No phone for secondary school

[StillCreatingAName]

AIBU? I feel like I might be missing something obvious on this one, but honestly why do children need to take a smartphone to school? It’s baffling me as to why there appears to be parents on auto pilot buying their children smartphones (£££) now in year 6, ready for year 7 as though it’s part of a uniform policy (and then sharing their purchase on the class WhatsApp, give me strength).

Is this all just a fallout from lockdown times, people were sort of forced into screen life, so now there’s more children at secondary school with them, who may not have ordinarily had a phone until older?
I’m expecting dc to walk home with friends talking and socialising without the inclusion of a screen or mindlessly scrolling social media instead of listening to friends. I can see where a basic phone might be needed to contact home, but that doesn’t mean the phone should be out of school bag anytime during school hours should it, but maybe I’m just being naive, time will tell 🤷‍♀️?

AIBU to say children don’t need to get a £££ phone for starting secondary school? (It goes without saying they don’t need it at all for primary school, IMHO)?

Op only has young children, or an eldest yr 6, so is inexperienced. If you had older children you'd know. Most of us with uni+ children don't worry about this drivel. There are endless endless threads about this on mn. <<yawn>>

I agree either way the pp: @AIstolemylunch : "social pariahs and 'that weird kid whose mum doesn't let them have a phone'. "

Most of just want to fit in, be liked. That's a big part of secondary. Initially. For most, not all. We all find our crowd, eventually. So long as you've got one good friend, that's enough. Then we gain some confidence and rebel, eg no I'm gonna wear the clothes I want and let everyone know I'm into that hard core music scene. Then we go to uni, meet others who are also wierd, then we settle down to jobs and families. Or take an alternative path.

But phones, or denying your yr 6 one, do you seriously think it's going to protect your ds?

"I’ve just seen friend’s DCs have a hard time at secondary, lose interest in their interests and seem to be glued to phones. "

Nope. Most secondary children if they've got any sense are still out with their friends, playing football for a local team, doing gymnastics or whatever floats their boat, doing GCSE's and A'level's.

And? So what? Most people are glued to their phones. But:

Do you yourself cry over SM? Do you feel bullied? Does it make you depressed? It doesn't me. The fact is most of us use SM sensibly, but still go to work, meet up with friends for a curry and a glass of wine. As I'm about to! In a minute, Saturday lunch with my girlfriends. Oh let me just check my messenger for the latest meet up notes!

You need to get perspective.

Ds2 uses his phone for all sorts of stuff. Watching endless videos, playing endless x box tips, Football team chat on WhatsApp. He used his iPhone wallet to hold his Thorpe park ticket, then off to Nando's with mates, and use his i phone wallet with contains a Nando's reward card.

iPhone (or any other phone) makes all the above easy. Why would you deny your child that?

@Oblomov24 in your post you are massively missing the point and incredibly blinkered to the risks and dismissive of the core issue (not to mention patronising to the OP as mum to younger DC).

You say:
Do you yourself cry over SM? Do you feel bullied? Does it make you depressed? It doesn't me. The fact is most of us use SM sensibly, but still go to work, meet up with friends for a curry and a glass of wine. As I'm about to! In a minute, Saturday lunch with my girlfriends. Oh let me just check my messenger for the latest meet up notes! You need to get perspective.

Except the point you are missing here is..... you are an adult.
Children on the other hand are not emotionally or intellectually equipped to manage the array of risks which unfettered access to the web and social media. When they are impacted by something online the effects can be disastrous for them - why? Because they are still children and their pre-frontal cortex has yet to develop, meaning they are UNABLE to manage these scenarios.

In this article by the parents of a happy, healthy boy described by his parents as "street smart and not glued to his phone", they explain how his life ended as a result of exposure and unfettered access to the online world. Someone got to him and he saw no way out, unlike an adult would do. He was not vulnerable and no did he have poor mental health, but he was a child and therefore he responded as a child and was unable to cope.

And in addition to this poor boy, there are a growing number of vulnerable and unwell young people who are even less equipped, thanks to spending some of their formative years in a pandemic which your "uni+" children haven't had to deal with either.

But yeah let's shove a smartphone into their pockets from primary school, a 24 hour a day portal to access anything, everything and anyone the world, and letting anyone in the world access our children.

No-ones saying your son can't have his Nando's card, but children shouldn't have unfettered access to the web in their pockets. No doubt you'll think that's just "drivel".

I’m going to let my v smart DD read the research on this (which is compelling that it’s very unhealthy for under 16s to have a smartphone) and decide what she would do if she were me. I’d bet money she’d say she’ll wait til 16.

@tishtashtoo
You do me a disservice, I haven't massively missed the point at all. I don't think I am incredibly blinkered, nor dismissive. Or patronising. You have focused in on only one of my posts, but I have posted many times. I'm not stupid, and I am well aware of the difference between children and adults emotionally, and the development of the frontal fortex. Not once did I ever suggest that any child should have "unfettered" access to the internet.

There's a question of balance. My 2 have enjoyed SM. I didn't need to monitor or put any restrictions on my 2 ds's because they didn't need them. But I appreciate that most parents would put some, because for most that's sensible. I personally believe giving a phone in at least year 6, in preparation for secondary, and little bit of checking is best. But you've chosen to take everything I've said to the other extreme, making it silly, which is not what I suggested.

@tishtashtoo

Plus I also disagree. "some of their formative years in a pandemic". Which school year do you think was "not" been affected by Covid. Or rather which school year do you argue was the most damaged by it? Actually it's probably mostly down to the individual child, their personality and coping skills, don't you think?

I've read many many threads on which schools year posters think Covid did the most damage to. Yes, I didn't have a newborn, baby, or toddler, during the time of Covid. So? People can't be penalised for how old their dc were during any incident.

Plus I've read tishtash link to the scam and then suicide.
Suicide in young men is something that is also very worrying.
The MH of all teens is a concern. I know this, I don't know what the answer is but at least most schools try to discuss it as part of their PHSE. But that's a bigger issue than just a mobile phone.

DS’s homework, timetable., clubs, bus ticket and lunch payment thing are all phone based.

And then the school lectures us about the evils of Mobile phones.

Baffles me and I wonder how children whose parents cannot afford to give them a phone that can be used for all these apps cope.

i would much prefer him not to have one but he needs it for all of the above. I do like being able to track him but on balance I’d rather they didn’t have them

Yes that drives me nuts too catgirl. My school doesn't require the kids to have a phone as timetables and homework are in their planners and lunch payments is by fingerprint. Before threads like this I had no idea some schools required kids to have a smartphone. It's insane.

@MsGoodenough ironically the recording and use of a child's fingerprint would be a strict no from me. The idea that could be hacked and used in the future would put me off.

So timely that you’ve mentioned fingerprints- I had absolutely no idea, until very recently, that they’d be used for payments. I was really surprised that it was just a thing we had to sign yes for, no further questions. I must admit I felt a little uneasy about it, whereas the phone feels like we might be able to get away without it if we really didn’t want dc to have for year 7, the fingerprint is non negotiable and has been a ‘normal’ part of school life for many years now, it seems everyone is cool about fingerprints on file for the children, so I'm not about to question that one!

DH who is very tech savvy would not let the kids have their fingerprints used for school dinners as it is held on a database and then could be open to misuse in the future. However he is fine with the fingerprints on their phones as that is stored locally on the device.

This is interesting to know. Funny how nobody really questions the fingerprints, it’s made me think about checking how long they’re stored for? Presumably they’re removed from the system once they’ve left school?