Allowed to message a married man?

[Starman81]

Looking for some honest opinions on this recently my son joined a football team which he is really enjoying im also new to the area so one of the other dads came over and chatted we talked at games briefly and at drop offs to the training but the other day he messaged out with the group chat just regarding an issue with my son since then we gadge exchanged messages between us gifs that kind of thing he mentioned he has a wife other kids etc We have some similar interests so chat about that aswell as the team we have chatted on the phone Is this ok or is it likely to be hurtful to his wife? I did say to him his reply was im not doing anything wrong but im just not sure I’ve never met his wife he seems to be the one who takes their son to matches etc I enjoy talking with him but certainly don’t want to cause problems

I think you already know the answer to your question

You can message anyone you like. It's normal to make connections through your kids, half the contacts in my phone are parents I've known over the years through DSs activities and friendships. Obviously if he gets suggestive then that's different, but assuming he's respectful you're fine.

I'm surprised you have to ask.

No that’s not ok. You know his wife doesn’t know he’s texting another woman outside the group chat and sending silly gifs and bonding over shared hobbies. Just stop it.

I honestly can’t understand quite a lot of your post but

a) Absolutely fine to message a married man as long as you don’t cross the line.
b) You probably, if you’re honest with yourself, know where the line is without having to be told but
c) If you wonder whether your chat has crossed the line the answer is probably yes. Certainly when you get to the point of talking about an “us” and questioning openly with each other whether you have crossed the line.

You can message anyone you like, providing you’re being respectful. It’s up to him to reply in line with what would be acceptable within his relationship. My DH has female friends who he exchanges that kind of message, I have other friends where this would be out of character and suspicious for their DH/DP. If you’re feeling unsure you might already have your answer about how this applies to him.

Nope, if I was the wife I’d not be happy about this and I’m fairly chill about DH having friendships with women. I would much rather you were coming round for a cuppa while the kids were kicking about in the garden or meeting up socially for shared interest and inviting me along or something like that than messaging and especially phone calls.

Text chatting, sending gifs etc can be a part of a friendship but if it's the main way you communicate then it definitely has potential to cross boundaries. I would ease right off.

I had this issue and I was the wife. My DH was oblivious of course! We had a group of friends whom we knew through school and we all used to go on day trips etc wit the children. One of the women had recently split with her second husband, and she'd latched on somewhat to my DH - she broke off the main WhatsApp and created one with DH. It was about ADHD because she thinks she has it (after my DH told her he was being assessed), DH told me all of the messages; she started asking other things on top of the ADHD and I tolerated it for a while, but she was asking for all sorts of help, pick ups of her child from school (I was in work those days she came over so wasn't home til later). I came home to find her sprawled out on my sofa drinking tea, she'd arrived at 4pm, this was 6pm, and no dinner was on as DH couldn't get rid. I told him that I no longer wanted him chatting to her on WhatsApp and he agreed because she was starting to cross a line
Don't be that person!

No. This is terrible, you must stop immediately. Everyone knows the only reason men and women communicate is for sex. This man is a sex hungry pervert and even by looking at him you are BU.

There’s nothing whatsoever wrong with making friends with a married man. My DP and I both have friends of the opposite sex to whom we send funny messages.

However - you surely know this, so the fact you are asking would indicate to me you have some romantic interest in this guy, or you think he does in you. If that’s even remotely the case, knock it off.

What’s your sex and sexual orientation?

I’m gonna say it’s pretty obvious she’s a straight woman.

This is what I was going to ask because I think the OP might be a man but I'm not 100% sure from the opening post?

If you're a straight female than I'd stop this

From context it's really obvious OP isn't a man!

How is it?

The OP says 'one of the other dads' which made me think they were implying they are also a dad.

And then there's the OP's name which doesn't mean anything really, but in addition it just made me wonder.

DP is heavily involved in DSs football, I'm not. I don't drive so I'm not part of the pick up/drop off rota and it's taken me months to get to know the other parents' names because I don't see them very often. DP messages football parents regularly, including mums.

I'm firmly of the belief that kids can have aspects of their life fully organised by one parent only, and that this can be a father.

If we don't want to be the default parent, we have to accept that it's OK to contact men without our permission, and that connections will be made. Or do we want to continue being the family brain who has to be consulted while men can only do the parenting tasks we direct them to?

Friendship with married member of the opposite sex is fine. He does not need a note from his wife to message you. Through my son’s early childhood DH was the main carer and had the number of loads of local mothers. I would have been a paranoid, nervous wreck if it had bothered me.

His marriage, his responsibility. Just as it’s yours to make sure you don’t get hurt.

Why would it be hurtful to a man's wife if he has WhatsApp chats with another man? (Assuming the man isn't bisexual, but OP if she was a gay/bi man isn't likely to have that information at this stage!)

Flip it around.. would you like it if your husband was talking to another female?

It's not how I would behave. I know what these interactions can lead to.

You're clearly asking for validation to begin an emotional affair with this man.

I'd stop it if I were you.

If you have to ask.

I don't know which is why (like the PP I quoted), I just wanted a bit of clarification.