No phone for secondary school

[StillCreatingAName]

AIBU? I feel like I might be missing something obvious on this one, but honestly why do children need to take a smartphone to school? It’s baffling me as to why there appears to be parents on auto pilot buying their children smartphones (£££) now in year 6, ready for year 7 as though it’s part of a uniform policy (and then sharing their purchase on the class WhatsApp, give me strength).

Is this all just a fallout from lockdown times, people were sort of forced into screen life, so now there’s more children at secondary school with them, who may not have ordinarily had a phone until older?
I’m expecting dc to walk home with friends talking and socialising without the inclusion of a screen or mindlessly scrolling social media instead of listening to friends. I can see where a basic phone might be needed to contact home, but that doesn’t mean the phone should be out of school bag anytime during school hours should it, but maybe I’m just being naive, time will tell 🤷‍♀️?

AIBU to say children don’t need to get a £££ phone for starting secondary school? (It goes without saying they don’t need it at all for primary school, IMHO)?

Many schools will not allow phones to be whipped out in the corridor. Ours still issues paper planners to the kids. Yes, homework is issued online but my kid does it at home on a laptop. I’ve no idea how you get round the bus pass issue :)

But the whole point is that we need to wake up and accept that for young teens, the harms massively outweigh the benefits. Schools, parents, bus companies need to recalibrate their expectation that under 14s have smartphones.

By the sounds of it it would be a smart (pardon the pun) move to send them with a phone if the schools expect them to be able to do schoolwork using their phone.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Do you HAVE to? No. Might it make your and their life easier? Yes.

Priorities...

Brave New World describes a dystopia. Which is a pretty accurate description of a world where we give kids smart phones. Before that it was used by Shakespeare ironically, referring to evil. Again, pretty appropriate imo.

I also think this real palpable fear over the supposed harm smartphones can do needs to be managed a bit better. If you teach your child how to use the phone properly, locked it down to within an inch of its life and link it up to your own phone, and ban them having social media then their phone is largely a communication tool and I formation storing device. A full on set panic that the children will implode if they have iPhones is not especially healthy, and I always assume that people who think children will inevitably be harmed can’t be doing a great job of raising them if they have such little faith.

Technology is the future, we have to embrace it.

No, brave new world is just 3 words clubbed together.

And I don’t think you know what dystopian means? Smart phones have been around for nearly 2 decades now. This terrified paranoia about them being ‘evil’ really isn’t very healthy

It reminds me of my Nan in the 80’s who wouldn’t come into our kitchen when we got a microwave she was convinced it was a work of evil and that in a few years time people would have forgotten how to cook and hobs would be obsolete

'if'. That's wishful thinking unfortunately. Kids will come across phones, like it or not. They need the skills to deal with them.

Dd's both started with an old handset of ours on a £6 or so a month rolling contract.

Dd1 uses her phone for her timetable, homework, bus ticket and reserving books at the library. Among other things. They have used them in classes to access quizzes and other resources.

Only social media is WhatsApp, and that won't change for a while.

Nah I ain’t trading in my DD’s smart phone for a text-only one. The tracking apps, homework apps, messaging apps and security on it are far more vital than just being able to send a message

School has WiFi, my kids phones weren't expensive as they're hand-me-down iPhones and their bill is only £5 a month.

It's a pretty essential item for teenagers now to be able to socialise and keep in touch with friends, download bus tickets, pay for things with iPay, etc.

We also made the mistake of thinking a phone wouldn’t be necessary. The high school very quickly corrected us. The phones are used (as others have said) for homework, for timetables, to take pictures in class (as directed) and a whole host of other things.

Yes, you could probably find other ways to do things, but it will be adding a lot of extra effort into each day.

Whg not just actively parent and teach them how to use their phones responsibly? It seems that you want to take the easy (for you) option by denying then the phone, but in doing so make things much harder for the child.

How many adults do you know who are capable of using their phones responsibly? Adults with the full complement of impulse control etc. Personally, I spend an hour a day scrolling when I could be outside, playing an instrument, reading a book, cooking and so on. I don’t want that for my 12 year old.

Whg not just actively parent and teach them how to use their phones responsibly? It seems that you want to take the easy (for you) option by denying then the phone, but in doing so make things much harder for the child.

Eh? I don’t think there is an easy option- do tell if there is? I’m also not necessarily denying my dc a phone or destroying their social life by not getting a smartphone. Tbh, any real friend shouldn’t exclude a friend from an invite just because it wasn’t on WhatsApp…I find this point on the thread very concerning and would come down hard on my dc if I thought they were leaving out friends due to their phone status. Just as I would if I thought they were judging another dc by their trainer brand, size of house, etc.

Whg not just actively parent and teach them how to use their phones responsibly? It seems that you want to take the easy (for you) option by denying then the phone, but in doing so make things much harder for the child.

I mean the exact same words could be said, and probably were, for driving and sex. Which now have age limits on them.

what?!

Well don’t teach them that then!

Youre an adult you can do what you like because you have a much higher pe reception of responsibility and safety than a child does. Therefore you scrolling for an hour on social media is very different to an 11yo doing itZ

But Kids are still learning responsibility, and it’s up to you to teach them, you are under no obligation to say “you must use yours exactly as I do”

This is where I think OP could well come a cropper. Many of us are speaking from experience here but she is not budging much.

Of course there are inherent problems, and both parents and teachers will have to deal with crap like kids wearing earbuds in lessons (confiscation I suppose), but pretending that this technology isn't necessary, isn't used and doesn't need to be there is just pointless.

It is making your child's life and your own more difficult. Putting obstacles in the way and cutting off your nose to spite your face.

But these are pre-teens and not always the most considerate, they also want an easy life and are navigating relationships. It will hardly be much consolation to your kids if they’ve missed out on social time with their friends if you say “well a real friend would find a way to contact you”.

I don’t know why you wouldn’t just take the east route TBH. Life is hard enough without making it harder on purpose

But smartphones done have an age limit. Social media however does

Lots get phones in Y6 as start walking home. At my DD's secondary they have lots of apps for homework and also sometimes use their phones in class. Apart from that they are kept turned off in their bags.

@StillCreatingAName friends will be messaging in groups that's how they communicate and update plans, back n forth settling plans.. Why are you expecting another teen to manage another's social life? If they don't have a phone what are you expecting that teen to do?

Honestly how do you manage your social life? Mine is fully arranged online these days, it allows us to check our calendars and book ourselves in to socialise.

My sons secondary school uses a homework app and timetable on there too. They also use them in lessons and teachers ask them to visit websites or they play an online game together as a class. Like Maths games

You do realise it's not on purpose right? Mostly it's just ease and thoughtlessness.

They will automatically talk more to kids that use the same apps as them,or if they can share pics and memes. They will interact more on a group chat than in 121 conversations. Again, in groupchats if someone says who can go to the park, it's rare kids that can will then message someone else on a completely different app to invite them. Same for making a group chat to discuss plans for a party or sleepover or whatever. Or organising an impromptu online gaming session.

It's a pain for me as a parent ( just did a y7 bday party) , but as an adult I have a different sense of "duty" .

DD has a friend with a brick phone , no judgement from her or us , she's a lovely kid but she is struggling because the majority of their other friends can't be arsed to faff about with messages (she loses signal a lot) and emails to see pics then email back to send a pic and so on. She can also become a bit too much because she's desperate for conversation/socialising so she messages constantly with random long texts about everything and anything that DD doesn't even know how to respond to. She's struggling with her self esteem as I've read the messages.

I don't know if a smart phone would make things better to be honest, very possibly not, but she is struggling and that's not because the other kids are mean or bullies or judgmental. They're just kids.

@Tygers can you play an instrument?

🤣🤣🤣

If course you would!! I'd love to know how you get on if you try something like that.

This poster is cautioning that this seems to be the route you are potentially embarking on.