Man in ladies’ loo

[Suburbanrunner]

I was out running earlier today and stopped to go to the loo in a local park. A man came in at the same time with his young daughter and went into the cubicle next to me. As she went to the loo the father and daughter talked through all the steps they were taking and also commented on me ie is that lady also doing a wee, is she wiping her bum etc. I felt a bit uncomfortable and thought I’d wait for them to leave. However the father then proceeded to say that as they were there he was going to have a wee too. At this point I couldn’t take any more and said could you not do that, please can you go in the men’s. He got pretty aggressive saying what else was he meant to do as he had his young daughter with him. I felt so uncomfortable at this stage that I left (without going to the loo!)
Now I’m questioning myself - aibu to be annoyed he was in the loos? Or was he perfectly within his rights to bring his daughter into the women’s loos and also use them himself?
thank you mumsnet jury!

I think it’s likely the little girl was asking innocent questions and the Dad was answering, no?

Oh look, yet another OP who posts a pile of shite to rile up the man haters and then fucks off. 🤔

It is so anti-men. If this thread was slagging off women in the same way nobody would tolerate it, but they do, cos it’s men, and yes it’s not ‘all men’ but lots of people like to say it is most men or always men causing the issues. So prejudiced - and no I don’t always defend men. I just think the double standards are incredible

So he was in a cubicle with his daughter, is that right? And decided to have a pee while he was in there?

Why would you even care? I don't get it. We've all had moments with borderline age kids where the correct thing to do is a little bit blurry.

Since when has it been normal or acceptable for a man to go into the women’s toilet with his daughter?

Since we all get caught short with our young children so I’d say since forever.

We've all had moments with borderline age kids where the correct thing to do is a little bit blurry.

And yet when a mum takes her borderline aged 9 year old son in with her everyone gets hysterical about it on here.

Some of the comments on here are ridiculous. I have used men’s toilets on several occasions and not been traumatised by a row of urinals. They all had cubicles as well! As pp have said I have found disabled, unisex and women’s toilets all have the risk of pee on the seat or worse.

My use has been legitimate e.g. at Wembley Stadium they repurpose the men’s into women’s using a cloth cover over the sign.

I used the former Men’s toilets at the theatre as they have now been repurposed as Gender neutral. I think the men using them were slightly surprised, but I can assure you there was no glimpse of genitals from those using the urinals.

I support 3rd (4th actually) spaces as I think we need Male and female single sex, disabled and unisex/gender neutral.

I agree with @Suburbanrunner the running commentary on what the op was doing and then what he was going to do would have been exceptionally uncomfortable in a female single sex space. He could have changed the topic.

Personally I think he should have used the men’s toilets.

Not me because I’m sane.

This has to made up....no man ever go into a ladies toilet...dh and everyone I know takes their dd into the men's...

Ah good. When I say everyone I mean the vast majority.

It’s a bit weird but I doubt he was a perv, just a bit thoughtless. He should have gone into the men’s but maybe the little girl was soiling herself at that very moment and it was a genuine emergency. I’m not sure but would be prepared to give the benefit of the doubt. Obviously all the rules on toilets have now changed though.

Where do you live that men have always been going into women’s toilets with their children? 😂

I don't think he was announcing to the OP he was going. Just saying to his little girl that he was going whilst he was in there.

No performance or anything

Yep, I have never seen piss flood etc. in women's toilet. Once, at the international airport shoe sole print on the seat but those are culture differences.

I used to be taken to the men's as a small girl. It was okey. I have seen more male urination on the streets than as a child in the men's...
Female accompanied by a male (father, brother, partner) is safe - magic of male protection. That is how patriarchy works.

You know it didn't happen when OP doesn't return 🤣🤣

What were you actually uncomfortable about? I can understand if he was a lone man but he was taking his child to the toilet. At no point were you at risk. Also, how many times do small children and their mothers talk about what is going on in the toilet and what they are doing, and then a child might talk about other people in there? Him doing a pee is no biggie either, he was in a cubicle. I feel this is a total over reaction. He could have probably dealt with you better though.

My husband would never take our daughter in the ladies - men should not be in there.

He should either take her into the men’s with him or into the disabled if they’re particularly gross.

Fine to bring her in, really bloody weird to do a running commentary though!
Especially the bum wiping part, that's just... Eurgh. he could've said it to her without including you in it, why not make it about "mummy" instead???
I guess it depends a little bit on just how young the daughter was, but makes my skin crawl a tad regardless.

I wouldn't much mind, it wouldn't be nice for the girl to have to go into the men's. But I wouldn't appreciate the commentary or the attitude - ideally he would have poked his head round and announced he was wanted to come in with his daughter and/or waited outside until he was reasonably sure it was empty.

My daughter would also have done the commenting - I can easily see this being a conversation I'd have to have too. I don't think that has anything to do with him being a man, perhaps he is just showing his DD that there is nothing dirty or secret about using a loo (which can equate in a small child's head dirty / secret = bad) and ThT everyone uses them of all ages.

Oh yes this! What about male cleaners? They're in the loos regularly - I'd rather have a male cleaner than no cleaner!

She’d end up going in to the men’s when she’s in nappies, regardless. Unless he’s going to go into the women’s or disabled loo every time he needs the toilet? Hopefully not…

The disabled toilet isn’t the ideal option if it’s taking it away from someone who needs it, is it? The ideal option is a separate family cubicle, like the big shopping centre near me has. If there’s not one of those then small children go into whatever toilet matches the sex of the parent taking them.

Just this week, whilst on holiday (in a European city) I went into the ladies loo in a park and encountered a man and a woman changing a baby's nappy.

I felt a bit uncomfortable and on edge as you just don't expect to see a man in a ladies loo, and also I wondered why it needed the two of them to change the nappy?

I vote YANBU, it's not on at all

is that lady also doing a wee, is she wiping her bum etc.

Oh come on.