I've caused WW3 at work - vegetarian

[Lazykitten]

I'm veggie. Nearly vegan but once in a blue moon eat cheese so don't refer to myself as that.

We have a team meal booked. In theory it's for us plebs as a thank you for hitting targets. In reality it's to network with the big bosses who comes up to celebrate with us.

Meal is booked in Manchester in the evening at a restaurant renowned for its meat. You don't order a meal, they just come round with sides of beef,lamb, pork etc every 5 minutes and carve at the table. I'm not going to eat this. Nor do I want to sit there surrounded by meat, its been so long since I've ate it the smell turns my stomach a little. Plus it's Manchester not exactly a small town so there was opportunity to book plenty of other nice restaurants. So I've said thank you but no thank you as I wouldn't enjoy it.

Team manager says I'm being ridiculous. That there's a salad bar. And if I don't come I'll need to book the day off as leave.

We've locked horns before as in the summer we had an event at a famous race course - one where there are often fatalities. I said I didn't want to go as I disagree with horse racing, he pushed me into it, so I went and felt awful. I'm not going this year so I'm going to have that battle coming up too.

I'm not a confrontational person so this is really upsetting me. I just wanted to quietly decline but now it's blown up and everyone seems to have an opinion.

Do you think I need to suck it up and go?

@cremebrulait

Some people who choose not to eat meat act like it's repulsive for others to eat meat or seafood and I think that's repulsive.

OP never said that, though.

She said the smell of cooked meat makes her feel sick.

You're judging her on things she never said.

Oh God, that's gross! And I eat meat!

@godmum56 it's a high risk sport. Always has been always will be. Please don't underestimate the extent to which race horses are nurtured and cared for. Their lives are far better than donkeys on a beach and the industry as you call it provides jobs and livelihoods for thousands of people in a very regulated environment. Stables all over the UK do not look after horses as well and working horses have always been high risk fkr mortality. Their strength and size mitigates for and against them but on the whole a professionally raced horse is extremely well cared for.

I don’t think you need to suck this up, honestly; however, you should accept the consequences that this could impact the way people view you, ie, less of a “team player”

is your job worth it? Ask yourself that question.

I definitely wouldn’t go and I would not expect to take a days holiday either.
I also would not go to a pig roast or a meat barbecue. As an ethical vegan I would decline and clearly state why.
(Ethical veganism is protected in law).
I declined a “post Covid” reward evening of attending a horse racing event. I’m an NHS nurse. I don’t partake in events I ethically disagree with.
OP I wish you all the best in your work challenges regarding your ethical and moral stance.

bad somewhere else doesn't make the bloodstock industry good.

I'm no RSPCA fan, but even they understand the cruelty of horse racing - the actual racing and how the horses are cared for. People will scoff and claim to be experts, but I've been around horses all my life. I have a behavior qualification and train horses and people. Racehorses are commodities. Nobody cares about them as sentient beings, only to get the most out of them financially. Google chifney, and racehorse tongue tie. Nobody should be forced to go to the races and condone this industry. https://kb.rspca.org.au/knowledge-base/what-are-the-animal-welfare-issues-with-thoroughbred-horse-racing/

I'm veggie, none of my family are and I'm usually fine with restaurants etc. But we went to one where the meat was carved at the table and it really made me feel queasy by the end, and I ended up barely touching my own food because of it. I don't care what others eat, and my beliefs are very much my own but a large cut of meat from whatever animal has a strong odour when cooked and I just don't like that smell.

I don't think anybody is comparing.....

yup...also saying "Oh its a high risk sport and employs thousands of people" are not excuses

I think you should just go and have salad. If you eat out with family or friends does that mean nobody can order meat. But if you feel you cant then take it further. But you wont look good IMHO.

If I were you, @Lazykitten, I’d agree to go, go to the drinks and then get a phone call about an ‘emergency’ - and then leave.

"Good" HR is HR that looks after management's interest. Just to be borne in mind.

I am a meat eater and get judgy at anyone who is easily offended and even I think this is out of order. No reason they couldn’t have chosen somewhere else!

Unbelievable that they would expect you to go there. The carving of meat at the table makes it very different to just going to a restaurant with meat eaters. Very discriminatory to try and make you have the day off if you don't want to go. Regardless of the fact that HR "works for management" as someone has said, they won't want to risk any trouble because your TM is being a dick. I would complain to HR.

Have you read the thread @Viviennemary? The OP has made it abundantly clear that she doesn't mind others ordering meat in a normal restaurant.

Most vegetarians eat at restaurants with meat eaters but wouldn't want to if there were no vegetarian dishes and they had to watch meat being carved at the table. Also, who want to just eat side salad?

I wouldn't go, nor to the racecourse. I'd probably go for a drink elsewhere beforehand- if I liked my colleagues, certainly not for dickhead team leaders benefit. Good on you standing your ground OP

Absolutely agree that if someone doesn’t want to attend because of their beliefs re meat eating, that their decision should be respected. But some on here are suggesting there’s an issue here as it’s not an inclusive restaurant - the only option being then that a vegetarian restaurant be booked to accommodate OP, but that’s not fair to people who would like to eat meat and dislike vegetarian options? Afraid the minority in this case have to compromise and eat the salad, and not expect the majority to go somewhere which doesn’t serve meat, otherwise the situation is still none inclusive.

Op has the right to say they don't want to go. Work colleagues have the right to say we don't want to change venue for one person. Company does not have the right to tell OP to take it as a day of leave if they book a place she simply cannot be in.

@Livelovebehappy , you might want to RTFT, or at least the OP's posts. There is no suggestion of her not attending a normal restaurant or forcing them to choose a vegetarian restaurant.

Totally with you OP. I’m also a veggie and would refuse to go to that sort of restaurant.

Theres a similar Brazilian chain in London where colleagues wanted to go once but I said I didn’t want to and we ended up going somewhere else and they were all fine about it.

I also opt out of betting on the grand national etc in work sweepstakes - I can’t bear horse racing for the same reasons as you. Theres no way I’d go to a day of horse racing.

Maybe say to your boss that you being vegetarian is “cultural” and you’ll need to speak to HR and see him start to sweat!

The OP has clearly said it’s just this restaurant which is nearly all meat and they bring round meat to carve at the table is the problem and she’d happily go to any other restaurant.

You sound like one of those meat eaters that takes offence that someone is vegetarian when it has no impact on you

You’re not being ridiculous at all. I would hate that. If there is no benefit worth your time to go (such as beneficial networking) take it to HR. It’s such an old fashioned view to think people’s dietary requirements aren’t important. I don’t eat meat and I would hate to go too.

I don't think the OP has said they have a problem with meat being served in a restaurant? So there's no need for a vegetarian restaurant only.
I've been to one of these type restaurants before, they're all you can eat meat constantly brought to your table on skewers and cut from there in front of you.
I'm not veggie, but I can understand why anyone who is wouldn't want a skewer of meat literally under their noses every five minutes as people kept waving for more of it brought!
There's surely more suitable restaurants.