To be concerned that my 10 year old is too childlike

[SamVussain]

DD is 10 this month.
She's always had a vivid imagination but just recently I've started to develop little concerns about how childlike she is in her imagination.
She plays with her huge collection of soft cuddly toys, and dolls that look like little girls, like 12 inch dolls.
Every cuddly toy has a name and every doll has a name which she puts great effortin to choosing.
They are all looked after by her every day - woken up in the morning, dolls hair brushed and styled, dressed up in dolls clothes, all placed in to positions in the lounge - she'll sit them all in a line and then teach them or read to them, or she positions them in her bedroom. She tells me all about what kind of a day they're having, about what they're going to be doing. Then she gets on with her own day and in the evening she puts them all very carefully to bed and then tells me all about their day.
She talks about all her dolls and all her cuddly soft toys as though they are real.
She's 10 later this month and her entire birthday present wish list is cuddly toys in various different characters.
She has a good amount of friends, is popular at school and I arrange lots of playdates for her friends to come to ours, and she gets lots of invites back.
Her main play when friends come over is imaginative role play, where they invent scripts and play make believe characters. DD loves to play like this.
She's a lovely girl, a lovely personality.
Gentle, imaginative, cheerful, characterful.
But I've noticed her peers are starting to get much more grown up, they have mobile phones and most definitely aren't playing with dolls and cuddly toys anymore!
Is my DD unusual to be so in to dolls and soft toys at 10, and to treat them and talk about them as though they are real, with real feelings?
I said something the other day about a soft toy looking dirty and needing a wash, and she said "Ssshhh! Mummy! Shush! He will hear you! Don't hurt his feelings!!!!"

What a shame that the world we now live in doesn’t allow children to be children for long.

I'd be quite relieved she's still happy playing.

There's a big difference between the girls who hit puberty a bit earlier at 9/10 and those who hit it later.

Has your DD got a sibling? A lot of what you describe with her imaginative play with the dolls/bears, in my house would be the DC playing together.

My youngest are twins and at almost 13 they still enjoy imaginative play. I think because they have each other it’s gone on longer and they do “play” differently with friends when they come over. At 9-10 they definitely were playing but some dc, especially with older siblings, were desperate to be “grown up”.

dd1 stopped by year 7 but then it was lockdown and she was stuck home with younger siblings and went back to dressing up and imaginative play. I don’t think that would have happened without lockdown.

what I’m saying is let your dc be a child. So many parents encourage them to grown up when they’re still little. There’s loads of time for that.

So you are worried a child is behaving like a child and seems to have a lovely imagination?

What do you want her to do at 10? smoke weed, hang out on street corners and wear mini-skirts?

Frankly count your blessing and focus on raising a happy and confident girl with her own personality.

Gosh I’m feeling a bit teary, my boy is going to turn 9 soon and I hope he has a few more years of being a child. I feel so sad that they grow up so quickly and am jealous of friends who have little ones therefore more childhood time in the future with them

It’s wonderful. Do not take her toys. Let her decide when it’s time for them to be packed away.

Do not make a decision to give them away down the line without her independent consultation. They will be a comfort to her, potentially into young adulthood. We all have a need to play as a therapy tool. Adults just choose to play differently. My kids still have all their toys, most of which they ignore until they are worried about something and then the toys come out.

She sounds an absolute delight!

My first thought when I read about your daughter was, does she go to drama lessons or a theatre club? I think she could really enjoy that. it would allow her to use her imagination alongside others of a similar age.

Yabu for putting the wrong age in the title why do people do this! Anyway 9/10 is a child and your dd is behaving in an age appropriate way. Would you rather she was vaping and slathering her face in drunk elephant whilst chugging down a can of monster?

she sounds very similar to my 9 year old (year 4). Her dolls even go to her friends for sleepovers (& vice versa); she has some friends that are also into dolls and others that aren’t. She says there are ‘fashionistas’ in her class but she’s not one of them. She goes through phases of getting them ready for the day and setting them up in the living room for school and nursery, and then getting them ready for bed at night. She’s not doing it at the moment, but I think she’ll be back to it. She is an only child and ASD, the only child bit is probably relevant as no older siblings to copy. And the ASD for the sometimes intense need to get them ready, there are often meltdowns if no time to do this if she is going through one of these phases. They have names, are treated as of real etc.

you haven't come back to say if she is an only child ? I asked and i know a couple of others have wondered.

I also see a couple of others have mentioned drams clubs - does she do anything like this ?
where i live I can think of 3 different ones on a Sat AM, so unless you live somewhere really rural there is bound to be one nearby..

would she like that ?
and of course it's only fair to ask if you can afford that as it's all fine us suggesting an activity but it has to be doable for you too.

Hoe horrible. Be careful what you wish for.
Yabu

I wouldn't be worried, I think it's nice your DD isn't growing up so fast, my DS is 8 and still very innocent in terms of his playing, his soft toys are still his no.1 priorities!

I’m a primary school teacher. Don’t rush her into the next stage. Phones/boys/beauty products are becoming more important to younger children, and we can see the negative effects very plainly in schools.

@WitsEnd10 - the others shouldn’t be teasing your DD, but year three seems to be the usual time for the girls to start wearing crop tops (even if they don’t need them). There was a girl in my DD’s class in year five who was the only one without and in the end, the pastoral team at school stepped in.

She's not an only child, she has a sibling and they play together frequently, they have really great fun playing together. Put equally they sometimes seperate and so their own individual things.
Yes she goes to drama group, dance group, creative writing group, etc.
BTW she's not 'intense' about her imaginative play, I'm not sure why a couple of people have said this.
Also, I'm not even remotely looking to remove her toys. Literally nowhere in my post did i even suggest I was thinking of doing that! Why on earth would I do this when she loves playing with them so much?!? I wouldn't take something away from her that makes her happy and that she enjoys. Bizarre interpretation by some posters.

She sounds fab OP.

My DD is 10 and I’ve found she’s really changed this year, still absolutely loves imaginative play and gets so excited by new soft toys etc but also very interested in fashion, messaging her friends etc. I’m really hoping she hangs onto the more childlike side for a good while yet!

My DD is like this and I absolutely love it.. what's the alternative tik tok and makeup

Your DD sounds like a delightful child - a child who has somehow managed to be a child despite all the pressures and influences of today. I can understand that because it is rather unusual now you were concerned but I think you should be really happy to be honest :)

Wow, i find the title of this post quite sad.
To even query about a 9 year old playing and being a child😞

I was like this at that age, and I’m autistic.

Does she have any ND traits?

In a world that feels like its forcing children to grow up far earlier than is necessary, let her be a child for as long as possible.

I was still playing with Barbies when I was 12/13 and I was a late bloomer but it didn’t really affect me.

My dd was like this, she still played with her toys until she 12/13yo but by that point it was very much only in the comfort of her own home.

I was the same as a kid.

I am one of the ones who said is the play intense and feeling out of step. Not sure why OP is confused about this query. I don't see why OP is asking the question if her child is just playing apparently normally and imaginatively. Glad she's enjoying playing OP, sounds lovely.