I've caused WW3 at work - vegetarian

[Lazykitten]

I'm veggie. Nearly vegan but once in a blue moon eat cheese so don't refer to myself as that.

We have a team meal booked. In theory it's for us plebs as a thank you for hitting targets. In reality it's to network with the big bosses who comes up to celebrate with us.

Meal is booked in Manchester in the evening at a restaurant renowned for its meat. You don't order a meal, they just come round with sides of beef,lamb, pork etc every 5 minutes and carve at the table. I'm not going to eat this. Nor do I want to sit there surrounded by meat, its been so long since I've ate it the smell turns my stomach a little. Plus it's Manchester not exactly a small town so there was opportunity to book plenty of other nice restaurants. So I've said thank you but no thank you as I wouldn't enjoy it.

Team manager says I'm being ridiculous. That there's a salad bar. And if I don't come I'll need to book the day off as leave.

We've locked horns before as in the summer we had an event at a famous race course - one where there are often fatalities. I said I didn't want to go as I disagree with horse racing, he pushed me into it, so I went and felt awful. I'm not going this year so I'm going to have that battle coming up too.

I'm not a confrontational person so this is really upsetting me. I just wanted to quietly decline but now it's blown up and everyone seems to have an opinion.

Do you think I need to suck it up and go?

Go for drinks beforehand, then take your leave when they decamp to restaurant.

Matter of fact, this-is-what-I'm-doing approach. If your manager tries to pull a stunt, involve HR.

I've been to a restaurant like this. The salad bar was good and I should have enjoyed my meal.
However, what spoilt things was the carving at the table. When meat was being cut for other guests I was sitting with, splatters of grease and bits of fat ended up on my plate. This happened more than once.
Don't go.

Yes it is. Don't know why I'm being all coy about naming it 😆

Agree you should take this to HR. I've not worked in places where people are not asked and considered when a meal is being planned. It is basic manners. In this day and age, it's pretty ridiculous to pick a very 'meaty' restaurant - there are bound to be colleagues who don't eat such meats for religious and/or ethical reasons. Your boss sounds like a bully - and of course you do not need to take AL to cover an evening event if you usually work days - I presume you'll be working that day as usual.

Well I'm an absolute meat lover but even I can say your boss is being unreasonable, ridiculous and bullying.

It's one thing for meat dishes to be eaten in your presence - quite another for huge slabs of meat to be constantly brought around and carved before your table.

And why he/she says you have to take a days leave when the event takes place near the end of a working day is batshit.

Surely there's someone above them that you can take this issue to? HR?

I've eaten plenty of delicious meals in Mcr but they weren't in 'aspirational' restaurants, they were in dingy back street international places who weren't pretending to be anyone other than themselves.

Surely this is an indicator that further diversity training is needed. As previously mentioned, you could get into serious trouble talking to a religious colleague like this. I would mention this to HR.

😳 how the fuck can someone be made to take a day’s holiday because they aren’t attending an evening (unpaid??) event???

I’m not doubting he said it btw just appalled

They do an actual vegetarian menu in addition to the salad bar (and a vegan one).

I realise this isn’t the point though!

If you are going for a team celebration surely one of the considerations is that everyone should enjoy it? Your boss sounds rubbish at best. If he insists on annual leave, go to HR. I wouldn’t have gone to horse racing either. I’d just have worked from home.

I’m a veggie too and I wouldn’t be thrilled about going to this sort of restaurant but they usually have something on the menu for veggies, I’ve been to similar restaurants for friends’ birthdays etc because it’s what they want to do. I think refusing to go does make you look like not a team player, and where do you draw the line - what if the meal is at a Chinese restaurant and someone says they don’t like Chinese food, you can’t please everyone.

Agreed.

Im veggie and am not at all squeamish about other people eating meat and will cook it myself but I’ve just googled the place - perfect example of sophistication - meat hanging around you? There are a few places near us that do similar and they’re just a novelty version of all you can eat.

Makes me think of the scene from braveheart when all the bodies are hanging from the ceiling at the beginning. Hardly sophisticated.

Being a vegetarian could fall within the ethical belief provisions of the Equality Act 2010. The company are being ridiculous and I'd be advising them to change their stance pronto.

I think there’s a difference between the intention and the delivery. I’ve been to places quite happily where there’s one lacklustre veggie option, to places I’d never choose to go but everyone gets to eat and it’s not really about the food . This is all about the food, food that OP cannot eat, there’s carcasses and OP has said not that she doesn’t like the food but the focus on dead animals makes her uncomfortable and they are essentially saying they will sanction her with taking annual leave if she doesn’t go. That’s the objectionable bit here.

Sorry OP- your manager sounds awful. If this is not paid time as part of your working hours then you cannot be mandated to go. However, I understand that this kind of networking can be unofficially expected and helpful for your career, depending on your industry.

Your team leader will be unhappy whatever you do here so I'd do what makes me comfortable (I am also vegetarian and would not go either). I would join for pre or after drinks (get a trusted colleague to text you the location if it's after drinks, I wouldn't trust team leader to do it)

Be polite and factual in all your responses and keep a diary (private, in a safe, non work place) of what your TL has said and how they've acted if this escalates.

With the horse racing- if this is a paid working day, I would book annual leave. I also don't like horse racing and wouldn't want to attend, but if it's in working hours it is a lot more difficult to dispute, despite the ED&I angle

I'm not a vegetarian but I would absolutely not expose (and insist on doing do) a vegetarian to such an environment.
Absolutely not on. Don't go to the meal, just join them for drinks if you must interact.
The horse race day is even worse.

Is it Viva Brazil? My work booked a Christmas meal there and I hated it even though I do eat meat, just not very much. I would decline.

I think refusing to go does make you look like not a team player

When really the issue is that the team manager isn't being a 'team player' let alone a good team leader.

It's an event supposedly totally thank the plebs for hitting targets and to give them a chance to network with the bosses. So obviously the venue should be chosen to be one where the plebs will enjoy themselves and feel at ease.

The manager responding to the OP by saying she's ridiculous and then doubling down with the bizarre suggestion that she'll need to take a day's leave (remember the meal is supposed to be a thank you!) is bad team managership.

@OdeToBarney Re protected characteristics. Isn't that for veganism? OP says not a vegan but vegetarian so would probably not meet the standards of proof.

I have friends who are veggie/vegan .would not think of going somewhere like that! Just say you can come for drinks only. Let me guess he loves his meat and 2 veg ?

Yes, this. I'd obviously be fine going to normal place and having a veggie option.
This does sound a bit precious I know, but it's the smell of the place too it just makes me nauseous. Reminds me of being a kid and going with my grandma to the meat Market, hated the smell of it even back then

I agree. There’s nothing you can do about the type of restaurant they’ve booked, but I’m not veggie and would totally understand why you wouldn’t want to go. I’m with you re horse racing as well. Speak to the Union or Acas, he’s an absolute dick.

But if they chose a place with some good veggie options what would you do if everyone else still chose meat?

My sisters veggie and everytime we go for a family meal we make sure they have several things for her but 9 time sout of 10 everyone else gets a mixed grill.

So do you just avoid going to places that serve meat full stop?

If so I think it WBU to expect everyone to go to a veggie restaurant.

And if you wouldn't expect that how can you police what amount of meat people order?

Spot on 😆 I'm the only woman in the team too so I'm sure there an element of 'hysterical female' in the thought process. As that's exactly how he's made me feel

I've just looked at my local Fazenda. I think it looks dreadful. Overpriced and unimaginative.

None of the vegetarian, vegan and pescatarian options are close to being worth the £30-odd price. Pasta, risotto, tomato and coconut stew or grilled salmon. Ok, I'm assuming work would be paying - but none of those options would make me want to spend the evening with my colleagues instead of at home.