Page 16 | I've caused WW3 at work - vegetarian

Lazykitten · 2024-04-06T07:42:29+00:00

I'm veggie. Nearly vegan but once in a blue moon eat cheese so don't refer to myself as that. We have a team meal booked. In theory it's for us plebs as a thank you for hitting targets. In reality it's to network with the big bosses who comes up to celebrate with us. Meal is booked in Manchester in the evening at a restaurant renowned for its meat. You don't order a meal, they just come round with sides of beef,lamb, pork etc every 5 minutes and carve at the table. I'm not going to eat this. Nor do I want to sit there surrounded by meat, its been so long since I've ate it the smell turns my stomach a little. Plus it's Manchester not exactly a small town so there was opportunity to book plenty of other nice restaurants. So I've said thank you but no thank you as I wouldn't enjoy it. Team manager says I'm being ridiculous. That there's a salad bar. And if I don't come I'll need to book the day off as leave. We've locked horns before as in the summer we had an event at a famous race course - one where there are often fatalities. I said I didn't want to go as I disagree with horse racing, he pushed me into it, so I went and felt awful. I'm not going this year so I'm going to have that battle coming up too. I'm not a confrontational person so this is really upsetting me. I just wanted to quietly decline but now it's blown up and everyone seems to have an opinion. Do you think I need to suck it up and go?

Isobel201 · 06/04/2024 18:09

Lazykitten · 06/04/2024 12:37

And the controversy continues... (apologies to the poster for the flippant WW3 reference)

In answer to a few queries:
Yes, the racing is at Aintree. Not the national but another race. I hadn't considered the gambling aspect. I work at a financial company and there's gambling aware posters everywhere!! It's a networking event with another company, but we both are owned by the same umbrella. 'Working partners' I believe is the term

I'm usually happy with any veggie options and tbf I don't expect the restaurant to offer much. It's the continuous carving and smell. Some one said up thread to sit at the end if the table - that wouldn't help. It's skewered and carved next to the individual. You get a slice then 4-5 mins later they come with a different joint and you get a slice of that. And so on it goes.

TBH I'm a meat eater, but I wouldn't enjoy joints of meat being constantly passed around me every few minutes. I'd just order one meat dish and that's it done.

Volpini · 06/04/2024 18:32

cremebrulait · 06/04/2024 11:33

All these food at work debates are challenging.

What frustrates me is that if you're a meat eater you are expected to accommodate anyone who is not but non-meat eaters are NOT expected to accommodate those who ARE meat eaters even when for valid cultural and/or medical reasons. Why is that?

I married a muslim and never ate pork around him. Never brought in the house but when he told me I wasn't allowed to eat it at all because he's muslim. Before that I was in a relationship with someone who didn't eat beef. In avoided beef, wound up in gastric agony every time i ate lentils, beans, soy, tempeh, tofu...

But then again non-meat eaters often disregard the dietary requirements of meat eaters. I need heme-iron. I have a rare bleeding disorder and struggle with anaemia. Meat does the trick! Especially red meat! And being that my mother is a Native American who grew up hunting Moose and fishing salmon - I do not see the problem with eating meat and salmon - they're part of nature and food cycle. What I disagree with is mass production of animals to be slaughtered inhumanely, ultra processed food, additive sand chemicals used to grow vegetables and fruits which destroy the nutrient value of the soil.

OP, if I was sitting at a table with you I would find your disgust of meat to be culturally offensive. Why don't you call the restaurant and tell them you are attending with a group even and want to find out what options you have ahead of time so as to not create a fuss on the day? Or look on their website? Like say here: https://fazenda.co.uk/blog/plant-based-south-american-flavour-meatless-menu

OP is not dictating anything about her colleagues‘ diet or that they be force fed mung beans and lentils and it is obtuse of you to make out she is. She isn’t dictating they don’t eat meat. The team can go anywhere that doesn’t serve carcass as the main event. There’s a whole range of restaurants in a city as huge and diverse as Manchester without picking somewhere this polarising. There’s literally nothing challenging about not taking a team to somewhere this niche unless the manager is a massive gammon cry-Baby with no imagination beyond forcing his team to his own favourite haunts on the company dollar.

Livelovebehappy · 06/04/2024 18:42

nightmareXmas · 06/04/2024 17:58

@Livelovebehappy , you might want to RTFT, or at least the OP's posts. There is no suggestion of her not attending a normal restaurant or forcing them to choose a vegetarian restaurant.

And if you read my thread again, you will see I didn’t suggest it was the OP. I said posters on here who were referencing OP should complain on the basis that the decision to eat at this specific restaurant was not inclusive….

Livelovebehappy · 06/04/2024 18:45

HermioneKipper · 06/04/2024 18:01

The OP has clearly said it’s just this restaurant which is nearly all meat and they bring round meat to carve at the table is the problem and she’d happily go to any other restaurant.

You sound like one of those meat eaters that takes offence that someone is vegetarian when it has no impact on you

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Another one who hasn’t read my post properly 🙄. I clearly said the OP has every right to not attend the restaurant. I said that some posters on here were suggesting that in light of the OP being vegetarian, that a vegetarian restaurant should have been booked.

CurlewKate · 06/04/2024 18:46

"I don’t think you need to suck this up, honestly; however, you should accept the consequences that this could impact the way people view you, ie, less of a “team player”"

I can't believe many of the posts on here. This one is particularly outrageous

Isabellivi · 06/04/2024 18:48

Wow I’m so sorry your personal boundaries aren’t being respected. However it’s your job and probably in your best interest to fill up on some food beforehand and just go. As for the horse racing this is just weird. I didn’t know people did this. In the USA people would not be treating you this way actually in many places you would be in the majority with your values.

Msmumm · 06/04/2024 18:57

If its Fazenda then its not just a 'salad bar'. It is a big buffet of vegetarian options, rices, pastas and salads. I eat meat but could have quite happily just had the 'salad bar' as it was amazing.
The people who booked it probably knew you would be well catered for.

EdithArtois · 06/04/2024 18:57

I would go and make a point of not eating anything and then when people ask why you aren’t eating I would tell them without making a fuss. Highlight how ridiculous this is for the entire time you are there.

CrispsandStEtienne · 06/04/2024 19:00

YABU. There will be a vegetarian option, there literally always is.

AlexiaH · 06/04/2024 19:00

No no and no! This boss is a dictator! Throwing his weight around and telling you what you can can’t do, eat etc. Beyond rude. He is discriminating you in the workplace and this has happened more than once now, I would put in a complaint because he is now singling you out and making you uncomfortable and he knows it! He sounds like one of those old school bosses with a prehistoric bully boy attitude like the ones that don’t believe in WFH. I recently turned down a team lunch that was sold to me as some fluffy team building waffle but it’s not my thing and we had to pay for ourselves! I go there to work not socialise. When declined I got the face and the sigh and flatly said, it was an invite and I declined there isn’t a problem. If it was compulsory you should have said so! Added nor am I prepared to go for lunch and spend a minimum of £25 for a meal just because. But 😂they know they can’t make things like that compulsory so 😂 it shuts the person up. He can’t force you to take annual leave. I have also turned down race days as I’m an ex horse owner and I too think it’s cruel and I’m not into gambling either. They no longer invite me and I LOVE THAT 👌🏻

AlexiaH · 06/04/2024 19:05

CurlewKate · 06/04/2024 18:46

"I don’t think you need to suck this up, honestly; however, you should accept the consequences that this could impact the way people view you, ie, less of a “team player”"

I can't believe many of the posts on here. This one is particularly outrageous

This is exactly why I want out of the office world and back into a trade things like YOu’ll be judges as less of a team player…..it’s such an outdated attitude in today’s world. Along with the burnout badge culture and the whole doing free overtime in hope of recognition etc. Nothing personal to you of course. I swerve a lot of this being remote which is a godsend!

penjil · 06/04/2024 19:06

They wouldn't make muslims go to a pork restaurant, would they? So I don't see why this is any different.

Stand you ground. Book the day as leave if necessary... although I don't see why, as the meal is on the evening after work.

Volpini · 06/04/2024 19:07

pensione · 06/04/2024 12:20

Also salted fries, sweet potato, feta cheese and mint, mushrooms, garlic and cream, a rice, onion and egg dish, padron peppers served with lemon mayonnaise, truffle and Parmesan fries, grilled broccoli, roasted peppers, roasted potatoes with alioli.

A real tapas feast. And all unlimited too.

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Lovely. OP can eat all of that in the equivalent of an abbatoir, whilst being splattered by the animal fat and bits of meat being carved around her.

Why not just go somewhere where there is a menu, that is prepared and served in a kitchen that meets everyone’s needs that everyone can be served and eat without having to sit in the middle of a meat carnival?

If it’s so fab, the manager/ individual team members can go and dismember all the animal parts they like to their heart‘s content on their own dime, in their own time, with people who it isn’t going to disgust.

This is supposed to be a thank you for hard work: pick somewhere that actually translates to ALL the team rather than dictating. She isn’t a fruitarian: there are 3.5 million vegetarians in the UK and even more people who don’t eat read meat. It’s a pretty out-there venue for a team dinner!

As for all those people telling OP that she needs to suck it up if she wants to get on, or vegetarians saying „I would go“ like she is the problem, this manager is a complete dinosaur and thankfully a dying breed! I work in finance, about as male and dominant environment as you can get and I am laughing at the very idea of any of this flying in a corporate environment in 2024!!! Where is all of your backbone? OP absolutely does NÖT need to do anything she doesn’t want to „to get on.“ The TL is literally out of their mind and it’s them with ever decreasing career opportunities if they keep this up! I know, because I’ve suffered male managers like this most of my career and I’m finally watching them disappearing before my very eyes.
Have none of you heard of managing up?!!! You can be polite, calm clear. You can say no thank you, with a smile. But you get what you tolerate.

Grim. So many people wilfully missing the point in here!!!

DisabledDemon · 06/04/2024 19:22

I don't understand how your manager can insist that you take a day's leave if you're not going to attend the meal. That makes no sense at all, particularly as the meal is in the evening.

Tell them that if you're surrounded by slabs of meat, you're likely to throw up at the table and would he like that?

Seriously though, it sounds like discrimination. I'm pretty sure that's frowned upon.

MrBojangles1983 · 06/04/2024 19:24

Lazykitten · 06/04/2024 08:50

No union, but a massive cooperate so good HR.

We had I&D training at the start of the year that mentioned work events, that even Christmas parties etc need to be inclusive so I did think of that (in relation to the horse racing). But the meal I wasn't sure about. As TM points out there's still salad bar, sides etc. But it's not really what I would eat, I just wouldn't like being there

Is it Fazenda by any chance? We had a team night out there and one of the group was Vegan an there was plenty of options for her to choose from off a separate menu

Zyq · 06/04/2024 19:31

MrBojangles1983 · 06/04/2024 19:24

Is it Fazenda by any chance? We had a team night out there and one of the group was Vegan an there was plenty of options for her to choose from off a separate menu

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You haven't read the OP's posts, have you?

RotundCheese · 06/04/2024 19:38

Don't book annual leave. Just don't go.

We frequently have after work meals/drinks - those attending will usually leave early, those not attending (because they have other appointments, caring responsibilities, or just because they don't want to) work their standard hours (although my boss is really good and usually tells those in my team who are not attending to clock off a bit early).

Peregrane · 06/04/2024 19:55

If I were you I would ask your manager to put all this into writing.
If he does, take it to HR.

vitahelp · 06/04/2024 19:57

If it’s Fazenda we all went with a vegan colleague and he ended up having a good night and found plenty to enjoy on the salad bar area. I understand your annoyance at that sort of venue being chosen out of everywhere in the city though.

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 06/04/2024 20:00

Even when I ate meat (I’m vegan now) I wouldn’t have wanted to have gone somewhere like this. Not my cup of tea at all, your manager is a bully. I wouldn’t force anyone to go to any social event, if they didn’t want to.

clairelouwho · 06/04/2024 20:10

CreditKarm · 06/04/2024 09:45

But if they chose a place with some good veggie options what would you do if everyone else still chose meat?

My sisters veggie and everytime we go for a family meal we make sure they have several things for her but 9 time sout of 10 everyone else gets a mixed grill.

So do you just avoid going to places that serve meat full stop?

If so I think it WBU to expect everyone to go to a veggie restaurant.

And if you wouldn't expect that how can you police what amount of meat people order?

Edited

I think you've missed the point completely.

OP isn't complaining about people eating meat.

Just that there's no veggie options-bar a salad bar-and the fact that the dead animals are carved at the table and the place smells heavily of meat.

What about that sounds appealing to a vegan/vegetarian?

Nothing.

She's not expecting them to choose a veggie restaurant, but bloody hell-they couldn't have made it any less appealing for a veggie if they tried, could they?

christinarossetti19 · 06/04/2024 20:10

Stick to your guns. You're going to go into work, stay for one drink and politely decline the invitation to the meal.

If your line manager tries to push it, ask HR their views on forcing an employee to take a day annual leave on an ordinary working day when they are intending to work.

Volpini · 06/04/2024 20:13

Lazykitten · 06/04/2024 14:27

I've just had a look at the wording in the reward package:

'A company paid for team night out at a date and venue of your choice'

Ask for £60 so you can go for a meal of your choice!!!! ;-)

Justpontificating · 06/04/2024 20:19

Volpini · 06/04/2024 19:07

Lovely. OP can eat all of that in the equivalent of an abbatoir, whilst being splattered by the animal fat and bits of meat being carved around her.

Why not just go somewhere where there is a menu, that is prepared and served in a kitchen that meets everyone’s needs that everyone can be served and eat without having to sit in the middle of a meat carnival?

If it’s so fab, the manager/ individual team members can go and dismember all the animal parts they like to their heart‘s content on their own dime, in their own time, with people who it isn’t going to disgust.

This is supposed to be a thank you for hard work: pick somewhere that actually translates to ALL the team rather than dictating. She isn’t a fruitarian: there are 3.5 million vegetarians in the UK and even more people who don’t eat read meat. It’s a pretty out-there venue for a team dinner!

As for all those people telling OP that she needs to suck it up if she wants to get on, or vegetarians saying „I would go“ like she is the problem, this manager is a complete dinosaur and thankfully a dying breed! I work in finance, about as male and dominant environment as you can get and I am laughing at the very idea of any of this flying in a corporate environment in 2024!!! Where is all of your backbone? OP absolutely does NÖT need to do anything she doesn’t want to „to get on.“ The TL is literally out of their mind and it’s them with ever decreasing career opportunities if they keep this up! I know, because I’ve suffered male managers like this most of my career and I’m finally watching them disappearing before my very eyes.
Have none of you heard of managing up?!!! You can be polite, calm clear. You can say no thank you, with a smile. But you get what you tolerate.

Grim. So many people wilfully missing the point in here!!!

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I love your refreshingly frank post. 👏👏👏👏

Gonners · 06/04/2024 20:22

@Lazykitten

I've just had a look at the wording in the reward package: 'A company paid for team night out at a date and venue of your choice'

Curiously, I don't see the alternative "reward" listed as working a full day while being obliged to pretend you were on leave that day. Perhaps they should add that?