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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be concerned that my 10 year old is too childlike

165 replies

SamVussain · 05/04/2024 22:41

DD is 10 this month.
She's always had a vivid imagination but just recently I've started to develop little concerns about how childlike she is in her imagination.
She plays with her huge collection of soft cuddly toys, and dolls that look like little girls, like 12 inch dolls.
Every cuddly toy has a name and every doll has a name which she puts great effortin to choosing.
They are all looked after by her every day - woken up in the morning, dolls hair brushed and styled, dressed up in dolls clothes, all placed in to positions in the lounge - she'll sit them all in a line and then teach them or read to them, or she positions them in her bedroom. She tells me all about what kind of a day they're having, about what they're going to be doing. Then she gets on with her own day and in the evening she puts them all very carefully to bed and then tells me all about their day.
She talks about all her dolls and all her cuddly soft toys as though they are real.
She's 10 later this month and her entire birthday present wish list is cuddly toys in various different characters.
She has a good amount of friends, is popular at school and I arrange lots of playdates for her friends to come to ours, and she gets lots of invites back.
Her main play when friends come over is imaginative role play, where they invent scripts and play make believe characters. DD loves to play like this.
She's a lovely girl, a lovely personality.
Gentle, imaginative, cheerful, characterful.
But I've noticed her peers are starting to get much more grown up, they have mobile phones and most definitely aren't playing with dolls and cuddly toys anymore!
Is my DD unusual to be so in to dolls and soft toys at 10, and to treat them and talk about them as though they are real, with real feelings?
I said something the other day about a soft toy looking dirty and needing a wash, and she said "Ssshhh! Mummy! Shush! He will hear you! Don't hurt his feelings!!!!"

OP posts:
Sparksi · 05/04/2024 22:43

She is 9. A child. With age appropriate play and behaviour from what you’ve described. YABVU.

stayathomer · 05/04/2024 22:45

I’m laughing a little reading this as was talking to some mums at the school gates the other day. There were three of us and it turned out at the pt meeting all of us had asked were our 9/10 year olds too immature and child like!! (Ds9 runs/jumps/skips and sings). She told us all not at all and not to worry. I’d say in the next two years you’ll possibly have to edge her out of some of it, but hopefully she never loses all of her wonder and imagination and excitement

LittleBearPad · 05/04/2024 22:46

Don’t rush her to grow up. She sounds lovely.

78Summer · 05/04/2024 22:47

She sounds wonderful and imaginative. I was similar with my toys. Kids mature at different stages and it’s not a race.

Doingmybest12 · 05/04/2024 22:48

I don't think that it's too child like, it sounds like you feel it's intense and too much and just feels out of step with her peers. I think you just have to see how it develops and if it starts causing her other issues socially. It currently sounds like it's fun and her friends join in but I don't think you are wrong to notice it.

CuriositysCat · 05/04/2024 22:49

Your daughter sounds delightful. I would definitely prefer this over YouTube/phone obsessed girls I know. My 10 yo DD loves Sylvanian Families and cuddly toys and I am happy with this, although I know that it probably won’t last much longer.

Mishmashs · 05/04/2024 22:50

She sounds lovely, great imagination. Don’t rush her to grow up, in 3 years time it’ll all be phones and boys etc! My 9.5yr old son’s toy elephant needing stitching up as it had a hole today (he sleeps with it) and he was joking around saying make sure you do an anaesthetic and is the surgeon ready etc just jokey stuff. He doesn’t actually think his elephant is real.

YaMuvva · 05/04/2024 22:51

I have a DD who is 10 and she was never heavily into dolls but she certainly left imagination play with cuddly toys behind about the age of 5! However everyone is different and there’s no right answer. Mine is a tweenage grumpy little madam and I often wish she’d be like she was when she was younger 😭

Year 6 will change her. It changes them all, I wasn’t prepared I have to say!

ZetuianRose · 05/04/2024 22:51

She’s a young child! I was definitely playing with toys at this age.

TeaKitten · 05/04/2024 22:51

Your child is 9, this is normal happy child stuff. Yes some parents do work to grow their children up too fast, but that’s a crap thing to do. Your DD sounds lovely, and even if she has a vivid imagination when she grows up - good for her!

purplemunkey · 05/04/2024 22:52

Sounds normal to me. My DD is 9.5, has names for all her cuddly toys and plays with them as well as dolls and Sylvanian Families. Let her be.

YaMuvva · 05/04/2024 22:52

One day she will have be hormonal, have an attitude and be embarrassed by her cuddly toys, enjoy every minute OP while you can!

Pipecleanerrevival · 05/04/2024 22:52

Agree with other replies. Your dd sounds awesome, please don’t try to change her.

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/04/2024 22:53

She’s a little girl. Let her be one.

purpleme12 · 05/04/2024 22:53

I don't know why you're worried
My child is 10.
I love it when she plays imaginative play.
Sometimes I do think her friends seem more mature/play less but I'm not bothered by that. I'm glad she wants to play

Eyeballpaula · 05/04/2024 22:54

She sounds delightful, let her be.

My 9yo plays for hours with her younger sister and her cuddly toys doing the same. I'll be sad when she stops.

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 05/04/2024 22:55

This sounds so much lovelier than my almost 9 year old DN who has an iPhone, social media and says she's too grown up to play. (Not my child not my choices), they have plenty of time to grow up she's not even heading out of primary school yet, let her be

RaininSummer · 05/04/2024 22:55

She sounds like what a child should be. No kid of primary age should be into phones, tik tok, make up etc.

Thingsarebecomingstrange · 05/04/2024 22:55

Watching with interest.

My 8 year old boy has a giant collection of teddy bears. He tucks them all up in bed every night carefully. He cares about them like they are his babies. He notices if one is missing and he makes special little comfy spots for them to sit in during the day.

He loves animals if a cat meows at him it makes his day. Always wanting to pet and talk to animals. Still loves feeding the ducks.

He's very sweet, a lot of the boys his age do seem more grown up.

LAvortonDeLaLitière · 05/04/2024 22:55

Your daughter sounds sublime. Being childlike is perfect for someone who is 9 years old. Cherish every second of every minute.

Everydayimhuffling · 05/04/2024 22:57

If you read children's stories from a long time ago, like Little Women and Anne of Green Gables etc, it's really striking how much we've simultaneously started expecting children to grow up really early and to not have any actual responsibility or independence. Your DD is fine, OP. I kept my doll house into Secondary school and used to play with the dolls and make food and clothes and things for them. Imaginative play is great for children (even if I hate when mine make me join in!).

calligraphee · 05/04/2024 22:57

She sounds great.

Shergill15 · 05/04/2024 22:57

Sounds very like my 9 year old DD. I sometimes wonder the same; however I think if your daughter is happy in herself and not struggling with friendships etc then I think she's fine. I think this is a funny age - looking at DD's friends and classmates some are still very childlike and some do seem to be moving into the realms of phones, Tik Tok, skincare trends etc.

TextureSeeker · 05/04/2024 22:58

I found that both of my children changed a lot when they started secondary. They went from being kids to more like teens within months really. With dd especially it was like a switch flipped. She went from being a goofy kid to a teen interested in boys and fashion and make up almost overnight. I will caveat that by saying we are in Ireland I think kids start secondary later than kids in the UK but really I say enjoy it while it lasts teendom is just around the corner.

Moonflower12 · 05/04/2024 22:59

She sounds lovely. My DD has just turned 11 and has suddenly'grown up'. At your DD's age my DD was very similar. As were her friends.

When she's a famous author due to her vivid imagination you'll be pleased you let her play!