I've caused WW3 at work - vegetarian

[Lazykitten]

I'm veggie. Nearly vegan but once in a blue moon eat cheese so don't refer to myself as that.

We have a team meal booked. In theory it's for us plebs as a thank you for hitting targets. In reality it's to network with the big bosses who comes up to celebrate with us.

Meal is booked in Manchester in the evening at a restaurant renowned for its meat. You don't order a meal, they just come round with sides of beef,lamb, pork etc every 5 minutes and carve at the table. I'm not going to eat this. Nor do I want to sit there surrounded by meat, its been so long since I've ate it the smell turns my stomach a little. Plus it's Manchester not exactly a small town so there was opportunity to book plenty of other nice restaurants. So I've said thank you but no thank you as I wouldn't enjoy it.

Team manager says I'm being ridiculous. That there's a salad bar. And if I don't come I'll need to book the day off as leave.

We've locked horns before as in the summer we had an event at a famous race course - one where there are often fatalities. I said I didn't want to go as I disagree with horse racing, he pushed me into it, so I went and felt awful. I'm not going this year so I'm going to have that battle coming up too.

I'm not a confrontational person so this is really upsetting me. I just wanted to quietly decline but now it's blown up and everyone seems to have an opinion.

Do you think I need to suck it up and go?

Eww of course you don’t want to go. What a bunch of bastards. Salad bar indeed.
Get their insistence on your attendance in writing then take it to HR. At the least it’s not inclusive. At worst it’s deliberate exclusion and making you feel uncomfortable on purpose.

The restaurant is very expensive and high profile so that's why it was chosen. But it's Manchester FGS not exactly a shortage of other posh venues!

Thank you, I've taken heart from the responses here

I realise there is a network element to the meal but how long does your manager think a meal takes if he wants you to take a whole day’s leave if you aren’t going to attend the lunch.

I don’t think catching up with them for the post meal networking will be pleasant for you- the place will reek of meat.

There is no way I'd go. I dont want to be surrounded by dead animals. Id refuse to go and I'd be off to HR.

Yes but this is not a work event per se. It's a social event after work. It cannot be mandatory that people attend social events after work.

I don't understand why you need to take a days leave? Don't you work in the day. Be there for that.

They can't force you to come to the meal but personally I'd just go. Say you feel unwell and leave if the smell of meat makes you ill. I mean, it's a problem to be so oversensitive and it marks you out in a negative way but do you care?.

if you leave or dont attend, work will peg you as not a team player. I show up at stuff because I like getting pay rises and promotions but I'm career driven. You might not be.

If its bem brasil or similar they will have a vegan option. Just make enquiries and sort it out yourself

I've sat through work meals with Jewish and Islamic colleagues who get a particular meal. It's never an issue as long as they can eat what they want.

It's not a lunch though.

It's after work has finished.

Tell him you are banned from the restaurant after staging an animal rights protest there a few years ago.

I'd go for the drinks, as if they were slicing meat up next to the table I'd probably throw up and that's not a good look for anyone. The stench of a barbecue is too much for me, which is why I stay away.

Some people are vegetarian or avoid certain meats for religious reasons, though (Sikhs, Jains). Women are also much more likely to have caring responsibilities that preclude them attending out-of-work-time events, and both sex and religion are protected characteristics, so the manager's stance on this is a very bad look and I would be concerned about my liability in the company's shoes.

That would do it 😄😄

In your shoes, if they're going at 4pm and your hours are to 5pm, I would go, stay until 5pm, make my excuses and leave.

Unless your contract states that you have to be available after 5pm or outside normal working hours, then they don't have a shovel to shit on. It's your free time to do what you will, with.

If it’s one of those Brazilian places the ‘salad bar’ is actually fantastic for a huge array of hot veggie bean, corn, veg dishes .

Though the issue of carving big slabs of red steak under your nose remains.

I can't see the relevance of taking a day's leave when the meal that OP is unwilling to attend is outside working hours.

I also think that making attendance compulsory at events outside working hours is unreasonable. It makes things difficult for people with caring responsibilities, or who have long commutes. And not everyone wants to socialise with colleagues.

Tbh, I spent a week in Manchester and literally every meal I ate was just dreadful. Appalling service at supposedly ’posh’ restaurants and everywhere was trying to do twists on things that just didn’t work at all.

never again.

tell your boss that you can’t come to a restaurant like that, it’s against your beliefs and as disappointed as he might be, you’d be grateful if he could respect that. Offer to go for drinks or something but then you should be able to leave them to it, as their choice of restaurant is not somewhere you can just suck it up or eat salad.

perhaps say that this is no different to non-halal or alcohol to a Muslim., that this isn’t a food preference, it’s a belief

Your boss is a nasty bully. I am lifelong veggie too and the smell from people cooking meat (especially wafting from bbqs) makes me feel sick. I have no problem with others eating meat at the table but being surrounded by joints being carved would be too much to cope with.
Also agree re horse racing.
This silly little man is refusing to accept your values which you are perfectly entitled to hold. I would get on to HR and threaten him with a grievance if he doesn’t mend his ways fast.

Hence my reference to work hours. I've passively "opted out" of an after work event by staying to work till the end of the working day while colleagues left early.

I'm another who also doesn't understand the annual leave thing. It's in the evening, so why would you need a day off work if you don't go?

I'm vegetarian and wouldn't mind going if it's one of those places with the amazing salad bars and I didn't have to pay, but the presence of meat doesn't bother me that much, I just don't want to eat it. I wouldn't want to be questioned all night about why I'm vegetarian though, drives me fucking nuts.

I would never go to the races. I'd be happy to die on that hill.

I’m a veggie, and whilst I don’t mind at all what other people eat and don’t object to someone eating a rare steak in front of me I find that certainly most of my friends and colleagues have been polite, possibly overly so by asking if I’d mind if they had steak. I don’t but it’s very considerate and appreciated.

this though is deliberately exclusionary, and they are making you out to be the problem. There’s no comparison between them all having a hot meal and you have a salad bar, presumably that’s the side dishes. There’ll be carcasses around and the whole thing then becomes about the meat which will be uncomfortable for you. And they know it, and they don’t care and think you should get over it. I’d personally not have mentioned it and just not gone/making excuses as it’s not a protected belief. But now because they have been so unreasonable about forcing you to do something you’re clearly uncomfortable with that is meant to be a nice gesture I’d flat out refuse to go. No discussion, just say you’re not asking them to change the majority choice but you won’t be going as it won’t be in any way enjoyable and comfortable and you feel you’re being railroaded.

i personally wouldn’t ask them to change venue but I wouldn’t go. Not even for drinks as they have shown zero consideration.

When there have been things like this at my work that I haven't wanted or been able to attend, I have declined the invite and there was no further discussion.

It sounds like your manager is trying to make this compulsory which is bonkers.

Are they always this controlling? I'd be speaking to HR on Monday morning with a few questions.

I know the kind of restaurant and they do have veggie options (if it's the chain I'm thinking of good ones). It's not ideal though, insensitive. My dc is veggie and the waiters made sure they didn't carve either side of her.

I've never had a decent meal in Manchester!! Tbf I've only been there twice, but as someone else said, too many of the restaurants seemed to be trying to be "edgy" and super-high end, and not quite hitting the mark. I'm sure there are incredible restaurants in Manchester....but I'm yet to find them.

I love those South American meat parade restaurants because i can eat my bodyweight in steak and sausage, but no way would I arrange a team dinner at one if I knew anyone in the team was veggie/ Muslim/ Jewish!! It's not suitable for that sort of event. Your manager sounds like a dick, OP.

If the restaurant in question is Fazenda, it’s awesome for meat eaters, but the salad bar is pretty average and not worth going for if it’s all you could eat.

My contract is 9-5 but it us the kind of job you're expected to attend events. And as the horse racing is during the day, that's where I backed down last year. I suppose I could 'coincidently' take AL for that (although it's a waste of a days holiday)

For the meal I suspect its TL wanting to save face so he's not asked why I'm not there after being around in the day.