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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel like my daughters dance school is inappropriate

312 replies

grossedouteurgh · 05/04/2024 23:48

Got back this evening from my daughter's dance school performance at the local arts center and was horrified.

Prefacing this by saying I have had a few issues in the past with what I feel is money grabbing (introduced a charge of £20 recently to drop kids off in the car park. Their studio is on an industrial estate - why?!! This only serves to put safety at risks/makes money).

Also feel they have such a feeling of superiority and favouritism at the school which I don't think is healthy to foster in teens and pre teens.

Anyway, got home this evening from the Easter dance show and literally feel sick. I've seen more clothes on moulin rouge dancers and the way they had them gyrating over the stage is just gross. I filmed some of it because it genuinely felt like a strip club, and if that was my daughter I'd be horrified (she's still in a class below).

I obviously won't share but we're talking flash dance style, suspenders, gyrating... from 15/16/17 y olds.

It made me feel so awful.

I guess the parents in this situation are brainwashed by the school and it's a step to the next thing?

What can I do? I don't want to let this lie.

OP posts:
Trixiefirecracker · 06/04/2024 08:20

You want to flag the dance school for grooming but do not want to pull your child out? Mind blown.

Arrestedmanevolence · 06/04/2024 08:21

Oh and the concert DD went to had one slot for a girl with ASC who had been having independent lessons. But in the program it was put "xxx performing yy, has special needs" as they were clearly embarrassed by the girl. It was awful!

PerfectTravelTote · 06/04/2024 08:25

Is a dance class. Not a cult.
Take her out and enroll her elsewhere.

BirthdayRainbow · 06/04/2024 08:25

Why don't you feel it is enough to pull her out?

RazzberryGem · 06/04/2024 08:26

I pulled my daughter out of a dance class for this sort of reason. It seemed great until she was in and it all just started to look a bit dodgy 😬

Original poster
grossedouteurgh · 06/04/2024 08:29

Arrestedmanevolence · 06/04/2024 08:21

Oh and the concert DD went to had one slot for a girl with ASC who had been having independent lessons. But in the program it was put "xxx performing yy, has special needs" as they were clearly embarrassed by the girl. It was awful!

That's disgusting. Why are so many dance schools like this?!

OP posts:
Bumdrops · 06/04/2024 08:31

I think it’s the norm -
dance / drama schools /clubs are a business and the owners need / want to make money alongside giving the opportunity to the kids so there is always requests for paying for that / that and the other - it a business !!

the favouritism etc totally see that as the norm

Chicago / moulin rouge - that is the world of performance - they use the school / teen editions as opposed to the adult versions so there is a bit of toning it down, but ultimately dance / drama you are judged on your body / appearance / physical abilities …. Not an ideal world for rounded self esteem, but it is what it is !

Ledci · 06/04/2024 08:31

Let me get this straight:
You say they wear inappropriate clothing, sexulise everything, grooming the children yet all you are doing is moaning about it on here and continuing to allow your daughter to attend?! To a place you have specifically made claims of grooming against.....
I think you need to take a check of your senses.

BaconCozzers · 06/04/2024 08:32

RJnomore1 · 06/04/2024 00:27

Dance is fucking awful. Also so many women living vicariously.

send your daughters to martial arts is my best advice.

My DD does dance AND karate...
Op her dance school is nothing like this, you won't get yours to change so just move her to a better school.

Rowgtfc72 · 06/04/2024 08:32

Dd did dance from age 2 to 8. We avoided comps because I didn't like the hairspray, fake tan, skimpy costume culture. She still had fun.
She entered one local unaffiliated comp just to see. I dressed her in a plain black skirted leotard and nipped to the loo. Came back to find her dressed as a showgirl. A parent, kindly, had lent her a costume so she looked like the other girls. I may have mentioned the word hooker, she certainly had less clothes on than one. She came first beating girls twice her age, got a nice trophy and we never did it again.
We did get to meet local boy Kevin Clifton though.
Dance shows were normal costumes and printed t shirts. It was just comps that were over the top.
Unfortunately if the shows costumes are skimpy they're skimpy. Your dd either does it or you pull her out. You have the choice.

Gettingbysomehow · 06/04/2024 08:34

grossedouteurgh · 05/04/2024 23:56

You can know what flash dance is and be in your mid thirties?

I don't feel like it's enough to pull my daughter out though - how can I report this/escalate it? I feel there's so many vulnerable girls here on a stage with no clothes on, dressed up as art/dance and it's not right.

I say this as someone who spent their teens dancing. I never felt taken advantage of.

What? They've had reruns of flashdance on TV loads of times. You can't miss it.
I always turn it off can't stand it.

Mrsjayy · 06/04/2024 08:35

grossedouteurgh · 05/04/2024 23:56

You can know what flash dance is and be in your mid thirties?

I don't feel like it's enough to pull my daughter out though - how can I report this/escalate it? I feel there's so many vulnerable girls here on a stage with no clothes on, dressed up as art/dance and it's not right.

I say this as someone who spent their teens dancing. I never felt taken advantage of.

You can't report it you are being ridiculous wanting to report just take her out and find something that is more acceptable and appropriate to you.

JacksonAverysEyes · 06/04/2024 08:35

saltinesandcoffeecups · 05/04/2024 23:53

I think you went a bit overboard with the flash dance reference…

If that is what your frame of reference is, then your children are grown ass adults

Nonsense. I’m late forties with a 7 year old and I could easily refer to Flashdance!

user1492757084 · 06/04/2024 08:36

Love Flashdance!

SoupDragon · 06/04/2024 08:41

CountFucula · 05/04/2024 23:51

Yup. They are always like that. Don’t send your kids - they make them dress up like Lolita and cover them in hairspray. Weird.

They definitely aren't always like that.

MrsPerfect12 · 06/04/2024 08:41

Are you thinking about what pulling your daughter out the school will do to her? It's a really difficult age for leaving established friendships and something she loves. It's not easy moving dance schools at that age and starting again with friendships.

If she leaves the current dance school those friendships will naturally fall away.

ButterCrackers · 06/04/2024 08:44

MrsPerfect12 · 06/04/2024 08:41

Are you thinking about what pulling your daughter out the school will do to her? It's a really difficult age for leaving established friendships and something she loves. It's not easy moving dance schools at that age and starting again with friendships.

If she leaves the current dance school those friendships will naturally fall away.

Edited

The child can form other friendships at a better dance school.

Isabellivi · 06/04/2024 08:49

Just get her out. Normal doesn’t mean you should violate your own values

Original poster
grossedouteurgh · 06/04/2024 08:49

Ledci · 06/04/2024 08:31

Let me get this straight:
You say they wear inappropriate clothing, sexulise everything, grooming the children yet all you are doing is moaning about it on here and continuing to allow your daughter to attend?! To a place you have specifically made claims of grooming against.....
I think you need to take a check of your senses.

I've repeatedly said I'm pulling her out?

OP posts:
ginnybag · 06/04/2024 08:53

Not all dance schools are like this but a lot of the commercial comp focused ones are.

I've seen the type of thing you're talking about - and, yes, it's horrifying - from another local dance school. 11 year old's slutdropping and shaking their backsides to the audience while bent over, dressed in crop tops and booty shorts and fake tan to Rihanna's S&M and Timber while out in public.

Fortunately, my DD's dance school was as shocked I was and is permanently paranoid about the suitability of songs and material.

You won't change the ethos of the school, so either move her, brace to pull her out of shows or accept that in a year or two... that'll be her.

Pickledf · 06/04/2024 08:54

Well it’s not just the dance school you need to worry about. I did the Chicago dance, in full outfit, using the chairs as a prop in school for GCSEs! Although we were all warned before hand to not wear stringy vests because it was distracting to the male teachers Blush this was about 8 years ago

Tryingtohelp12 · 06/04/2024 08:55

Weirdly enough I was saying to my husband the other day dance schools (where I live anyway) seem to be either tradition (focused on ballet/tap and completing grades) or modern (focussed on street/ contemporary etc focused on competitions). The modern schools seem far more adult and sexualise young children in the dance/ costumes.

Misthios · 06/04/2024 09:04

CountFucula · 05/04/2024 23:51

Yup. They are always like that. Don’t send your kids - they make them dress up like Lolita and cover them in hairspray. Weird.

they're not all like that though. You just have to find the right school/club. DD went to a dance school which had them dressed appropriately, did not allow make-up for younger girls, didn't use inappropriate moves/music. No exams, just a yearly show which the kids practiced for. It was low key, with the emphasis on fun and fitness rather than perfection.

When I was looking first for dancing classes though I did come across some which were ridiculously strict about costume and hair, or made a huge thing about dance exams or competing against other dancers. She was FOUR. Dancing is a weird old world and if you are in a smaller town with one option, that's difficult. I took DD to a further away dance school which suited us.

Augustone · 06/04/2024 09:05

Remove her immediately . Is the teacher a member of any of the dance associations ? I’m not sure what they could do but you could raise your concerns with them?

DanceMumTaxi · 06/04/2024 09:07

Hmmm, I can see why you wouldn’t have liked this, but it was a musical theatre number. The film version has a 12 certificate rating and it sounds like they just wore a costume that’s appropriate for the musical. I obviously didn’t see the routine, so can’t really comment on how sexual it was. But, at this age they’re likely starting to prepare the girls for dance colleges/uni and doing a variety of musical theatre numbers will be needed. Chicago is Fosse so a well known dance style that the dance school are giving the girls experience of doing. Possibly it was a poor choice given the ones at the younger end of the ages, but I can see why they did it. My dd dances, she’s much younger than 15, but does wear costumes that involve leotards, jazz knickers etc. They’re either quite cute/funny or they’re really pretty (like her lyrical one). Lots of sports wear very little such as gymnastics, swimming, diving. So I don’t think the ‘lack of clothing’ is necessarily a problem. The charging for drop off/pick up is absolutely crackers though.