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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel like my daughters dance school is inappropriate

312 replies

grossedouteurgh · 05/04/2024 23:48

Got back this evening from my daughter's dance school performance at the local arts center and was horrified.

Prefacing this by saying I have had a few issues in the past with what I feel is money grabbing (introduced a charge of £20 recently to drop kids off in the car park. Their studio is on an industrial estate - why?!! This only serves to put safety at risks/makes money).

Also feel they have such a feeling of superiority and favouritism at the school which I don't think is healthy to foster in teens and pre teens.

Anyway, got home this evening from the Easter dance show and literally feel sick. I've seen more clothes on moulin rouge dancers and the way they had them gyrating over the stage is just gross. I filmed some of it because it genuinely felt like a strip club, and if that was my daughter I'd be horrified (she's still in a class below).

I obviously won't share but we're talking flash dance style, suspenders, gyrating... from 15/16/17 y olds.

It made me feel so awful.

I guess the parents in this situation are brainwashed by the school and it's a step to the next thing?

What can I do? I don't want to let this lie.

OP posts:
CountFucula · 05/04/2024 23:51

Yup. They are always like that. Don’t send your kids - they make them dress up like Lolita and cover them in hairspray. Weird.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/04/2024 23:52

Put her in a different club. Sorted.

Catsmere · 05/04/2024 23:52

I'd get her out of there immediately.

Countrygirlxo · 05/04/2024 23:53

Take your child out. I never wore make up or fake tan in my dance classes at that age, now they're caked in it.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 05/04/2024 23:53

I think you went a bit overboard with the flash dance reference…

If that is what your frame of reference is, then your children are grown ass adults

ButterflyKu · 05/04/2024 23:54

Move to another club asap

LovePoppy · 05/04/2024 23:54

If you don’t like it, leave.

I doubt they will change the dances for you

Original poster
grossedouteurgh · 05/04/2024 23:56

You can know what flash dance is and be in your mid thirties?

I don't feel like it's enough to pull my daughter out though - how can I report this/escalate it? I feel there's so many vulnerable girls here on a stage with no clothes on, dressed up as art/dance and it's not right.

I say this as someone who spent their teens dancing. I never felt taken advantage of.

OP posts:
Foxesandsquirrels · 05/04/2024 23:59

It really depends on the dance school. You vote with your feet in this instance. I found schools in outside London, esp home counties seemed to be especially bad with this. Esp schools that compete in DFR.... For some reason they've taken a very American pageant type style.
My DDs dance school in London was never like this and still isn't. I do think the type of dance styles on offer really do tell you a lot about how the school will be. Schools market themselves heavily on social media too, so it's unlikely you wouldn't have seen pics from previous shows tbh.

BettyShagter · 06/04/2024 00:04

grossedouteurgh · 05/04/2024 23:56

You can know what flash dance is and be in your mid thirties?

I don't feel like it's enough to pull my daughter out though - how can I report this/escalate it? I feel there's so many vulnerable girls here on a stage with no clothes on, dressed up as art/dance and it's not right.

I say this as someone who spent their teens dancing. I never felt taken advantage of.

Gyrating in suspenders aged from just 15

You genuinely felt it was like a strip club

And yet you don't feel like it's enough to pull your daughter out???

Fucking hell.

Original poster
grossedouteurgh · 06/04/2024 00:04

Foxesandsquirrels · 05/04/2024 23:59

It really depends on the dance school. You vote with your feet in this instance. I found schools in outside London, esp home counties seemed to be especially bad with this. Esp schools that compete in DFR.... For some reason they've taken a very American pageant type style.
My DDs dance school in London was never like this and still isn't. I do think the type of dance styles on offer really do tell you a lot about how the school will be. Schools market themselves heavily on social media too, so it's unlikely you wouldn't have seen pics from previous shows tbh.

She's been at this school three years but this is the worst I've seen it. The girls were wearing suspenders and I guess underwear (or what looked like underwear) for a Chicago number. I get that this is in keeping with the musical but they're all under 18 so can't consent to it themselves. I've seen strippers wear more in Las Vegas

I just think if there were nefarious people in the theatre - yuck. That's my daughter in a couple of years (and other people's daughters right now)

OP posts:
BettyShagter · 06/04/2024 00:06

grossedouteurgh · 06/04/2024 00:04

She's been at this school three years but this is the worst I've seen it. The girls were wearing suspenders and I guess underwear (or what looked like underwear) for a Chicago number. I get that this is in keeping with the musical but they're all under 18 so can't consent to it themselves. I've seen strippers wear more in Las Vegas

I just think if there were nefarious people in the theatre - yuck. That's my daughter in a couple of years (and other people's daughters right now)

Show quote history

That's my daughter in a couple of years

You must be so errrm....proud of your parenting?

Original poster
grossedouteurgh · 06/04/2024 00:07

@BettyShagter it's an otherwise well thought of dance school, they offer dance a levels and gcses etc. My daughter has a big social group their and she's had a shit couple of years so I haven't wanted to pull her away from that hence my post this evening

OP posts:
RandomButtons · 06/04/2024 00:07

So move her. Problem solved.

MrsBobtonTrent · 06/04/2024 00:07

You’re not wrong. It’s grim. We pulled DD out of dance when she was 6 as we went to a school show and saw what was coming. DH said it was like a creepy tv show that used to have kids lip synching to adult pop songs and gyrating. And it’s so common in dance schools. We’ll look back on this era in 30 years and think WTF? It should be a healthy and sociable hobby.

Original poster
grossedouteurgh · 06/04/2024 00:08

@RandomButtons I co parent, need to put together a case - it's not as easy as just pulling her out which is why I wanted to hear thoughts and experiences

OP posts:
BettyShagter · 06/04/2024 00:09

grossedouteurgh · 06/04/2024 00:07

@BettyShagter it's an otherwise well thought of dance school, they offer dance a levels and gcses etc. My daughter has a big social group their and she's had a shit couple of years so I haven't wanted to pull her away from that hence my post this evening

Well you bloody well should otherwise this thread is a complete nonsense.

They're not going to change just because you've started a thread on Mumsnet.

If this is what you want for your daughter then you'll have to own your choice.

fashionqueen1183 · 06/04/2024 00:10

How can they charge you money for entering an industrial estate?!

Wantitnicearoundme · 06/04/2024 00:12

@saltinesandcoffeecups I know Flashdance v well…I’m 46, Dd is 6…have you never heard of women having children at different ages? Also my sister is late 30’s and also knows the film well

CherrySocks · 06/04/2024 00:12

Why don't you get together with some of the other parents and complain about the inappropriateness.

UneFoisAuChalet · 06/04/2024 00:12

When I was in year 5 - like 1988, my dance class did this gyrating dance to Prince’s Raspberry Beret. I’ll never forget my mother’s face in the front row. I was wearing the leotard and leg warmers from ‘Let’s get fit girl’ and I had no clue as to what the lyrics meant.

Needless to say, I never did jazz ballet again.

Original poster
grossedouteurgh · 06/04/2024 00:12

@BettyShagter i would like to know if there's something i can do to protect other young girls from this, if there's a place to report. Because we know how to report straight up abuse but how can we flag dance school grooming?

OP posts:
Original poster
grossedouteurgh · 06/04/2024 00:13

fashionqueen1183 · 06/04/2024 00:10

How can they charge you money for entering an industrial estate?!

Quite: they put up cones on the road to force parents to pay

OP posts:
dipsytipsy · 06/04/2024 00:14

You can escalate it but unless the other parents don't feel uncomfortable with this there's not much you can do other than pull your dd out!

sunflowerdaisyrose · 06/04/2024 00:15

I totally understand. My daughter's dance school is amazing and is nothing like this. I've seen friends' daughters with their ridiculous make up, skimpy clothes and too mature dances from young ages and HATE it. My daughter trains at a dance school that doesn't even have a Facebook page, make up for shows is natural and costumes are age appropriate. I'd personally look for alternatives, or at least raise it with them you were uncomfortable.