DH pressuring me to find a job

[Macadamiamama]

Need some context otherwise I’ll definitely be unreasonable.
DH is a well paid lawyer in London, whatever that means nowadays.
I’m not from the UK, I went to uni and started working in my country but since moving here I only ever did a few jobs here and there and stopped since having babies.
I have been supported by my DH for about 9 years now and he’s probably had enough of that. I need to add: he works long hours, is often very stressed. He doesn’t have much time for the kids, he helps with bath when he’s home otherwise it’s only me. I understand.
Now our youngest is about to go to reception in September and my time is ticking as he wants me to start contributing financially. I don’t feel able to find a good job in the hours I have or skills. I worked from home last year and it was a disaster I had to quit as I had no time to do anything around the house and the kids.
We have no luxuries apart from not checking prices at the supermarket. We never go on holiday. We own a flat and would like to buy a house soon.
The idea of work is nice but I feel stressed as I think I already do so much, I also wouldn’t get much money so it’s not very appealing. I have my ambitions, just don’t feel it’s worth at the moment when we have no debt and live a reasonably comfortable life.
He won’t change anything in his life when I start double shifting (work+kids) apparently I’ll have so much free time I won’t know what to with myself!
He mentions jobs in retail, waitress, receptionist. No disrespect for people doing that but he’ll go out the house in his suit and tie and I’d be going out in a uniform.
I’m not saying he needs to support me forever but I don’t feel confident enough to get a job atm. He won’t pay for further education either as that’d be taking money from the kids. Am I being too superior?

Oh, and given our kids have SEND, we had at least one medical appointment a month and it would've been me having to take time off work to do those appointments. Not practical at all!

The answer is easy. You get a job and he helps out more around the house. There’s nothing wrong with wearing a uniform

Yup!
I am surprised how many here are unable to understand what they just red.
Everyone is telling OP to get min wage part time job and shut up.
Why should she?
She graduated and spent almost ten years not attending career but birthing and keeping children and household on track.
Decent husband would take flexi work to support her career by becoming primary carer for school aged children while she can get career in decent place.
Or he can shut the fuck up and continue having SAHM to do it for him
Also, what is the drama with uniforms?
Yeah, her husband thinks these jobs are below and shit, jet thinks it is perfectly ok for his wife to get stuck into one so he can enjoy free nanny/maid/slave wife.
Fuck him and his inability to be happy and earn enough for life he wants.

Btw I have no idea why MN butchered my first post and made it all no.1 with huge gaps in text.

I'm genuinely intrigued as to what courses people think would be an investment for OP and guarantee her a well paying career ?

I mean I can see vocational may work but something like accountancy is presumably full time for a number of years. Many courses and degrees are not worth anything in terms of guaranteeing future employment.

We employ staff through an agency that is about retaining people for jobs in the corporate world so ex forces and ex forces wives are quite common and often women returners to work. Maybe this could be an option, but would be full time.

"He won’t pay for further education either as that’d be taking money from the kids." What education do you have? What education do you want to get? You say "further" not "higher" education, which makes me think you aren't up to degree level yet? Do you have GCSEs in Maths and English? You may well be able to get free courses, if you don't have GCSEs and don't earn.

Yes I know. That’s the dilemma here.
But if they are both of the joint family mindset the non working partner would be supportive of the family and work.
If one unilaterally decides without discussion and agreement that they don’t want to work then that’s not really a happy working relationship.
Everything would still be shared because they are a family but I can’t see this as a long term happy family.

In this situation OP whilst not wanting a ‘uniformed job’ doesn’t mean she can’t retrain and / or educate herself further to take up a job she will enjoy.

You are missing the point that working parents SPLIT these responsibilities so they each have a full time job + part time one. Op's husband will be doing none of that so op will effectively be working 2 full time jobs.

If she emphasised that point in the opening post instead of looking down on low paid workers the responses on this thread would look much different!

Well aren’t you being a princess. Can’t believe you’ve just referred to people working in uniforms
being sub standard to your husband in a suit. Wow. Double shifting? How are you double shifting your kids will be at school when you are working. You have seen that most women work now and have families.’

@LondonFox "Also, what is the drama with uniforms?
Yeah, her husband thinks these jobs are below and shit, jet thinks it is perfectly ok for his wife to get stuck into one so he can enjoy free nanny/maid/slave wife."

It was the OP denigrating these jobs, not her DH. He presumably thinks they are ok or he wouldn't have mentioned them.

Look as someone who earns money I will always do what I can to put into the family pot, so I am being made redundant from my well paid corporate job (thankfully with a good pay off). I am trying to get a similar role, but if I can't I will do anything really as I won't sit around doing nothing.

I know OP is not in the same position with young DCs, but I have little sympathy for someone being condescending about certain job roles, when they haven't earned anything ( apart from short wfh with DCs) for 9 years.

OP, I hear you over your post. You've been raising his/both your children/a household for all these years and as soon they start school, it becomes the "get a job" narrative over any job. I'm the first to spot people who look down on low wage workers like myself and you weren't. You brought up the uniform thing to illustrate the point over the disparity between his fancy career/his privilege over relatively speaking, what he out of nowhere, started a conversation with you over expecting you to do over suggestion of jobs. So I totally get why you wrote that. It takes time to find a suitable job. And I do believe people should be happy where they work. Why should you be pushed into a shitty job without re training (that he is denying you) whilst he swans off his high status most likely, easier one? How you both move onto a bigger home could just mean an adjustment of how money is spent, anyway, rather than forcing a job onto you and him then having the gall to say he won't be doing his share of childcare or housework, etc.

Working is massively over rated sometimes and if employer's want people to fill their roles, why judge someone for not working over "gaps"? I mean who cares, anyway, unless someone is in some major career to begin with that holds them back if they heaven forbid, weren't "economically active" for a year or so? If someone was out of work, they still acquire skills and do things with life. Even then, so what if someone wanted to to - or be - something else other than a wage slave for a while.

Appreciate your obvious experience in the field however
its not a requirement

Ask him if he's going to start contributing a fair share of household chores and childcare in order for you to find work in order to financially contribute. Can you find something part time to work around school hours. If not you need to think about after school childcare too which isn't free unless you have family or friends who will be happy to help with school runs etc

The only thing I can think of is tech courses.

She’s not working at all never mind 2 jobs. Parenting & associated tasks isn’t a job. It’s what you do as a parent, but job it is not

Going forward Yes they need to split the tasks, apportion responsibilities and collaboratively pull together. They’re stuck in oppositional stances
shes financially inactive and unwilling to work,
hes the work donkey and he resents the sole responsibility

Parenting & associated tasks isn’t a job. It’s what you do as a parent, but job it is not

No, it’s not a job - it’s much harder!

(Having been a SAHM and someone in a relatively stressful job, I feel qualified to say that). I found the parenting much harder.

ardest job in the world. That old spiel, blah blah
utter nonsense of course
parenting Is a predominantly private endeavour not subject to external scrutiny or external standards . It is not harder than a job because it’s not a job. A set of tasks isn’t equivalent to a job.i suppose it was. A matter of time before the ardest job in the world line got trotted out

Yep and I would have loved to swan off to an office all day whilst someone else picked up all the slack at home - looked after two young kids and did all the drudgery, all the cleaning and washing and cooking and childcare. Then come home from my interesting job to a clean house, kids in bed, meal cooked…

All the while focusing on my career with no distractions. I know what sounds preferable to me..

Is your keyboard missing an H? I assume from your post you’re a bloke. Let me repeat my previous post, since you don’t seem to have grasped what I said. I’ve been a SAHM and someone in a stressful job. The former was much harder.

Yup - I did this for a while and it was bliss! Much easier than childcare.

It doesn’t really matter if looking after your kids is really a job or whatever. The fact is that someone has to do it and that someone is not the OP’s husband.

It reads to me like you expect your husband to provide for you because he is a man and that you are not willing to get a job because somehow you feel he should bear the responsibility of being in the money.
As a single parent who has had to provide for myself and 3DC it's bloody hard, and I would be afraid he will resent you very much if you stay at home once your youngest is in school. And resentment kills love faster than almost anything else ...

working FT I’ve encountered prejudice etc from the non working mother
But It is me they want to talk to their daughters about uni, working,career progression as they have literally no relevant experience to share
No one kids ever needed or requested a career talk about running a house, or how being a sahp is actually ardest job in the world

What about looking at jobs with your local council? There's usually plenty of scope for progression and they'll often pay for training/further education. When my youngest went into reception, I retrained as a youth worker and worked in a Pupil Referral Unit. Not massively well paid but very rewarding and term time so fitted in with the kids. Local councils are usually quite flexible when it comes to working hours too.

You Presume I’m a bloke?
I presume your argumentative & prone to mendacity