DH pressuring me to find a job

[Macadamiamama]

Need some context otherwise I’ll definitely be unreasonable.
DH is a well paid lawyer in London, whatever that means nowadays.
I’m not from the UK, I went to uni and started working in my country but since moving here I only ever did a few jobs here and there and stopped since having babies.
I have been supported by my DH for about 9 years now and he’s probably had enough of that. I need to add: he works long hours, is often very stressed. He doesn’t have much time for the kids, he helps with bath when he’s home otherwise it’s only me. I understand.
Now our youngest is about to go to reception in September and my time is ticking as he wants me to start contributing financially. I don’t feel able to find a good job in the hours I have or skills. I worked from home last year and it was a disaster I had to quit as I had no time to do anything around the house and the kids.
We have no luxuries apart from not checking prices at the supermarket. We never go on holiday. We own a flat and would like to buy a house soon.
The idea of work is nice but I feel stressed as I think I already do so much, I also wouldn’t get much money so it’s not very appealing. I have my ambitions, just don’t feel it’s worth at the moment when we have no debt and live a reasonably comfortable life.
He won’t change anything in his life when I start double shifting (work+kids) apparently I’ll have so much free time I won’t know what to with myself!
He mentions jobs in retail, waitress, receptionist. No disrespect for people doing that but he’ll go out the house in his suit and tie and I’d be going out in a uniform.
I’m not saying he needs to support me forever but I don’t feel confident enough to get a job atm. He won’t pay for further education either as that’d be taking money from the kids. Am I being too superior?

Lots of people retrain after having a break from work whilst having children.
This is not an unusual situation and no one is going to find that odd.

OP has every right to pick up a job she finds interesting and with good career progression whatever the hours, just like her dh has. Including going back to study if it’s needed.

Of course you need qualifications to be a TA!

I think you should go to work. Please go to work. It's going to be very protective for you. But he's going to refuse to contribute any more labor at home, then you'll need to show him some data about how you really spend your time, or else you're not going to have any ammunition when he confidently tells you that you actually have no problem whatsoever, balancing work and school half-terms and so on. I would probably track your worktime for a few weeks, so you have some data about how much "free" time you really have. I doubt he will trust your worktime data, but at least you'll HAVE the data. Then when you go to work you can compare it with your new worktime when you are balancing work and home.

I was going to say you should do a course and get a certificate in something you can use to get a job. Like a health aide or nutritionist or something that is in whatever area you trained in previously. But if he's not willing to fund you to do a course then that likely won't be possible. However, if you start out with an entry level job in an area with potential, then over your first year or two of working, you'll learn more about what's the best place to look at getting more qualifications.

For example, if you go to work in a bakery, maybe you'll start thinking about opening your own cupcake business, using your own recipes for, I don't know, gluten-free cupcakes that you developed to make your gluten-free niece happy. Then, instead of taking a course to become a baker, you might take a certificate in running a small business. I don't know what the UK is like but here in the USA, states often will have free (or nearly free) government courses to help people start their own small business - on how to follow the taxes, what sort of paperwork is needed to register the business, etc. You can also do little courses on Udemy, to get an idea what different fields are like, how to get started, etc.

Most schools just require a grade 4/c in English and Maths.
As OP has a degree I’m guessing she’s probably got that.

Obviously - however I was responding to the person who said you don’t need qualifications to be a TA!

You obviously look down on people working in a 'uniform'. your excuses not to work are pathetic. You sound lazy, nothing else.

How do women working in those jobs manage children.

You have no salary so you qualify for studying part time via the OU. You would get your fees paid for.

Easy solution there if working isn't achievable for your current lifestyle.

Apprenticeships aren’t just for school leavers. The pay is low but potentially would be a foot in door.

You need to be to be in some sort of work at least to give yourself some financial independence in the long run, at least start building up a pension.

The TA idea is a good one, I did it for a while when I re-entered the workplace after having small children. It’s good hours often 8-4pm type hours. The wage isn’t brilliant but it’s extra money and you can use it to pay for some savings and a pension for you. Maybe some treats like holidays? Or the house purchase if you’re wanting to move.

Sign up with an agency and do some TA work through them.

Totally agree with this. I work in a ‘uniform job’ and I imagined myself in a much fancier job growing up. However, after staying home when the kids were little and going back when the kids were both in school, I see the massive benefits of the job I have. I walk out exactly on time every day (my boss makes sure I never stay over), always there for the school run (DH will do it when he can), feel like im contributing to the family finances (even if only a small way compared to my DH) and I know I can progress in the future. I never have to think about work outside of the hours im there and thats priceless with kids.

I think once kids are at school, it is important that you find something for yourself (even a small part time job). Cleaning/running a home is a very important role but do you want to do that 5 days a week? You will feel very isolated and probably not good for mental health in the long run. I’d take something small if your DH works very long hours, 3 days a week to fit in school hours - look at schools, healthcare, lots of part-time office roles etc. I would do it for yourself rather than him telling you to.

I'm all for women with children having jobs and careers but especially if it's an average earning household or single parent household or the couple aren't married , partly to protect yourself or if you have a real career pathway you can ease back into rather than any old random job.

When it's very high earner partners suggesting going into very average and not always very convenient hours jobs, I'm often suspicious of motives for suggesting it- does make me wonder if they think 'a split or redundancy ' is on the cards - because otherwise why not do something voluntary and flexible but within sensible hours if you don't need the cash?

I guess it depends how high earning is high earning?? I sort of see the point more if you have a moderately well paid 'career' you can just ease back into.

I'd suggest to him that you start with a weekend job to cut down on childcare costs. That way, he can look after the kids at weekends and get used to contributing to the household in non-financial ways.

Does he know how little those jobs pay??? If you have to pay for any childcare outside school hours, I'm not sure you'd earn hardly anything. Also, if you found work from home difficult to manage with drop-off and school pick up times, how is that going to work with your commute?

What is he offering to do differently so he can enable you to work easier? Let me guess - nothing.

What’s your opinion on pilots op given the fact they’re in uniform?

You do sound superior to be honest. Please expand on why you feel that "uniform" jobs are so below you. I'm in one am I less than you?

UK passport, that is why

.

he suggested retail and waitress work - last time I checked they weren't 70k jobs

"having a break from work whilst having children"

should read

"Working constantly to ensure the house, husband and children are looked after"

Just like her DH? Why should her DH pay for her further education? What is in it for him? Say they married at 20. Plus 9 years of unemployment, plus 4 years of further studying - and then what - 33 years old with no work experience in the UK fresh on the job market? The employers will be lining up to offer her a job with a good career progression, yeah, right. Just keep dreaming, like the useless Open University adverts promise middle-aged people by enticing them to their useless courses

A. What was your degree in?

B. What are your ambitions that you mention?

Now you can start planning the steps to get from A to B.

I recommend getting a job with Age UK as a home helper. It's not many hours and you can fit it around your kids.

Shes literally said he's to her to apply for retail and waitressing?