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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've caused WW3 at work - vegetarian

446 replies

Lazykitten · 06/04/2024 08:42

I'm veggie. Nearly vegan but once in a blue moon eat cheese so don't refer to myself as that.

We have a team meal booked. In theory it's for us plebs as a thank you for hitting targets. In reality it's to network with the big bosses who comes up to celebrate with us.

Meal is booked in Manchester in the evening at a restaurant renowned for its meat. You don't order a meal, they just come round with sides of beef,lamb, pork etc every 5 minutes and carve at the table. I'm not going to eat this. Nor do I want to sit there surrounded by meat, its been so long since I've ate it the smell turns my stomach a little. Plus it's Manchester not exactly a small town so there was opportunity to book plenty of other nice restaurants. So I've said thank you but no thank you as I wouldn't enjoy it.

Team manager says I'm being ridiculous. That there's a salad bar. And if I don't come I'll need to book the day off as leave.

We've locked horns before as in the summer we had an event at a famous race course - one where there are often fatalities. I said I didn't want to go as I disagree with horse racing, he pushed me into it, so I went and felt awful. I'm not going this year so I'm going to have that battle coming up too.

I'm not a confrontational person so this is really upsetting me. I just wanted to quietly decline but now it's blown up and everyone seems to have an opinion.

Do you think I need to suck it up and go?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
katepilar · 06/04/2024 20:24

Why are they telling you to take a leave? You are available to work so go to work as normal I would think?

pensione · 06/04/2024 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Minymile · 06/04/2024 20:33

Just checked out the menu
2 vegetarian main meal choices
2 vegan main meal choices

Very uninspiring as well.
Bloody goats cheese, or blue cheese or mushroom risotto. Yawn! So coconut and tomato stew then🤣🤣🤣

Please not @Lazykitten their menu clearly states

They cannot guarantee there will be no cross contamination

If they can’t guarantee cross contamination for people with allergies they certainly can’t do so for veggies.

Id also say a huge no to all those skewers of meat being carried around and all those animals being grilled at the table. You’ll be surrounded. I’d find this really upsetting!

Volpini · 06/04/2024 20:43

Justpontificating · 06/04/2024 20:19

I love your refreshingly frank post. 👏👏👏👏

Show quote history

Thank you. I do normally try to be a bit more polite, but some of the comments are amazing!

Volpini · 06/04/2024 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I have read the thread as well as your charming comments.

pensione · 06/04/2024 20:54

Volpini · 06/04/2024 20:50

I have read the thread as well as your charming comments.

Show quote history

So why make your asinine, irrelevant comments?

Volpini · 06/04/2024 21:01

pensione · 06/04/2024 20:54

So why make your asinine, irrelevant comments?

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Have a lovely evening, pensione. I’ve had my vitamins, so better luck goading someone else.

pensione · 06/04/2024 21:03

Volpini · 06/04/2024 21:01

Have a lovely evening, pensione. I’ve had my vitamins, so better luck goading someone else.

Show quote history

Goady one would be you, no one asked you to respond with your bilge about abattoirs and splatterings of animal fat and bits of meat being carved. I think you’ve been watching too many documentaries about serial killers.

Buh-bye.

katepilar · 06/04/2024 21:07

I am not a vegetarian and would hate such a place too!

UncleHerbie · 06/04/2024 21:12

Lazykitten · 06/04/2024 08:42

I'm veggie. Nearly vegan but once in a blue moon eat cheese so don't refer to myself as that.

We have a team meal booked. In theory it's for us plebs as a thank you for hitting targets. In reality it's to network with the big bosses who comes up to celebrate with us.

Meal is booked in Manchester in the evening at a restaurant renowned for its meat. You don't order a meal, they just come round with sides of beef,lamb, pork etc every 5 minutes and carve at the table. I'm not going to eat this. Nor do I want to sit there surrounded by meat, its been so long since I've ate it the smell turns my stomach a little. Plus it's Manchester not exactly a small town so there was opportunity to book plenty of other nice restaurants. So I've said thank you but no thank you as I wouldn't enjoy it.

Team manager says I'm being ridiculous. That there's a salad bar. And if I don't come I'll need to book the day off as leave.

We've locked horns before as in the summer we had an event at a famous race course - one where there are often fatalities. I said I didn't want to go as I disagree with horse racing, he pushed me into it, so I went and felt awful. I'm not going this year so I'm going to have that battle coming up too.

I'm not a confrontational person so this is really upsetting me. I just wanted to quietly decline but now it's blown up and everyone seems to have an opinion.

Do you think I need to suck it up and go?

Absolutely fucking not! 😡 How dare they? Would they expect an observant Jew or Muslim to eat park? Because that’s the reality

Tell him no and use my example to shame him. Good luck!

Nicetobenice67 · 06/04/2024 21:13

Personally I wouldn’t go and wouldn’t let anyone make me feel bad about my decision

Original poster
Lazykitten · 06/04/2024 21:14

Don't fight people!!

I've had a gin now so am having grumpy conversations in my head. This is, quite literally, supposed to be a reward as its in my R&R and not only has it caused an atmosphere but even if I don't go, I'm still going to have to come into the office when I'd usually WFH. Not much of a blooming incentive is it? Will just not meet targets this year so no problem 😆

Also, surely it would have been easy to consult us as its OUR REWARD! Only 5 of us, or 6 if you include TM. Colleagues would have been quite happy with the Ivy, or 20 Stories or similar

OP posts:
lpylou · 06/04/2024 21:20

I am not veggie but also not wild about meat, I eat it but large amounts really put me off. I wouldn't enjoy this restaurant at all. It sounds like it's geared up for men full stop. I was the only woman at a meal at a steak restaurant with work and I ordered the lobster, chips and salad - I was the only one! But I would strongly not like meat being brought to the table non stop.

Beekeepingmum · 06/04/2024 21:25

I'm a veggie and I have been to Fazenda in Manchester. I don't recall it being overly traumatic - The veggie options were good. That said Manchester isn't exactly short of good places to eat.

lpylou · 06/04/2024 21:27

What's the female to male ratio at this meal out of curiosity?

HollyKnight · 06/04/2024 21:29

@lpylou since when has meat been a gender thing?!

AngryBookworm · 06/04/2024 21:35

Your team lead is being aggressive in the hope that you'll be intimidated into not telling anyone that he's made a poor decision. I would mention it to HR, especially the bit about him saying you'd need a day's leave if you didn't go to the dinner given it's not during the working day and has been sold as a 'treat' for you. The company is paying for this so they should know their resources are being used poorly. It's in dodgy legal territory to insist someone goes to a restaurant like this during the evening when it's not an operationally necessary event, so HR should know about that too. He didn't have to handle it that way and it's probably useful for them to know that he chose to.

Londonrach1 · 06/04/2024 21:35

Go for drinks before but explain you have a ore booked theatre trip or something else. Sometimes a white lie is needed .sad you have too but sounds like you have a difficult manager. Are you happy in the job, if ride this out of not maybe look for another....

Hedgehog23 · 06/04/2024 21:38

Is there any kind of union at your work? I think it would be helpful to suggest they look at venues for events that might be more inclusive for people I.e. not a race course and a restaurant that caters better for veggies and vegans (though might also serve meat).

Volpini · 06/04/2024 21:38

Lazykitten · 06/04/2024 21:14

Don't fight people!!

I've had a gin now so am having grumpy conversations in my head. This is, quite literally, supposed to be a reward as its in my R&R and not only has it caused an atmosphere but even if I don't go, I'm still going to have to come into the office when I'd usually WFH. Not much of a blooming incentive is it? Will just not meet targets this year so no problem 😆

Also, surely it would have been easy to consult us as its OUR REWARD! Only 5 of us, or 6 if you include TM. Colleagues would have been quite happy with the Ivy, or 20 Stories or similar

Really sorry this subject is winding you up on your Saturday night, but your feelings are telling you that this situation is off.
The inconsiderate choice of restaurant is one thing, but - if I were you - your manager‘s graceless way of foisting his personal preferences on the team, even when he knows this will cause one of his team members discomfort, would be the issue for me here. For this to happen once could - at a push - be written off as clumsy. His persistence is something else and it sounds to me like he is creating a hostile atmosphere… You have tried to speak to him, and he has dug in, so in your shoes I really would be considering a chat with HR not limited to this dinner, but his whole approach to team events. You’ve heard the opinions of HR reps on here - it’s not you, it’s him.
I doubt this is the only scenario in which he’s tricky. His is not exactly a model of selfless leadership, is he? Let’s be positive and think that, by bringing this to the attention of HR, he will have opportunities to be supported, grow and develop…or be supported in leaving.
All this bother due to his inflexibility when he could literally have listened and changed the booking to the Ivy - I completely changed my whole wedding for 80 people with 3 weeks to go. I am sure he can manage to rebook for a different venue for dinner for 6 people on a weeknight in April…what a tit.

angeldelightisyummy · 06/04/2024 22:36

CrispsandStEtienne · 06/04/2024 19:00

YABU. There will be a vegetarian option, there literally always is.

No, not always a vegetarian option. No vegan option is quite common.

I’d not be going to this. Yes it might look a bit awkward - 6 or so down to go, one drops out.

How would they cope if one was a Hindu, Jew or Muslim? Or had allergies?

Bundobust is a 10 min walk away. Much nicer food on offer - and a great deal cheaper.

This ‘reward’ is a statement meal. Stick to your decision. See HR.

All the best.

HaveTeaWillSurvive · 06/04/2024 23:05

Poor / thoughtless decision on his part but I think I’d just stand firm that I wasn’t going. Go for the pre drinks and if anyone asks just say you already had plans - it’s perfectly normal for people to have a life, it’s out of work hours and honestly most people wouldn’t think twice about someone saying that. If your TL continues to be a twat, I’d remind him he can’t tell you what to do out of hours and that if her persists you will be raising a complaint with HR.

QueenBitch666 · 07/04/2024 01:27

Join a union
Contact HR
Veganism IS a protected characteristic based on a compassionate belief. Not sure why people seem be be triggered by this ( guilt I'm guessing )
No idea re Vegetarianism. You need to look into this
You're being bullied in the workplace
Been there. Got the Tshirt.
Stand up for your principles
Hell would freeze over before I endorsed the abject cruelty that is horse racing
I certainly wouldn't spend the evening with people gorging on murdered animals
You'll be respected more for sticking to your principles. If not FUCK EM

QueenBitch666 · 07/04/2024 01:28

SevenSeasOfRhye · 06/04/2024 08:59

Tell him you are banned from the restaurant after staging an animal rights protest there a few years ago.

Nice one 👌

shearwater2 · 07/04/2024 04:38

I wouldn't be happy with the choice either even as a meat eater. It sounds performative and tedious.