I feel like my daughters dance school is inappropriate

[grossedouteurgh]

Got back this evening from my daughter's dance school performance at the local arts center and was horrified.

Prefacing this by saying I have had a few issues in the past with what I feel is money grabbing (introduced a charge of £20 recently to drop kids off in the car park. Their studio is on an industrial estate - why?!! This only serves to put safety at risks/makes money).

Also feel they have such a feeling of superiority and favouritism at the school which I don't think is healthy to foster in teens and pre teens.

Anyway, got home this evening from the Easter dance show and literally feel sick. I've seen more clothes on moulin rouge dancers and the way they had them gyrating over the stage is just gross. I filmed some of it because it genuinely felt like a strip club, and if that was my daughter I'd be horrified (she's still in a class below).

I obviously won't share but we're talking flash dance style, suspenders, gyrating... from 15/16/17 y olds.

It made me feel so awful.

I guess the parents in this situation are brainwashed by the school and it's a step to the next thing?

What can I do? I don't want to let this lie.

It's grim but very typical for these type of dance schools in my experience.

I knew it was going to be Chicago, my son has been at dance/ musical theatre school for 10 years and every time they did Chicago I used to wince a bit. If everything else was ok I wouldn’t panic too much but it sounds like you have lost trust in the whole enterprise. Move her elsewhere there are loads of grea5 schools.

You are absolutely right. There are literally hundreds vids on YouTube where idiotic parents boast about their kids' achievements in Latin dancing - which is vulgar, bordering on obscene - just like you described it. I had to avert my eyes and quickly close the tab, could not see kids gyrating in that way, in those clothes. If a child is super-mobile, there are other types of dancing - like classical waltzes, foxtrots - not out of place in a decent ballroom, etc. Just make them stay away from the original Latin horrors - like the tango, which originated in the bordellos and that is why it is danced that way.

Is there no other club she can join elsewhere?

Absolutely agreed.

And yet you won't pull your daughter from this club, despite knowing it's her that will be dancing like that next year. You filmed it because it was like a strip club - what exactly are you intending to do with the footage? Out it to the local newspaper?

Why are you going to see strippers in Vegas? *misses point of thread.

Well actually haven't missed point. Withdraw your daughter if you disagree with them doing routines from Chicago in character.

There are so many dance clubs (and gymnastics weirdly) that are like this and as far as I can see - they are just a recipe for disaster. My friends daughter is 7 and the costumes that she is put in are frankly alarming. And while the teachers and chaperones are safe and in the main dbs checked - there is nothing to stop any Tom dick or Harry coming to see these shows.

The amount of body image issues that also comes out of these classes does also alarm me.

As the mum.of a 16 yr old dancer I have a really significant amount of experience of shows. Once over 16 and out of year 11 they do not come under safeguarding in the same way. Dd did 1st show at christmas at 16 , no licence for Performing, had to be in the " adult" 16 to18 dressing room . No consent from me , yes this correct they were inspected by the council during the show and passed with flying colours. It thengirls.are this age you can't really do much unfortunately. My daughters school does do the odd raunchy dance move at her age BUT costumes are not revealing and the burlesque type routine had full sleeves and neck to hip fully covered in velvet and lace. Her dance teacher is careful on routines and costumes so they are age appropriate and make up.and tan are used but to look natural, under lights only.Tan is pale gold. No vidoea alowed of shows onky fhe official one. It is a good school , doesn't do competitions just focus on good ballet, tap and modern traing, dance exams and sends pupils often to RBS amongst others. I'd look for an alternative maybe more classic school if you are uncomfortable. Dance is an amazing confidence booster and friendship source when done well.

I’ve actually been thinking the same about dance/cheer for a while and am relieved to see I’m not the only one! I did dance as a teen and now have realised maybe this is why my mum was so reluctant 😄 that plus I was fat so would never be one of the chosen favourites.

Presumably, the other parents are happy with it otherwise their kids wouldn't be there.

You have only one course of action if you disapprove and that is to remove your DD.

If you try to "report it" (to whom?) or "escalate it" (how?) you will be regarded as batshit crazy.

You can only do the right thing for your daughter. It's up to the other parents what they do. If you want to you could tell the owner how you feel when you explain why your girl is leaving

I would certainly be reporting the making and selling of a DVD featuring underage children doing sexualised dances in adult lingerie to the local LADO/MASH. Just because it is ‘art’ doesn’t make it ok. I’m a sports coach and we (rightly) don’t permit any photography at races as our athletes are wearing tight clothing - although nowhere near as revealing as the costumes described here.

The blasé attitude to safeguarding on this thread is appalling but maybe dance parents are like all too many gymnastics parents: complicit in the abuse of their own children.

100% this. My DD has danced since 5 and is nearly 18 and doing it as a future job hopefully. She even teaches younger students. The hours and pain she's put in for an art form she adores is huge. Technique is a hard earned skill and whilst some routines have a more adult theme, safeguarding is still present and it’s very very sad that adults look on it and suggest it’s grooming. It’s certainly sad that it’s always girls that are judged like this and really the judgement comes from adults upholding girls to being responsible for the urges of men.

Take her out! Tell the dance school why.

I’ve been given free tickets to a couple of dance school shows in a local theatre where the older girls were in very inappropriate costumes so I made sure not to put my daughter in that dance school.

When my DD was quite small, she did Girls Brigade and after attending a couple of their displays and having bum cheeks of teenagers and young women wearing too small skirts with modesty knickers that were doing nothing for their modesty, waving in our faces…well we were happy not to encourage any more Girls Brigade!

We have had official DVDs but I guess once a DVD is out there it can go anywhere. I never a little worried about this as once out there it isn't coming back from the internet potentially.

It's about maybe school bullying as well if you have videos of your daughters kicking around the world wide web.

Some time ago my primary aged DCs’ friend’s mum told us her DD was upset because she was marked down or reprimanded by her dance teacher when her bun came loose. The mum was a bit upset because obviously she’d done her DD’s hair for the class. When I expressed surprise it was so strict she said it was part of the rules.
So we’re conditioning girls to conform into being marked on their appearance? And the parents are accepting and paying for this? No thanks.

This kind of response is so facile. It’s a discussion. What about the girls left in the class? Is it not ok to care about them? To debate the message we are giving our daughters? ‘Problem solved’ 🙄

Leave the other parents to decide for themselves. They don't want to be dancing to nursery rhymes

I am sorry you lack the imagination to see that there could possibly be something in between Chicago-style dances and nursery rhymes!

Which examining body does the school use, and what professional qualifications do the teachers have? You can report anything inappropriate to them.

My daughter did dance and musicals at school and now at university. They have done all sorts of numbers including Chicago. They have never worn this stuff and always skirts, shorts or leggings. And looked fab and appropriate.

Some of her group are assertive girls who would put their foot down at being told to wear sexy clothes and would probably say, ‘only if the boys do’.

The kinds of dance schools mentioned here sound pretty dated really, if nothing else. There are creative ways to portray strong ‘beautiful’ women without having to resort to 70s lingerie.

My daughter's dance school was like this - luckily we moved house so she left 😅 From the dance festivals she took part in, I thought it was normal. Changing room full of 11yos practising their slut drops etc.

You are in a predicament here - if your DD has a wide friendship circle there she will probably be very distressed of you stop her going but I totally agree with you that the costumes you are discussing are not appropriate at her age.

when DD was 14 or thereabouts her 60 yo singing teacher wanted her to sing 'I'm just a girl who can't say no' at the school concert accompanied by coy finger to lip gestures and eye lash fluttering. That's obviously extremely tame compared to what you are describing but even so. That wasn't the sort of message I wanted my Gen Z daughter receiving or sending out. A full and frank exchange of emails followed and I think she sang something from Phantom instead.

@grossedouteurgh You filmed other people’s underage children, dressed up and dancing provocatively?

You do realise that you made yourself the safeguarding concern?!

Dance and cheer are two very different things.