To wish my kids didn't come over as much

[Elis123]

I have 2 kids, they are 24 and 26, both have good jobs, live in London seem generally very happy. However I'd say that at least every other weekend, if not more at least one of them come home. Then they eat all the food, take over my TV and somehow still bicker like kids. DD is single but DS has a GF who comes back with him too. I love my kids, but we don't have much to chat about, they always expect me to cook. It's not as bad if it's just one of them but if it's like this weekend it's just like having two teens home. I woke up planning for a quiet morning and they were up chatting loudly over F1 (I was planning to use the TV for a yoga video but that couldn't happen). Then DS begged for a cooked breakfast so I made that, thinking it might encourage them all home early but now DD has put gossip girl on (which frankly she's been watching since she was a teenager and we have all seen every episode of!!!), DS and DH have gone to play golf and I'm feeling like I have to just his GF as we still don't know him all that well.

One weekend a month, with an occasional longer visits and is going to them sometimes would be fine, but it feels like every bloody weekend and they just take over!!

Would I be unreasonable to say, I love you both very much but please can we plan visit better and have them less often?

But her kids are travelling, aren’t they? And I’m not talking about my kids - I meant if these were my kids. She’s clearly fed up of them and their behaviour. I don’t have that problem with my own actual adult kids.

My DS are early 20s, I love them coming over! They can stay as long as they like, but I go about my day normally. I might do a cooked breakfast for us or they will cook for all of us, or maybe go down the pub together or play a board game, but I love it. I can't imagine being tired of them. But if I want to go and do something I do it.

@Justontherightsideofnormal does your son cook his tea when he gets home or expect it on the table when he gets home

This is the best advice in my opinion!
Also, invent an illness when they come over (bad wrist for example) and rope them in to do chores for you!

Stop being so soft! If they came every month or two I'd be nicer but when it's most weekends they should fit in with you.

Next weekend quit cooking and take back the TV.

This

Just be a little smarter.

How does your husband feel? Because you have to be a team on this one.

Tell your children you have a new activty (book club, council, rambling, bingo, swimming, neighbourhood watch, gardening, learning bridge, bird watching) with an aim to expand your enjoyment of later life.

Give each child one weekend a month, where they have your undivided attention - and either of them can invite the other.

Stipulate you're full on family for Christmas, Easter, Bank Holidays and summer bbqs.

Make them feel loved, but clear them out for the next 6-12 months.

And have a chuckle with your husband over all the things you said you're going to say you're doing.

And when you're caught out - just say the real purpose of the exercise was your husband and you exploring alone time together.

Whilst the thought makes me shudder (you know; what about my life and weekend plans!) it must be comforting knowing you have an open, comfortable home which your adult children love coming too.

This sounds like a perfect response.
I love having mine over. If we invite them for lunch on a Sunday we cook. If they ask to come and stay then we take cooking in turn and if we already have a night or day out planned then we still go out.

You either broach it by starting to be 'busy' when they suggest coming over or when they come over you stop the cooking and giving up your space.

@crumblingschools It all depends on how the day has been at home with baby, sometimes he cooks sometimes DG, but mainly they cook together.

This is my idea of heaven.

I'm terrified of the day they leave home and not seeing them again often!

Cherish that you are close and have that relationship.

That being said, I can fully understand your side too. I think having a nice word and explaining that you need some you time is the only way forward.

If you want them to stop coming back to the nest so often, you need to make the nest a bit more uncomfortable for them. Stop waiting on them/pandering to them and it may not be so appealing.

It's time you had some weekends away OP. Preferably at their homes where you've arrived with a friend in tow and are both expecting to be waited on and fed for a couple of days. Let them try it.

I wouldn't tell them not to come but I wouldn't be catering to them like this. It's your TV, watch what you like, when you like. You can ask them to prepare dinner, or you can say you're having something light and not cooking. You don't have to entertain the GF, just carry on doing whatever you'd be doing if she wasn't there.

My son is a similar age and I would like to see more of him, so I would be very hesitant to make them feel unwelcome. You just need to take back control.

To me tit's the way they behave thats the issue not the frequency of visits. They want to visit fine.
If you have plans continue with them. If you don't want to cook don't.
Kids say "I would love a fry up" you reply with. "That sounds great you can cook it while I go have a showers and get dressed thanks".
Kid changed the channel " it's my tv I'm watching what I want I will let you know when the tv is available".
All else fails say they can come over but it is now your naked day and you will remain naked for the entirety.
My kids live at home still and they do not get to distant when/what I cook or what goes on the TV.