the devil, social media is. That is what should be banned. Allowing kids to use Instagram, tiktok and snapchat.

We got our kids phones at age 10 because it made it much easier to coordinate things. They’ve had access to the Internet since way before that and we’ve been instilling good practices since the beginning, including talking explicitly about social media, ways to use it sensibly, what to avoid and what to do if something is upsetting or doesn’t seem right. They don’t use that much algorithm based social media but we’ve also talked about the way media tries to target an audience and how detrimental it can be to live in that sort of a bubble. (Don’t limit this to just social media, though. We talk a lot about how even mainstream news organizations try to do this and the way things like only being friends with people who share your views can lead to a skewed view of the world).

Outside of school the phones have been particularly good when we’re off out for the day, making meeting up way easier than it used to be when I was kid and still carried 10p around to use a phone box when necessary. That was why we got them and it’s don’e the job well. But the added use they get out of them more generally has been of far more benefit.

At school and out they use their phones in much the same way I do in my life - to access their schedule on the go, communicate with others (friends, teachers and me mainly, but also people they’ve never met who share interests), make notes and reminders so they don’t forget things (especially useful for one DC who is particularly scatty), practice languages, maths and other academic subjects, look things up, manage their money and listen to music.

In the 5 years they’ve had these phones we’ve had no negative issues associated with their use that we have noticed (and we do check, though much less now they’re 15) or that have been serious enough for the school or any one else to contact us about.

Why wouldn’t I want them to have those sorts of tools?

Demonising phones or those who use them makes you sound deeply out of touch, OP. And pretty damn judgemental.

I haven’t demonised anyone? I genuinely don’t know why children need phones for secondary in the way it’s being presented- certainly within my community of parents- as though as they HAVE to have them. Some really interesting replies, mostly what people do in their family homes, which is none of my business and everyone should do what works best for their family.

Btw, I’m replying to your message on a smartphone that contains all my apps, I hope that makes me sound less out of touch? 🤣

There is currently a consultation in schools, following government recommendations on smartphones and Esther Ghey’s campaign. Many secondaries are completely banning smartphones and watches due to the problems caused by them and the increasing number of students who are addicted to them. Like other posters, I think that there are lots of really positive uses of phones but unfortunately, many young people ( and adults!) can’t moderate their usage. Speaking as a teacher, there are always workarounds for timetables, setting HW and school-based things, not least because not every child has a phone for various reasons. I think you will see changes in schools in the near future.

I do think they need to be equipped with this knowledge now though, like we had to be taught to use computers. Like them or loathe them, phones are part of life now. So better to teach kids how to use them rather than trying to pretend they don't exist. They're pervasive.

Of course they don't HAVE to have them. There is no law saying that they must have smartphones for secondary school.

However, surely some people's replies have given you some insight into why the majority DO have them.

You can hold out as long as you like. Come back at the end of this year and let us know how long you lasted before pressure from both the school (despite their bans) and your child become too much.

It's not just the apps that schools use for homework. I found that when they were all going on school trips the teachers in charge collected a list of the students' phone numbers as an additional safety measure if someone did get lost or go astray (rare, but can happen). So the bans are not total.

Yes and I’d bet all those tech bros don’t let their kids have smartphones…

YANBU @StillCreatingAName
There’s a whole new grassroots movement called Smartphone Free Childhood out there. I’m starting to get on board with what they’re saying. The smartphone is a social experiment on this generation of kids 🥺