To be concerned that my 10 year old is too childlike

[SamVussain]

DD is 10 this month.
She's always had a vivid imagination but just recently I've started to develop little concerns about how childlike she is in her imagination.
She plays with her huge collection of soft cuddly toys, and dolls that look like little girls, like 12 inch dolls.
Every cuddly toy has a name and every doll has a name which she puts great effortin to choosing.
They are all looked after by her every day - woken up in the morning, dolls hair brushed and styled, dressed up in dolls clothes, all placed in to positions in the lounge - she'll sit them all in a line and then teach them or read to them, or she positions them in her bedroom. She tells me all about what kind of a day they're having, about what they're going to be doing. Then she gets on with her own day and in the evening she puts them all very carefully to bed and then tells me all about their day.
She talks about all her dolls and all her cuddly soft toys as though they are real.
She's 10 later this month and her entire birthday present wish list is cuddly toys in various different characters.
She has a good amount of friends, is popular at school and I arrange lots of playdates for her friends to come to ours, and she gets lots of invites back.
Her main play when friends come over is imaginative role play, where they invent scripts and play make believe characters. DD loves to play like this.
She's a lovely girl, a lovely personality.
Gentle, imaginative, cheerful, characterful.
But I've noticed her peers are starting to get much more grown up, they have mobile phones and most definitely aren't playing with dolls and cuddly toys anymore!
Is my DD unusual to be so in to dolls and soft toys at 10, and to treat them and talk about them as though they are real, with real feelings?
I said something the other day about a soft toy looking dirty and needing a wash, and she said "Ssshhh! Mummy! Shush! He will hear you! Don't hurt his feelings!!!!"

Good morning OP,

The issues is obviously niggling at you otherwise you wouldn’t have posted and it’s completely normal to worry about your child’s maturity when compared to their peers.

I have a son who has just turned 10 and although he has lots of cuddly toys in his room they are just for decoration, he doesn’t play with them or interact with them. He has three that he takes to bed with him to cuddle, but he doesn’t talk to them or act as though they’re real.

I have to admit that if he was treating his cuddly toys in the way your daughter treats her dolls I would find it strange. I only have sons though so her behaviour may be more of a trait in young girls with their nurturing side coming through. I’m not meaning to be sexist but the reality is that girls typically play with dolls whereas boys don’t, so obviously their play behaviours will be different.

In terms of maturity and what my 10 year old son does, he’s generally into his sports, going to youth club, reading, imaginative writing, board games and some iPad games he plays with his younger brother.

I do sometimes see other boys in his class who seem so much more mature than him, but maturing occurs on such a large spectrum that I try not to focus on it. It’s like puberty, it happens at different stages for everyone and even if your daughter does seem childlike now, the point will come where this starts to change.

Some boys in my son’s year are already swearing, making inappropriate comments about girl’s appearances, obsessed with getting the latest “cool” hairstyle, playing on mobile phones, having designer clothes and generally being loud and boisterous whilst hanging around the streets and I’m so, SO glad my son isn’t like that.

Your daughter sounds lovey even if she is exhibiting behaviours that may not be the ‘norm’ for girls her age. She is obviously liked by her friends and does lots of activities and so I would try not to worry.

Most importantly she sounds happy so I would just let her carry on in her little bubble for as long as you can because when the maturing stage hits her, no doubt you’ll be pining for these days.

Your daughter sounds lovely and I wouldn't be concerned at all. When my daughter was that age, she was still playing with her Beanie Babied and Sylvanian Families, and so were many of her friends. I was much more concerned by other friends who were allowed to wear make up and who were trying to act much older than their age. Enjoy your daughter being like this, OP, it probably won't last very much longer.

That's normal for a child that age.
It's a bit sad that some children grow out of their toys so young nowadays.
Let her enjoy it.

My DD was just the same, always loved her dolls & even at 15 she still has some & plays with them occasionally. She asked for a particular Barbie last Christmas & was delighted to get it. She keeps them tucked away if friends come over & doesn't discuss them & is aware she's 'too old' for them but I think play is good at any age.

Plenty of adults play, either on games consoles, lego, dolls houses, model cars etc so why shouldn't a 15 year old.

She also has loads of 'age appropriate' interests & is doing very well at school.

Imaginative play is such a source of joy for all ages. My daughter is also ten and can spend whole days in her imagination games, just as I did at her age. It's a wonderful thing. My mental health took a nose dive when I abandoned imaginative play. I'm not a psychologist but I think it has such an important part to play in being mentally healthy, otherwise the imaginative powers just get diverted to worrying.

Sounds like a totally normal 9yo. 9 is still young!

Just because other friends have phones doesn't mean they aren't doing imaginative play. My 11yo does a huge amount of roleplay based play on roblox with friends. They two aren't mutually exclusive.

She sounds lovely and completely fine.

Please don't push her into growing up too soon. Children need to be children.

My son is 10 and loves squishmallows at the moment - all have names.
He likes playing imaginative games with his cars/among us figures/other figures etc. Likes his lego/k'nex.

He also likes computer games such as minecraft.

They grow up so quickly - let her enjoy her toys for the time being.

When I say crop tops I mean as outerwear, not as underwear. There are girls in her year that wear a full face of make up with nail extensions and heels on non uniform days. They look like baby prostitutes. Thank god DD couldn’t be less interested in dressing so much older than her years.

It’s modern life isn’t it and the pressure to conform to stuff that’s quite adult aimed at young girls. It’s really a shame they can’t just be kids. I can remember my sisters and I running up and down the road with the kids from down our road with dolls in a pram and sometimes the dog dressed up in a bonnet, apologies to the dog now but he did seem to like the fuss.

Your DD sounds like a lovely caring girl

My sister was like this with winnie the poo and dolls until around yr8. Diagnosed autistic and bipolar then

My daughter now 14 was lime this with ponies (obsessed my little pony had every single birthday party theme them thru primary). Diagnosed adhd year7, suspect is autisic (she wont get diagnosis due to stigma but takes advice on masking etc).

Highly likely autistic. I dont think is regular behaviour. Sorry.

I have a dd who's 8 and she very similar to your dad in her toy requests and tbh every single girl in her class is asking for similar to. Not heard of anyone asking about face cream . How boring. The only request I got that way was to get ears pierced but I said no not whilst at primary and she accepted it. Childhood is so short keep your dd as she is! Yanbu.

She sounds like an absolute sweetheart… my daughter is 10 in December an she is quite old headed, it upsets me a little bit.. she still loves to role play in secret an likes me to do voices for her but her friends the same age are all into skin care an snap chat an I won’t allow social media an she’s not interested in skincare.. I think it’s nice that she’s so innocent an young headed there not little for long I wouldn’t worry about it too much if she has friends, is kind and happy that’s what counts x

Mother of ten year old YouTube/phone obsessed girl here an I 100% fully agree with you!! Would love her to still want to play with dolls an brush there hair xx

She's 10! Take the phone off her!

Probably a bit late to the party but your child might well be the next JK Rowling. Huge imaginations are a sign of high intelligence and she will no doubt be a whizz in English at high school.