to ask why some people NEVER ASK QUESTIONS !!!

[stressedout1994]

Just that really! I always hear friends complaining about going on dates with men who never ask questions - they can rattle through a 20 minute schpiel about themselves without pausing to breath or ask a single question!

I have a friend who never, ever asks any questions. It makes her seem really myopic and self-absorbed. I know it sounds uncharitable, but it has got markedly worse since she had children. WIBU to stop seeing her because I find it a bit irritating?

I sometimes worry I do this. I do ask people questions, but it's more when someone says something quite personal don't ask more questions as I don't want to pry. Eg if someone says they've been to the doctors or the hospital. If they don't tell me what it was for I don't think I should ask. But then later I wonder should I have done? Did they want me to? If someone has given me a bit of information am I supposed to keep asking for more details?

I had an NCT friend who always peppered me (and everyone else) with questions, as she seemed to want to know everyone's life inside out. To the extent she could answer questions for you! That used to do my head in!

Yup, I hear you. I am naturally very chatty to everyone and inquisitive - people LOVE answering questions about themselves, but rarely ask any in return. It's actually rude

Those of you who don't ask questions, you need to learn to ask questions, it's part of good conversation. There are plenty of "soft" questions you can ask to take a conversation further. It doesn't have to be like an interragation. But you knew that.

I know very well how to ask questions, it’s an essential skill in my working life. Conversations with family and friends don’t follow a Q&A format, there are many ways to encourage someone to tell you about how their doing, or to explore and engage with someone without constantly asking questions. Equally if there’s something I need or want to talk about I’ll say it, and my friends and family are skilled enough to show they’re listening, and encourage me to talk, without asking questions every two minutes.

It could be argued that questioning someone means you set the agenda, because they’re responding to your questions rather than just speaking freely. In a very new relationship of course questions are helpful in getting to know someone but in an established relationship conversations tend to be more free flowing.

My sister’s BIL is exactly like this.

I see him maybe twice a year when he visits them and stays for a few days.

He’s a nice, harmless fella but conversation is like pulling teeth. You ask him fairly generic questions about his holidays, work, hobbies in the hopes of starting a bit of chat. He gladly answers at great length about his most recent trip, Formula 1 (snooze), the intricacies of the canteen arrangements at his current workplace etc and then ….nothing.

To avoid the awkward silence I’d ask him a follow up question, only for the cycle to repeat. By the end I’d feel like I was interrogating him, so just give up.

I don’t know how my sister puts up with it for extended periods of time, it makes my toes curl.

Those of you who don't ask questions, you need to learn to ask questions, it's part of good conversation. There are plenty of "soft" questions you can ask to take a conversation further. It doesn't have to be like an interragation. But you knew that.

I'm sure most people know how to ask questions...

IMO, a normal conversation should just flow naturally and you shouldn't need to think about asking questions or anything, because they just happen organically. If I find myself in a situation where I'm having to ask more than or or two questions in a row to keep things "going", I start to think I've out-stayed my welcome or that the other person isn't really interested.

I've got a new tactic.

When people are "monologing" at me I let them continue for a while and then I say "is there anything you'd like to know about me?.

I've said this about 10 times now and i've been told a straight "no" more often than not 😀at least they're honest!

Conversation as an art form is dead, sadly.

oh this, it exhausts me and i've actually stopped inviting some people to certain events because they just drain me and the "conversation" is always so one sided.

I thought asking questions was nosiness

"Oh dear, hope you're not unwell"?

If they give a non committal answer in return you know they don't want to talk about it.

Yes. so did a large proportion of the population.

But now you know it's not.

How else does conversation flow?

I have friends and family like this. And then they’re surprised when they eventually find out some big news in my life…… you would have known if you’d bothered to ask about me!

Or, they still don’t ask and they just don’t get to know all the interesting fun bits about me and that’s their loss. That’s the point I’ve got to by now 😂

I mean, that depends on the question.

There's a difference between "That's a lovely top, where did you get it?" and "Have you had a smear test recently?".

Asking personal questions of someone you barely know could be considered nosy, but equally it's also pretty rude to never ask anyone about themselves or their lives.

It’s dreadful. Cannot STAND people like this. Self indulgent bores. Taught my children social skills dd2 had better social skills at 8 than some adults (ie FIL who sits there like a lummock)

Emma Barnett did a brilliant piece on this on Women’s Hour. Keeping conversations going is emotional labour and often falls to women. She’s just stopped doing it with older men who don’t give anything back. They sit in silence - flummoxed.

I have friends and family like this. And then they’re surprised when they eventually find out some big news in my life…… you would have known if you’d bothered to ask about me!

Ha, we have the opposite in my family - you ask questions but only get very vague answers, then they complain that nobody cares

I have to say I've found women to be just as bad as men.

But surely you know it’s not nosy to ask someone if they watched a popular tv show, or how their recent holiday was for example?

I get not wanting to pry, but polite small-talk questioning is generally just someone hoping to start a bit of conversation.

I have a family member that is the opposite and it drives me insane. A recent example is when me and DP went away last year. We got

" When is your flight"
"Who are you flying with"
"What time do you take off/land"
"How long is the stop-over"
"What are the menu options"
"How are you getting to the airport"
"What terminal are you flying from"

On and on it went. If it had been the other way around my questions would have been

"what time do you leave/land and what are you planning to do when you get there?" and that's it.

I suppose it's unsurprising given the stated aversion so often seen on here to talking to anyone.

"Headphones in, eyes down..." 🙄

That does sound intensely annoying- my mum can do similar at times and I find myself burning with sheer rage!

But it’s not the same- peppering someone with questions isn’t the same as being genuinely interested in their answers and wanting to start a mutually interesting conversation off the back of it.

I hate this too. There a particular fella I work with and it bores me to tears as he just can't have a conversation. I don't understand it

Exactly. My best friend is German and has developed a rapid fire method of asking questions which is caring but terrifying. Comes across as nosy and brusque. I love her dearly so it doesn't bother me!

But just having conversation flow, without questions, is also fine. I'm glad my friends are forgiving of all the ways you can communicate. Including questions, no questions, enthusiastically interrupting, not doing that, rattling on about yourself for ages when something exciting has happened.

I judge how caring people are but their actions, not their communication style.

I don’t agree that the art of conversation has been lost over time. I think some people converse well and some don’t and that’s human nature more than a modern phenomenon.
I do find it really difficult though when others don’t want to know a thing about you but want to do a monologue about themselves or are really happy when you ask about them/remember something about them, but don’t see it as a cue to reciprocate.
I'm no longer friends with someone, in part, because all she did was talk about herself and her problems and never asked me anything. If I did say anything about me, she’d jump in with, “that’s like my daughter,” “that’s like what happened to me”. - immediately jumping to its association for her rather than engaging with me.
I also work with someone who doesn’t ask anything. They don’t do an endless monologue about themselves, thank goodness, but they do literally have zero interest in the lives of anyone else. It’s fair enough, they’re not horrible, but it is a bit wearing, not getting the to and fro of conversation that oils the cogs of life.

@WhatWouldHopperDo I'm so sorry to hear you are potentially facing redundancy! That's so stressful.