Neither parent wants to live with their child fulltime what happens?

[WhatWillHappenToTheDC]

It’s a relatives child.

The DC is 10. Has lived with the RP, their mother alone since they were 2. Seeing NRP Father for 2 nights EOWend and half the school holidays.

NRP agreed to have DC over Easter Holidays fulltime so RP could have some work done on the house.

RP has now said they do not want DC home and want to trial a switch of residency for awhile or wants to do 50/50 arrangement. NRP also does not want DC fulltime and wants to go back to previous arrangement.

Social Services are involved now due to the arguments and DCs school reporting it, but what will happen if neither parent wants to live with their child full time? Is there some sort of foster care where parents can still see DC?

I can't put myself forward to have the child as I live too far from them. Parents live around 7 miles from each other.

@OneHeartySnail it's (well for me) the fact she's saying 'I don't want to if he doesnt' there's fuck all about significant stress or violence, just that she's doesnt want to be the RP anymore!

Well, no-one seems to be criticising the father for his attitude. But criticising the mother for not sucking it up.

Oh I really need to step away... 😳😳

I have no advice, just feel heartbroken for that poor child. I have DC around that age and couldn’t possibly love them anymore. Nothing would ever stop me or my DH wanting to be with them all the time.

I hope for the sake of the child this is just a particularly difficult time for one or both parents and things will change.

Poor poor poor kid. Horrifying!

Poor RP. She must be utterly desperate to do this. I’m not sure I could bring myself to inflict this on my child though I see she must be struggling.

NRP has to stand up and do more than 2/14 days FFS. 2/14 is really inadequate imho. Why can’t the NRP do 50/50 like other divorced people do?!

That is not what that poster you’re replying to was saying and you know it. Your example is not the same at all, and I doubt you ever threaten to put your child into foster care so that you can do life admin and clean and tidy. But if you DO, then yes, that would make you a shitty parent too.

At the cost of the poor child.
The child is a pawn ♟ in the “adults “ game.
Only the child suffers from this utter selfishness on “parents “ part.

The poor, poor child. Both parents should be absolutely ashamed of themselves. The child will be well aware and this will damage them forever. This disgusts me on so many levels. The mother is just as bad as the dad. As a relative I would be trying to talk some sense into the mother or only having contact with the child in future.

The child wants to go home with his mother, and she's refusing to take him. She dropped him off under the pretense of collecting him after the holidays and she's lied to him. Because she doesn't want him, she wants more "fun".

Nope.

Yes, and the courts won’t insist either on a dad having enforced contact.

It’s not fair on kid.

The buck stops with the mother, like it or not.

That’s life, unfortunately.

I'm with mum.
Fuck that Disney Dad shit.
If he wants so little of contact it can also be during work week.
Let him run morning school runs and pick ups, worry about lunch/pe kit/ uniform/crafts etc.

She obviously cannot get normal arrangement with dad so is going via court.
I seriously doubt she would put child in FC but needs court to step in and tell useless ex to step up.
Child will have more fun time during weekends with mum who obviously is far more invested in their life. Not to mention mum can have better career and provide not revolving it around school runs.
Good for her.

courts cant force anyone to see dc more often just doesnt work like that

he souns shit but nothing anyone can do

We are not attacking the mother but she cannot force a relationship between this man and his son even if he is a rubbish Disney dad , forcing him on his dad when he doesn’t want him just means only the child will/ is suffer here , poor wee soul. She is his mum and needs to think of him first and foremost.

This

Yet again another feckless deadbeat father prioritising himself and hurting others in the process.

Poor child, what on earth is wrong with every other weekend? At least the mother gets a full weekend to herself every other weekend.

A lot more than many mothers get!

A whole weekend to herself, rather than just a couple hours every few weeks when the dad feels like it.

A friend of mine had to do this. Father refused to pay any maintenance (company direct type scenario) she couldn’t afford to have the children and pay childcare. So dropped them off with dad and refused to have them back until he agreed to pay maintenance.

it worked, but I’m not sure the children ever quite forgave her. But, she didn’t have any option. She would have lost the house and they would have ended up at dad’s anyway.

Totally agree. Both parents are being absolutely shitty here. The fact that the child is being failed by a useless father does not in any way make it ok for his mother to put him through this to prove a point.

All these posters saying “it’s not fair that dads get a pass on being crap parents” - absolutely 100% agree. It isn’t fair.
BUT, would you be willing to make your child the collateral damage in order to prove this point?
Would you really?

When does someone say straight out, loud and upfront, you two people conceived a child, together, and the child is Your responsibility jointly? I get fun sex (1950s born, 1970s teen, had tons of casual encounters) but even then we had reliable contraception. There really is NO Excuse. Having a child is serious. It is, should be, a 20 year commitment, and when neither parent is up for the long haul then the pregnancy should have been ended. IMO.

AFAIK and see, it tends to be women who end up with coping with their (Much loved) children, trying to bring the DC up well with limited paternal support. And it is okay until the young male child hits puberty. At which point that lad needs a (good) dad model. If bio-dad is long gone/reluctant, then big problem. Where does that lad see his mum respected and treated well? How does that young man learn to treat the women in his life pleasantly? To court them, and support them. And ultimately to commit to making a life together?

I don't believe in God or gods or Mohammud or any other religious construction anyone can cobble tother: they are all superstition. How do you make people responsible for their choices: answers on postcards please.

That's absolutely horrific.

A wonderful woman I know was a Nanny and said the children of wealthy parents could really be deeply selfish when it came to the child/ren , and boarding schools and Nannies in the holidays were considered ''normal''

Even on Family holidays Nanny would come along.

One very important question:

Does the child know neither parent wants them?

Wow. That poor child to have both parents thinking like that. My heart goes out to the child who will bear the effects of this forever.

Is there some sort of foster care where parents can still see DC?

Surely you can’t be serious OP?

Oh apparently its all being a big secret, so when neither parent turns up to collect from school or responds to any call so they end up in Foster care that's how the kid will know.. I mean come on, expecting parents to parent and care?.. how unfair for them!