Neither parent wants to live with their child fulltime what happens?

[WhatWillHappenToTheDC]

It’s a relatives child.

The DC is 10. Has lived with the RP, their mother alone since they were 2. Seeing NRP Father for 2 nights EOWend and half the school holidays.

NRP agreed to have DC over Easter Holidays fulltime so RP could have some work done on the house.

RP has now said they do not want DC home and want to trial a switch of residency for awhile or wants to do 50/50 arrangement. NRP also does not want DC fulltime and wants to go back to previous arrangement.

Social Services are involved now due to the arguments and DCs school reporting it, but what will happen if neither parent wants to live with their child full time? Is there some sort of foster care where parents can still see DC?

I can't put myself forward to have the child as I live too far from them. Parents live around 7 miles from each other.

Poor child- some people should be sterilized.

@HaveSomeIntrospect Yes correct CM done via Child Maintenance Service

Neither of them deserve the poor kid. This has made me really angry I hope the child doesn't know that both his parents don't want him.

Does the mum have other issues going on that are making it hard to cope with being the main carer, such as mental or physical health issues? If so, I could sort of understand as in a nuclear family the other parent would usually step up.

What do the parents think will happen?

How did mother become RP in the first place?

Why doesn't father have him more in the original arrangement?

Is the child challenging? Do they need support with that?

Sounds like Mum has finally burnt out.

I hope a compromise can be reached.

Your relative needs to make whatever changes are needed to ensure that she’s not trying to send a child she purports to love to someone who doesn’t want them.

It might not be easy but there will undoubtedly things that can be done to ease the burden.

@CammyChameleon Mum has a physical condition and works full time, she feels like she puts DC into childcare more than she sees them, if it was 50/50 she could work on the nights DC is with their dad and then see DC more, so it'd be more fair.

I feel sorry for the child. I get it's hard.. I was completely alone when I had my son, his dad has never even met him let alone take him every other weekend.. had to do it all and so does the mum in this setup. It's not fair but neither is making a child feel unloved and unwanted.

What is it she wants to do in her child-free time? It's very difficult to see her as loving her child more than anything in the world. Is it a financial thing? Behavioural? Is it that she just wants more of a social life?

This is so sad, poor child 😥

The adults need to grow up and sort out their differences. I can't believe they have let it get this far

Do they both realise the effect 50/50 will have? That could focus the minds!

@Linedbook My relative doesn't care about money, she would make it work, actually it'd save her money anyway probably the equivilant of the fathers maintenance because she wouldn't need to use so much childcare.

No she doesnt, if she loved her child more than anything in the world she would not, even for one second, make them feel unloved or unwanted. I get it's hard with kids, it's full on and bloody tiring but you dont just throw away your kids like this. Horrible

Father might find 50/50 more attractive though?

That poor, poor child. Imagine having two shit parents who don't want to live with you.

If the care system wasn't so awful, I would say that the child would be better off without either of the parents but the outcomes for children in care are so bad that this isn't a decent option either.

I honestly can't see this situation having a positive resolution for the child. He will pick up on the fact that neither of his parents want him around. Poor kid.

If he's 10 there won't be childcare costs much longer?

This is unbelievably sad for that poor child.

I imagine there are plenty of resident parents doing it all of their own who would love more free time to themselves, really appreciate if the other parent stepped up & contributed on a more equal basis but their love for their child and their wish to provide the child a safe, secure, stable and loving home override everything else.

Mum may be burnt out and resent having do it all on her own but surely there are many other alternatives that could be considered - change of living arrangements, working hours, seeking additional help etc. Father is even worse.

There are millions of infertile people who would be amazing parents and then you have ones like this. It's just so unfair.

I can understand why RP wants NRP to have DC more but I don't think she's going the right way about it. Having said that I don't know how she could change the status quo without the NRP agreeing to step up. It seems wrong that one parent can refuse to do their share of the parenting. I don't know what the answer is but the child shouldn't suffer.

I don't think that's fair. Parents at breaking point are doing their best. Giving everything they have.

What a brilliant way to fuck your child up for life.

And then expecting ss to provide some sort of babysitting service

Jesus wept

Similar thing happened to DH when he was a child.

Mother dropped him off outside of his dad's as dad had refused to pay enough maintenance and refused to up his contact hours. Dad dropped DH back to his mum's. His mum locked the door whilst DH was stuck in the rain on the phone to his dad, to ask for maintenance money.

DH is surprisingly okay with what happened (or so he says). He appreciates that his mum wasn't being treated fairly by his dad and that his dad had a tough time adjusting following the divorce. However, whenever he mentions the story my heart just absolutely breaks for my lovely DH.

Really, your relative and her ex need to buck up their ideas and put their child ahead of petty games.

So mum is burnt out and trying to make the dad step up?
Having been in that state I really feel for her and on the face of it don’t want to judge.
If she’s having to go to these lengths it’s unlikely that he will do more though, but maybe she needs to find a way to get some more support to manage things better?

Sounds like mum is struggling - and yes, it’s not the right way to go about it, but this is not a case of two equally feckless parents, is it?

The dad needs a boot up his rear.

How awful! There's kids in care with parents who are more invested in having them back then these two seem to be about a child they have!