I feel like my daughters dance school is inappropriate

[grossedouteurgh]

Got back this evening from my daughter's dance school performance at the local arts center and was horrified.

Prefacing this by saying I have had a few issues in the past with what I feel is money grabbing (introduced a charge of £20 recently to drop kids off in the car park. Their studio is on an industrial estate - why?!! This only serves to put safety at risks/makes money).

Also feel they have such a feeling of superiority and favouritism at the school which I don't think is healthy to foster in teens and pre teens.

Anyway, got home this evening from the Easter dance show and literally feel sick. I've seen more clothes on moulin rouge dancers and the way they had them gyrating over the stage is just gross. I filmed some of it because it genuinely felt like a strip club, and if that was my daughter I'd be horrified (she's still in a class below).

I obviously won't share but we're talking flash dance style, suspenders, gyrating... from 15/16/17 y olds.

It made me feel so awful.

I guess the parents in this situation are brainwashed by the school and it's a step to the next thing?

What can I do? I don't want to let this lie.

I think she means she’ll take her daughter out but its not enough to leave the dance class to continue as is. The op (correct me if i am wrong) wants advice who to approach to assess the dance class.

Oh god there is always a Chicago number with poor awkward teenage girls in fishnets. I cannot believe they’re still doing it. Dance schools are SO weird.

Im glad you are pulling her out now. You are the leader of your family and your kids feelings about the school although valid should not dictate next action especially if there is a safeguarding concern. Your daughter might rail against the decision but she’ll recover as long as you are sturdy and validate her feelings. It will feel like a huge loss to her especially as it sounds like she has internalised some of the toxic messaging from the school and its superiority. This can’t stop you from doing what’s right for her. I don’t know anything about dance schools but where is the accountability given they are responsible for children? Do care inspectorate visit them? There must be some sort of QA process?

@saltinesandcoffeecups Who cares what reference she used?

I'd pull her out OP

Leaving aside the inappropriateness of the costumes and dancing, I can't believe the brass neck of charging 20 quid for drop offs. Is it actually legal? If it is it bloody shouldn't be!!

Maybe look for a street dance class instead. My DD has been going since she was 2 years old. They wear joggers and T-shirts. The message from the teacher is that they should never seek approval from anyone else - they don't have to do shows, exams or competitions, they just dance for fun and exercise.
Teaching teens to show off their bodies for titillation is wrong.

I think the whole having to wear make up, fake tan etc is vile. I was told they have to wear make up for exams!

DD stopped years ago and I was v relieved having seen what was to come!

There is a difference between them filming (they will know, for example, if any of the children are not allowed to be filmed) and you specifically filming a "sexy routine" that your daughter isn't even IN!

Like you come across as creepy af just for that

"Omf these girls aren't wearing much and are sexy dancing to Chicago... better get my phone out and film them"

Went to show at very posh cathedral-connected private school and could not believe the sight of early teenage girls in skimpy gear gyrating their hips. What is that about?

I remember my DD's primary school where their Christmas show always included the girls wearing next to nothing - hoola girls etc. - and wiggling their hips. No-one seemed bothered. Just me.

Sp if they are doing dances from musicals they will be copying those dances and costumes. They are quite sexualised agree but fairly normal

Why dont you speak to the teacher and say you were concerned about the costumes being so sexualised?

There is nothing wrong with being on an industrial estate how does that make it unsafe?

If you don't like it find an alternative

And whilst I always cringe a bit seeing how some of the girls dress when family show their dance pics off...

There's also an uncomfortable level of "slut shaming" and policing women's bodies that's starting to come through on here.

You’re asking where to report this to, so that you can “protect other young girls” but you’re keeping your daughter at it?

Most dance places will be like this, it’s gross but it’s not against the law, remove your daughter and tell the company why. Job done.

You have made the first step and withdrawn your DD which I agree with.

Second step should be to tell the dance school why you have done so.

Thoughts that probably would not work but a 1% chance:

• It would be hard to argue that the performance you describe is adult entertainment, though if you could, the arts centre might not want to host it again.
• Or you could argue for an age restriction or warning, if what you describe is accurate, a film of such would at least be a 12 certificate.
• Is it a safeguarding issue? The car park charge you could argue is, albeit indirectly.
• Is there a professional body or exam board the school uses, who could be approached?

Going to the local press or tv I think would identify your DD and they could get nasty comments.

The thing is, it potentially IS against the law, especially if a DVD is being made and sold. Video and photographs of skimpily dressed children in sexualised poses and dances could be classed as category C CSAM.

@saltinesandcoffeecups I was 13 when Flashdance came out, I'm 54 now. I have a 13 year old DD (and also a 12 year old DD but she died). So it's more than possible to have children younger than adults and still remember Flashdance.

If they are above 16 they can consent, 16 is the age of consent in UK, not 18. In any event, teen girls often enjoy dressing in skimpy clothes and flaunting their bodies. I argued with my dad non-stop in the 90s about whether leaving the house in a miniskirt and strip of top that covered my boobs was acceptable. I also performed in dance/theatre things and took any opportunity I could to perform an objectified version of ‘sexy’. Is it indicative of a wider culture that fetishises young boded and is sexist and pornified? Yes. Is it a safeguarding issue in and of itself, I’d say not. I mean, of course, if there has been coercion or if there are other signs of grooming that’s a different matter. Ultimately if it bothered you as much as you say here you’d obviously withdraw your daughter or at the very least complain.

You missed the person videoing it as well as part of the dvd being dodgy - this is all escalating rather quickly, why on earth OP isn't pulling her dd straight out at all this?!
🙄

I really highly doubt that it’s against the law. The recordings will be for family and parents have consented to the participation.

Who in their right mind would even pay that?! 😂
You'd be like "ehh?! Get lost" 😁

Re the parking on the estate etc I would look up who the managing agent of the estate is and write to them. There may well be bylaws regarding access they are breaking here.

Re the dance/clothes etc only you can decide that.

You have to be clever and maybe try to find a way that your daughter will actively want to find another dance school. Maybe somehow get her interested in ballet (possibly too old now?) or something with a bit of "glamour" attached to it?

In terms of reporting I'd look at whatever official dance body the school is part of, or a local newspaper?

Ew?? What sort of dance schools are these?

I was at dance school for 10+ years and didn’t have this. But if it’s sort of just street dance rather than go into specialities, then teachers might just modify their adult routines. Or do something music video esq.

I don’t think Chicago is appropriate for children to perform, at least all the songs about prostitution.

Report to safeguarding at the local council

From what I see on FB of friends kids that dance I'd say this is standard. It's grim and I don't know why parents go along with it.