to ask why some people NEVER ASK QUESTIONS !!!

[stressedout1994]

Just that really! I always hear friends complaining about going on dates with men who never ask questions - they can rattle through a 20 minute schpiel about themselves without pausing to breath or ask a single question!

I have a friend who never, ever asks any questions. It makes her seem really myopic and self-absorbed. I know it sounds uncharitable, but it has got markedly worse since she had children. WIBU to stop seeing her because I find it a bit irritating?

This drives me insane! Along with people who give one word, closed answers.
It's like they just want to be entertained and get therapy and bring nothing to the conversation

Because the art of conversation is being lost! People genuinely don’t seem to know how to have a conversation.

Drives me insane too.

I've ditched a few friendships as all they did was talk about themselves everytime I saw them.

Never asked anything about me or my life.

It's really rude and completely self absorbed.

My mum is like this. I have asked her why and she says it is rude to ask questions and that people should be allowed to talk about what they want to talk about….she is a lovely person and cares lots about lots of things… but comes across uncaring in her style. But you could say anything to her and she wouldn’t judge you.

How can it be rude to ask questions? Obviously it can be rude if you're intrusive, but just general questions about how work is going, how the kids are, what you've been watching on TV etc are just normal questions - it's not as if you're shining a light in someone's eyes and torturing them!

It's not letting me vote but YANBU.

I think some people struggle with social interraction but there are definitely absolute dickheads who think their life and opinions are fascinating and everyone must hear about them, and just have fk all interest in anyone else.

On the flip side, I have a friend who does nothing but ask questions. It's like sitting for an interview.

So YANBU to wish people would ask more questions, but YABU to think questions are the most important part of a conversation.

Because they genuinely aren’t interested or just aren’t curious generally.

It is horrid to do things with someone who never ever shares anything about themselves voluntarily too though. I have a friend who is very hard work because of this and I often feel I have to keep the flow of chat going as otherwise we would literally sit in silence.

The issue with men not asking is because they tend to see women as a conglomorate force interested in "other things" they aren't interested in. Faceless, nameless, unimportant, etc. The fact your friend is bothering to share details of her life with you suggests she thinks you might care.

@KitKatChunki that is a nice and generous reading - and I do care about her life. But it would be nice to think she also cares about mine !

Many of my generation were brought up to believe that’s it’s impolite to ask personal questions - it’s committing the sin of “being nosy”. It’s how the English got a reputation for talking about the weather! It is quite a strong inhibition to overcome when making conversation with people.

When people ask me loads of questions I find it quite nosy and a bit over-intense.

I find if a conversation is flowing naturally, I ask questions without really thinking about it, but if the other person isn't really saying much, it can feel really awkward to sit and ask loads of questions - it's a bit like I'm holding an interview!

Do you wait until you're asked specific questions or are you happy to bring up the things you want to talk about without being prompted?

A dialogue rarely happens in question/answer format. In fact, being asked a lot of questions very much feels like being interrogated. A lot of questions people ask each other are not genuine in any case ("how are you?" "are you going somewhere nice for your holiday?" just two examples of questions that nobody cares to ask or answer yet everyone does). A conversation between two people often consists of sharing information and responding to the information (often with a relatable personal anecdote) or having a discussion/debate. Open any book and take a look at an example of a dialogue between two characters.

I’ve just looked at the last 3 conversations on my WhatsApp, I think there’s maybe one question in there despite a wide ranging, engaged discussion. I don’t get the thing about not being asked a question, surely both parties respond to each other, mention things important to them and keep the conversation flowing.

My parents are incapable of having a conversation. They were round for lunch recently and I raised 3 topics about things going on in my life, one of which is the very real possibility of me being made redundant and they just nodded. No concern, no asking about when I might know the outcome. Nothing.

Chatting to them is usually just a series of factual statements.

Mum - DGD won a dressage competition
Dad - Your DB is working away next week
Mum - Auntie Mo is going to Spain

Me - I might lose my job
Them - tumbleweed

Sorry - that was a very cathartic derail!

I think a lot of people lack emotional intelligence. I don't mind small talk and don't expect every encounter with friends and family to be all deep conversation but some engagement at least would be good.

I stop asking questions when I feel the conversation has gone on long enough. This could be because the other person has talked about themselves nonstop for ages already, or it could be because they’ve interrogated me. I do find that surprisingly few people are good at having genuinely equal exchanges these days- they’re either on transmit or receive, and struggle to switch between the two. I don’t really enjoy either of these extremes, it feels like a duty rather than a pleasure.

Completely agree with the emotional intelligence well the lack thereof and sometimes emotional immaturity. I have the same with a relative , also with a dollop of what I understand are called terminating cliches ie just banal statements that don’t take the conversation any further.

Those of you who don't ask questions, don't you even ask how the other person is?

Those of you who don't ask questions, you need to learn to ask questions, it's part of good conversation. There are plenty of "soft" questions you can ask to take a conversation further. It doesn't have to be like an interragation. But you knew that.

OK I'll spell it out

There are good questions and bad questions.

Good question = Have you had a good day?

Bad question = Have you ever had an STD?

Come on guys, you know full well it's ok to ask questions.

Agree with you op.

I know a couple of people like this and spending time with them is boring. The conversation just doesn’t flow at all. It’s very one-sided, hence it isn’t actually a conversation it’s a monologue with me adding a few nods and ‘hmm mmms’.

I find these people to be the least interesting people you could meet.

And like some have pointed out a conversation isn’t solely made up of Q&As, but the Q&As are a springboard for conversation.

Ha ha good examples! And I agree, I suspect it’s about making the effort, and some people are too lazy.

I know a lot of these people too!
I think I only have friends because I let them rant to me, I am a good listener.

But a bit of interest in me would be nice.

My DM is exactly like this (and her DP). We will travel 6-8 hours one way from England and they will ask zero about our journey, wellbeing, jobs, plans. Meanwhile we will hear every tiny work detail (I know all about their co-workers), their health issues, holiday plans, their family members health issues, non stop rambling about how tired they are, basically everything!!!

it drives me insane. I give zero ducks abour my Stepfather’s co-workers children, I have never met any of these people!! After a week I swear they never asked one question.

I’ve had to train myself to ask questions. I’ve always been genuinely interested in people and never understood why people wouldn’t warm to me. But I, too, was brought up on it being impolite to ask personal questions - with a very broad definition of personal! It’s still really unnatural to me to ask a question on a topic that the person hasn’t already opened.